Okay, so Stephen Hawking is getting all doom-and-gloom over a massive disaster wiping out the human race if it doesn’t expand beyond the earth.
Blah blah blah. Al Gore on ALS. (ALS Gore?) Whine whine whine. Tell it to NASA, Mr. Smarty Depends!
But that’s not the real news here, folks…
Hawking said he’s teaming up with his daughter to write a children’s book about the universe, aimed at the same age range as the Harry Potter books.
“It is a story for children, which explains the wonders of the universe,” his daughter, Lucy, added.
They didn’t provide other details.
Nobody likes a secret, Stephen. I’m going to reveal the other details:
- The title “Everybody Poops, But Not Everybody Uses A Wheelchair And Talks Using A Robot Voice” was rejected by the publisher as too confusing.
- It’s a cookbook! (Okay, it’s not.)
- The audiobook will be read aloud by Cedric the Entertainer using a robot voice.
- Illustrations were going to be drawn by famous left-leaning illustrator and columnist Ted Rall, but they discovered that Stephen was capable of drawing a whole hell of a lot better than Ted.
- It will come with a Stephen Hawking “action” figure. (No “Kung Fu” grip, folks)
- “A Brief History Of Thyme” didn’t quite get off the ground because the wheelchair’s wheels were always getting stuck in the garden’s mud.
- Representative Kennedy has requested a hollowed-out version so his kids can stow a whiskey flask in it. (Start ’em young!)
- The introduction was going to be written by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, but all they got was “aaaaaaaaaaaaah *boom*” when they called him to schedule a review of his rough draft.
- Twenty percent of the proceeds from the book will go to NAMRLA. (North American Man-Robot Love Association)
- The cover will be 95% recycled human skin.
- It will outsell the entire run of Markos ZË™niga’s book in five minutes.
What’s all this I keep hearing about a “looming disaster?” Maybe they should get some new looms or get out of the fabric business altogether! Maybe we should tax looms so we can get ready for this disaster!
I’m more scared of comets than global warming. When will Hawking use his robot power to keep us from getting hit from a comet?
I want to know when Mr. Hawking has time to research all this “universal doom” stuff while he’s busy voicing the 24hour local weather channel on my TV. And don’t even suggest that this man can multitask, as NO man can efficently multitask unless he’s gay.
I think Hawking is the premeire cosmetologist of his time. For a cripple I mean.
“It is a story for children, which explains the wonders of the universe,” his daughter, Lucy, added.
It’s already been done. It’s called The Bible.
“It is a story for children, which explains the wonders of the universe,” his daughter, Lucy, added. She went on to say “It is going to explain the role of wizards and moonbats and even such oddities as Al Gore in our universe. You know, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far way kind of thing”.
the fact “it’s a story for children” is supposed to explain the wonders of the universe? I don’t get it.
I hear they may have a movie deal, as well, and the casting is already partially confirmed.
SCARECROW (played by Algore): If I only had a brain.
TINMAN (played by Hillary): If I only had a heart.
COWARDLY LION (played by John Kerry): If I only had courage.
Yes, I know TinMan was a man. What’s your point?
P.S. FrankJ, “NAMRLA” required a change of underwear. Good one!
They mistake me for Frank, they do…
cackles
Sorry. New to the site — forgot to read the by-line. I’ve been reading the articles by FrankJ and jumped the gun. Besides, I’m a hick.
The feces honors goes to you Laurence.
I shall sacrifice a mid-to-large sized piece of furniture in my apartment as a burnt offering for forgiveness.
Techno,
A piece of furniture? Allow me to come over and reduce it to matchsticks first. Any and all stuffing spread across the floor from repeated clawings are your responsibility.
captamerica, we cripples are just great cosmetologist, It’s a crippled thing. Laurence, the books pictures will be done by cripple John Callahan (who wrote & drew: Don’t worry, he won’t get far on foot.)
bid you all peace love and understanding,
all the best,
Martin “Ceann Rua” Corbett
It will come with a Stephen Hawking “action” figure. (No “Kung Fu” grip, folks)
thanks to the Simpsons, such a thing already exists, but they’re hard to find.
Stephen Hawking as the new Handy Man with his Fully Armored Palladian Wheel Chair / Mechanized Artillery system.
Boy, Ceann Rua, that was lame.
Lame, I get it!
Lame? I Resemble that remark. for real, why was my comment lame. You know I’m not a humor Professional. I’m just a simple cripple, or maybe I’m just simple.
bid you all peace love and understanding.
all the best,
martin “ceann rua” corbett