[conceptual hat tip: Dylan]
I know Obama prefers burgers, but I’m guessing that he ate a lot of Chinese food on his recent trip.

I also assume that Chinese Chinese food comes with a fortune cookie, just like American Chinese food.

Which leads to the obvious speculative query: what fortunes did Obama get in his fortune cookies?

I speculate thusly:

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* You do good job! Take a bow!

* If you have bad news to break, leave town and let Holder guy do it.

* You look better wearing Mao jacket. Everyone look better wearing Mao jacket. Whole world wear Mao jacket soon!

* You will try something new - a terrorist in New York City.

* China cold like Chicago. Bring heavy coat.

* Save lives. Make Biden walk.

* Prosperity is coming. Just tax it until it go away.

* Why you let wife go out in public dressed like that?

* Today you meet friend from long ago. Tomorrow you throw him under bus.

* Seriously, where birth certificate?

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If you’ve gone through Obama’s trash recently and found any of his old fortune cookie fortunes, feel free to share in the comments.

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-19-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

NOTE: The Thompsons are out of town on Friday, so there will be no Lightning Round for 11-20-09.

I’m going out of town on the 24th for a week, so I’m not making any more Lightning Round videos until December, at the earliest.

If I don’t see you before then, have a great Thanksgiving.

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-18-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round (with FTS Executive Producer Greg Tantum filling in for Jeri Thompson) from the 11-17-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

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[reference link]

[reference link]

[reference link]

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From Don:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Carl:

From Porpie:

From Robert:

[reference link]

Also from Robert:

From Velvet Elvis:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and - if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad - I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-16-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

TOKYO (AP) - After executing what appeared to be an extremely deep bow upon meeting Japan’s Emperor Akihito last Saturday, President Barack Obama later apologized for his “ungainly and ill-executed curtsey”.

Worst. Curtsey. Ever.

“I was just trying to show a little respect for the Emperor’s culture,” said Obama, explaining his poorly-performed gesture, “and I guess I got a little confused. At first I thought ‘I should greet him as a fellow head-of-state’, so I started shaking his hand. Then I thought, ‘I should to show that I’m not some arrogant cowboy like Bush, so I need to bow super-low’. But then I noticed his wife and thought, ‘I should respect her gender, so I need to curtsey’. I kinda ended up doing all three at once, and I guess I didn’t do any of them very well.”

At a press conference on Monday, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs defended Obama’s intention in performing the gesture of feminine subservience.

“The President has a duty to repair the damage done to America’s reputation abroad by the previous administration. Other nations are used to America acting with confidence, assertiveness, and a certain degree of manhood. What better way to repair the damage than by acting like a quavering, spineless little girl?”

President Obama said that, for future trips involving greeting foreign dignitaries, he would wear a dress as a means of helping him adopt a more competent implementation of his womanly genuflections.

“But not one of Michelle’s dresses,” insisted the President. “I wouldn’t put my dog’s lawn-patties in one of those tacky trash-bags.”

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-13-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-12-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

Malaise in America:

Hostages in Iran:

Lust in his heart:

Rabbit attacks:

Anyone else see what I see?:

[Horrifying image via AfterMath, home of many excellent conservative photoshopped images]

Fred was out beating up flu viruses and throwing them into the sun, so there was no Lightning Round for 11-11.

On another topic, I found an old picture of Fred Thompson from his Watergate days, and I noticed that he bore a passing resemblance to Jack Nicholson:

Of course, that was over 30 years ago. People change.

Or do they?

Bearded Jack, meet Bearded Fred:

Now I’m not normally the conspiracy theory type, but has ANYONE ever seen Fred & Jack together in the same room?

Seriously? For Veterans Day?:

Fine. Here’s the story I’m running on Earth Day:

But today, I’m going with this one:

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-10-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

To those who served before, with, and after me - thank you.

To those who were civilians from 1985 to 1991 - thank you for being the kind of Americans worth serving.

Seriously, sometimes the only thing that makes the military tolerable is knowing that someday you’ll come home to a country with ice cubes, hot showers, flush toilets, and that doesn’t smell like a mix of diesel exhaust & urine.

And congratulations to Google for actually bothering to pay lip service this time around.

Oh, and an answer to that pesky grammatical question from the US Dept. of Veterans Affairs:

Q. Which is the correct spelling of Veterans Day?

a. Veterans Day
b. Veteran’s Day
c. Veterans’ Day

A. Veterans Day (choice a, above). Veterans Day does not include an apostrophe but does include an “s” at the end of “veterans” because it is not a day that “belongs” to veterans, it is a day for honoring all veterans.

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

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[reference link]

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From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Rott3nHippi3 of Obama 08 Promise Tracker:

From Gregg:

Also from Gregg:

[reference link]

From Jasonius:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Wendy:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

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PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and - if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad - I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-9-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

Part of me is offended that they’re taking a shot at Fox News.

Part of me is just too damn amused by “Squidface Pelosipants” to care.

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-6-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-5-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

By the way, if you get a chance to rate these at YouTube, I’d take it as a kindness.

If we’re making the Blobfish the Official Fish of IMAO, shouldn’t we make Harry Reid the Official Dirtbag Socialist Senate Majority Leader of IMAO?:

Or are we not basing this on frowning ability and eye-beadiness?

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-4-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

Boston Globe - “more than two-thirds of 14,506 jobs credited to the recovery act by Head Start programs involved pay increases.”

See, if they hadn’t given their employees pay raises, they would have had to fire them.

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-3-09 Fred Thompson Show:

[YouTube direct link]

After playing the Frank-inspired bumper music clip about what happens to the people who lose the support of Fred Thompson, Jeri Thompson had this to say:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

(From the 11-3-09 Fred Thompson show, 21 seconds, starting at the 11:58 mark)