Scientists have found that increased temperature is turning polar bears into cannibals! I haven’t seen Al Gore’s movie (the scariest movie ever), but did even he warn about how global warming will lead to cannibalism?
I wonder at what temperature can we expect people to start turning into flesh eating zombies? I’m guessing 103 degrees Fahrenheit (though I’m not sure what humidity). Anyway, if you weren’t scared about global warming before, then be scared now. And, if you already were scared, be super scared now.
And watch your back before you get eaten!
Let me know when Al Gore’s family eats him.
Frank, do you think global warming will make the monkey-faced liberals start eating each other? I guess there is only one way to find out……more human-created global warming please!
No wonder the liberals are afraid or global warming. If people begin eating them it will be the largest weenie roast in history.
Listen to Frank J.!
He’s super cereal!
I thought it said global warming caused capitalism.
Dang.
The contempt of the Bush administration for environmentalists (and other liberal whack jobs) and their concerns is well known by now and certainly deserved. While evidence of man-made up environmental damage mounts, the Bush team resists its implications like a defeated army whose rear guard fights off its pursuers as it retreats, sort of like Al Qaeda in Iraq. That has been especially true of its handling of the most serious of all environmental non-issues – global warming.
First, the administration claimed that global warming was the work of liberal hysterics and middle-earth pixies and had been discounted by “more sober scientists.” Then, it admitted that it was happening but said there was no proof humans caused it, or could fix it without the help and cooperation of the founder of the internet, Al Gore.
Retreat No. 3 was the White House discovery that, yes, indeed, some of the warming was due to subhuman activity, and we should take steps, well maybe baby steps, say, to reduce gaseous rectal emissions, but those steps should be voluntary on the part of industry and fathers who ask children to “pull my finger”.
There are two scientific theories that have been gaining credence in recent years that challenge the sanity of that kind of resistance to fact – and make no mistake about it, global warming is a fact because, make no mistake about it, I said it was.
Both theories begin with a phenomenon that is taking place right now. Scientists are beginning to understand climate as a complex interactive system that is affected by everything from the emission of greenhouse gases, to deforestation, to the condition of Arctic and Antarctic glaciers, Rush Limbaugh and cannibalism among polar bears. Hmmm, polar bears. Klondike Bars. Yummy. Before scientists believed Ra the sun god and Old Man Winter basically ran things, despite whatever Mother Nature was claiming.
It is a system with a feedback mechanism. For example, higher temperatures lead to the melting of sea ice on Mars, which exposes more water to the sun god, Ra. The water absorbs more solar energy, which accelerates global warming, which really pissed off Ra and so on. Scientists fear that such feedbacks might produce a self-sustaining and accelerating warming that is beyond human control, or even of Dr. Hawking’s robots. You know, that crippled fellow with the domo arigato voice thingy.
What’s that, Frank? I said there were two theories? Who said that and has it been vetted? Stay with me Frank, this gets weird.
One thing we have to keep in mind: While these might only be worst-case scenarios, many of the conditions and processes whacked out scientists think might trigger them already are present or under way or planned for implementation by Karl Rove, that guilty bastard. Just look at Al Gore, if that is surely not nature gone wild what is? Global warming is at least as important as gay marriage or the cost of Social Security or those damn wetbacks crossing the border in my home state of Texas. And if it is not seriously debated in the general election and on the Colbert Report, it will measure the irresponsibility of the entire political class. Frank, are we allowed to use the word “class” when talking about politics? This is an issue that cannot, and must not, be ignored any longer or at least until the new season of American Idol starts. I love that gray-haired dude. He sort of looks like a polar bear. But moves like Elvis. Not skinny Elvis, but the fat Elvis.
And that’s the way it is.
That’s weird, because when it’s hot (like it is right now in the rocky Mountain West) I eat much less, especially heavy meals with a lot of protein.
But fear not! We have Algore and his thusand Points of doom heading for an auditorium near you to spread the Inconsistent “Truth.”
I just got back from having lunch. There were two smelly hippies on the sidewalk soliciting something or other (signatures? money?) for global warming. Unfortunately, I can’t fart at will.
MANBEARPIG!!!!
sorry, had to do that.
Anyhow, maybe I should go for the ak-74 over the sks now, if we’re talking cannibalism. one of my hosemates has an m-4, so maybe i should spring for an old m60, in case he gets hungry…..CRAP! this is all propaganda for the evil gun makers!
So, back to the zombie thing. Will these be the slow moving zombies, or the fast moving variety? ‘Cause if it’s they slow moving type, I think I can deal with that (just need to stock up on some more ammo), but if it’s the fast movers, well, that’s gonna be a problem.
Is it too late to request that it be the 5 oz. drinkable kind?
Since Mt Saint Helens blew and scattered more pollutants into the atmosphere in one month than mankind has in the past 200 years, how can they say humanity is causing the global warming? They never answer that one.
My money is on the fact that the lefties are the ones who turn into zombies, which is a good reason to go out target practicing immediately.
This explains “State of Fear”…if only the cannibals WOULD eat Al Gore, ‘cept I hear that liberal meat is bitter, fatty and rancid.
Never tell a canibal, “Bite me!”
But polar bears eat baby seals! Which is more important, you lefties, baby seals or stopping global warming/destroying capitalism?
Well, it’s 103 degreed Farenheit right now in Austin(where I am) and so far no canibalism.
I did drink a glass of orange juice and eat a couple of oatmeal cookies though.
Actually, all that’s truly been demonstrated is that there’s a correlation between global warming and polar bear cannibalism. It very well could be that polar bear cannibalism causes global warming. Come to think of it, that’s also true about Al Gore running his mouth.
Living in Arizona where temps routinely exceed 103F, I can tell you that you’re full of… just a sec, my kids are biting each other. Need to put them back in the airconditioned room. Anyway, no evidence of cannibalism here.
I’m sitting here eating a steak. Steak is made from cows. I could be eating one of Hillary’s relatives. Does this mean it’s already begun?
Rick, fast moving zombies are no problem. Get a boat. Get a sniper rifle. Sit off shore and drink martinis while picking off the zombies. If you live in a landlocked state and the fast moving zombies come, just be sure your will is made out to K T Cat.
Walter Crackpipe.
“And that’s the way it is”
Thanks for the talking points, but in the future I would advise sticking with the script a little more closely. Irregardless of ones position on global warming, your little broadside had to be the single dumbest example of non-informative driveling dropout monkey sputum I have read so far this week. OK, it’s only Tuesday. Most comical is the pretension that you seek to inform us unwashed hillbilly’s in the ways of the real world. I might suggest you discern sh*t from Shineola, before telling all us dummies how things are.
http://www.pottymouth.org/humor/shinola.html
Oh, by the way. Learn how to write you idiot.
Neo-andertal –
I think that Walter’s postings are intended as humor.
well, since the manatee is doing so well, and Frank already got out his manatee gun, we should start shooting manatees and feeding them to polar bears. The manatees have been blessed, now its time to share their blessings with the polar bears.
Silicon Valley Jim,
Damn, Your probably right. I just wasted a perfectly good dump
I just went back and read some of his other stuff.
SORRY collateral damage, I was looking for real moonbats not mock moonbats.
As I said before, “When you see something move shoot it. Figure out what it is afterword.”
I always did want to say “Walter Crackpipe” though.
Where the hell did the real trolls go anyway. They keep avoiding me.
K T Kat:
I’m in California, which is not a land locked state (although it is technically brain locked). I am, however, in the central valley, which means I’ll have to fight my way to the coast. In this area that basically means heading to San Fran-sicko, which is only slightly worse than being eaten by zombies (fast or slow).
Glenn Reynolds has resorted to eating the homeless.
Neo, it was intended to dis Walter, not you bro!
I think Al Gore just ate MFL!!!!
Rush Limbaugh has a great countdown going on over at his site. It is a ten year counter that counts down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds to the end of the world according to Al Gore. Because, as you may know; Al Gore stated that the Earth will be uninhabitable in ten years. Check it out; is hilarious.
walter chronickite,
Consider the flame an inadvertent compliment than, or just a brain fart on my part.
Have you tried posting that sort of thing over at the Democratic Underground.
You could pass that off as serious over there.
I’ll bet you gather accolades for your astute analysis.
RE: fast moving zombies … right now it’s possible to get 30rd mags for one’s FAL (that’s .308 goodness) so, with adequate shot placement, that’s a pretty effective solution. Meanwhile, rumor has it that Beta will be releasing 100rd C-mags in .308 by the end of the year so, given a pile of those pre-loaded 100rdrs, I say bring on those zombies!
Neo-andertal, just a thought, but when using the sentence ‘Oh, by the way. Learn how to write you idiot.’ you may want to make sure you are not using made up words like ‘Irregardless’ when trying to come off as intelligent.
Zurvan,
Neo “misunderestimated” your grammatical expertise.
Zurva, if that really is you name, young Neo reminds me of myself as a young Texas youth full of piss and vinegar. Well, not so much full of piss since I had a bad incontinence problem as a youth. Have I recovered, well it Depends! But instead of fraticidal verbal interplay, why not constructively discuss blah, blah, blah, droning on and on with no point whatsoever….ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Kind of like how Hurricanes turn poor black people into cannibals?
Zurvan,
Well, It certainly didn’t “come off as intelligent”. I’ll take my lumps for that one.
Mistaking someone’s satire for the real thing, then flaming him, pretty much assures the opposite.
Captamerica,
Actually, I’m not that young, and I have a pretty good idea about what I am full of ;-} Most don’t seem to mind though.
Thanks for covering for me while I extract my foot from my mouth.