What is Frank thinking?

Posted on July 19, 2009 9:06 am

Wonder what Frank is thinking?

Some of you are saying “He’s not thinking anything.” But you’d be wrong.

Frank is trying to think of the perfect gift for SarahK. Today is her birthday. And woe be unto Frank if he forgets her birthday. Again.

But, he won’t forget. In fact, he got her a new house. But, he came along with it from the old place. So, it’s not really hers. It’s “theirs.” So, as cool as a new house is, as long as Frank has a key to the place, it’s not truly “hers.”

And Frank knows that. Which is why he’s trying to think of the perfect gift for his wife.

A few of his minions (that’s me, you, and all the others who read his blog) have some ideas for the perfect gift. And some of the suggestions are pretty good ones:

  • Subscription to HBO
  • Pink AR-15 (is it still evil if pink) *
  • Pink 1911
  • Robot controlling monkey’s head in a box
  • Diamonds (she is a girl)
  • Fur coat, from baby seals that you clubbed yourself, much more thoughtful then store bought baby seal fur.
  • Book of wise Latina woman wisdom
  • Two men at once — one cooking, the other cleaning *
  • Batteries
  • Any of a list of gun accessories
  • Rafting
  • A nice quiet relaxing day, with no mention on that stupid blog. Just like last year.

Good ideas, all. Well, some of them, anyway.

But, you can never have too many gift suggestions. Ideas?

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28 Responses to “What is Frank thinking?”

  1. Funnyguy says:

    All that said ….. who is that nice looking gay fellow in the photo?

  2. cptnmoroni says:

    He could nuke the moon in a pattern so that is says something like “FrankJ + SarahK 4evr” or “I <3 SarahK” or something. The moon is a pretty big canvas and nukes can be used as an artist’s brush to paint pretty much anything on a large enough canvas.

  3. Silicon Valley Jim says:

    A day away from Frank?

    Cooking for her, if Frank can cook.

    A trip to the Boise Hawks’ game. They’re playing the Salem-Keizer volcanoes. You can’t beat fun at the ol’ ball park, as Harry Caray used to say.

  4. seanmahair says:

    A day a the Spa
    Movie night of her choice
    A weekend away at a B &B

    Really you can’t go wrong with jewelry. As Monroe opined in Gentlemen prefer Blondes”;

    A kiss may be grand but it won’t pay the rental
    On your humble flat, or help you at the automat
    Men grow cold as girls grow old
    And we all lose our charms in the end
    But square cut or pear shaped
    These rocks don’t lose their shape
    Diamonds are a girl’s best friend

    Happy Birthday Sarah K.

  5. Rubeus says:

    Girls like cute fuzzy things. Like Gophers and Coatimundis and Tigers.

  6. midwestconservative says:

    “What is Frank thinking?” That would be far too random, rambling , and maybe illegal to list here.

  7. Son of Bob says:

    But, if today is her birthday and you have not yet bought her a gift, you’ve already blown it.

  8. cjtony97 says:

    Get Paula back on AI.

  9. TerribleTroy says:

    Obviously Frank is still in that newly married status where he hasnt realized the “reality” of what he “shares” and what he doesnt. Tell me Frank…. how many rooms have you “decorated”? During the “decoration” process how many ideas did you present that were summarily dismissied. You see Frank… she allows you into her living environment. And if you think Im lying.. give a birthday gift of a redecorated room Frank style….. she’ll luv it!


  10. Rignerd says:

    My wife would go for the two men at once, especially if I was one of them. Which is why she’ll get jewelry again.

    Fortunately she still likes her guns in black and FDE, classy lady I say. Which is the other reason she’ll get jewelry again.

  11. otcconan says:

    If Frank is wise, which he’s not, but if he WAS wise, he’d buy her a new pop-pop.

    A pretty pop-pop is best. Not some ugly war-bred thing like a 1911. I suggest a pink Ruger Blackhawk in .44 magnum.

  12. Juicer says:

    How about diamond bullets for the AR-15, so she could shoot some endangered animals and make a nice fur coat from it, usinge her wise latina wisdom?

  13. IH8Socialist says:

    How bout the Hello Kitty AR-15, the Hello Kitty Ak-47, or the Hello Kitty Uzi for the perfect gift. Maybe Knight Armaments can make the Knight chain SAW in pink. Or maybe a “Kill All Hippies” Bumper sticker to go with a new SUV.

  14. MarkoMancuso says:

    A trained mountain lion. Use it to destroy your enemies.

    Did I mention that you would save valuable ammo if you used a trained mountain lion to destroy your enemies? Can’t go wrong, IMO.

  15. Jim says:

    They make the walther P-22 in a rather attractive blue. nice backup piece

  16. joyce says:

    Depends on her Love Language. If she likes gifts, then a gift it shall be. If she prefers mushy words, than a homemade card might do the trick. If she prefers you to do something for her, then pushing that vacuum sweeper around the house will make her all warm inside. If she likes hugs—then you know what to do. But, if she is a complicated woman, with more than one love language, then you must be the detective, and fulfill all her hearts desires. or, maybe her love language is time—quality time with you—so take her for a walk by moonlight

  17. MarkoMancuso says:

    But, if she is a complicated woman, with more than one love language, then you must be the detective, and fulfill all her hearts desires. or, maybe her love language is time—quality time with you—so take her for a walk by the light of a thermonuclear explosion on the surface of the moon


  18. Jules says:

    Kitten/puppy from a shelter. Save a little critter, melt a heart at the same time. Also gives you something to bond over.
    (Do you know what your son/daughter did today all over my new shoes?) Yeah, I know it sounds like a scold, but it adds zest and can defuse anger over other more serious issues. Cute and cuddly boys, cute and cuddly!

    [Plus, they taste like chicken! – B]

  19. TerribleTroy says:

    DID that person say “IF” she is a complicated women? IF!!! I seen em “complicate” things as a method of entertainment. “IF”……too freaking funny…..

  20. storm1911 says:

    SarahK needs a new Vulcan mini-gun-in pink. You never know when you need a Vulcan mini-gun.Rumor has it they are great for robot monkey attacks.

  21. ussjimmycarter says:

    If you are a real man a vacuum cleaner, a new set of cook wear and your dinner order should be plenty!

  22. cincinnati_bob says:

    Diamonds are too small. I suggest a really nice gold necklace and/or Pearls.

    Then take her out to a very nice restaurant for a gourmet dinner so she can wear the gift. Or put it on at the restaurant.



    The byzantine in row 2 is awfully nice. A touch expensive but maybe they’ll haggle.

  23. Live Free Or Die says:

    By the looks of the guns she waves around, I’d say ammo would be a thoughtful gift. Life-sized cardboard cutout targets of her least favorite people, a real stress reliever. Batteries? I cannot be held responsible for where my mind goes…

  24. Dohtimes says:

    A Watchmen DVD and some glow in the dark blue body paint oughta make for a memorable birthday.

  25. Teleprompter Messiah says:

    Nothing says “I love you” more than a lifetime subscription to “Soldier of Fortune” magazine.

    BTW, those advocating Frank J cook for the missus, is that the 300 “tonite we dine in hell” tribute version or the Spartan Kraft mac and cheese with toast version you had in mind?

  26. Pianogirl88 says:

    Well, since the birthday was yesterday, this advice is a day late, but helpful for next year. A woman wants to feel like the man in her life has put at least some thought into a gift that he selects for her ~ birthday, Christmas, or any other occasion during the year. I know some men are good at picking up little clues throughout the year as to things she mentions that she finds interesting…a new restaurant to try, a concert to attend, a book she’d like to read, a CD/DVD she’d find amusing. But, some men aren’t, and they are usually the ones in the doghouse! Actually, compliments all during the year are great…I know I don’t require much in the way of material goods, but there are many ways to make that special someone feel cherished, and the smart man figures it out early in a relationship. And it is the smart woman who tries to do the same thing for the man in her life.

  27. seanmahair says:

    ussjimmy, tell me you’re being sarcastic, ironic, or simply trying to be funny. A real man would never be so stupid as to do say or do such things. Real men don’t spit into the wind, pull on superman’s cape or mess around with women on their birthdays.

    Real men are smarter than that.

  28. TimothyJ says:

    He could give her $1,000,000 worth of sliced ham and $1,500,000 worth of mozzarella cheeze!

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