Today

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No internet at home so I wasn’t able to write posts today. Still, I wanted you to tell you that today is my birthday which I also have declared in the past to be National Gun Safety Day, so just know that if you accidentally shoot yourself today, it’s a personal insult to me.

Entertain yourself by wishing me happy birthday in the comments.

Now!

93 Comments

  6. Don’t tell us… you’ve got Comcast, right? Same here and many times in the last 7 years, they’ve inadvertently screwed up my local neighborhood’s service.

    But, ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ :

    Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday dear Fraaaaaaaaa-aaaaank!
    You blog in a zoo.
    (And many more….)

    Thanks for all the laughs, Frank. The check’s in the mail.

    Reply to this comment

  7. So, Al and Tipper announce they’ve broken up and suddenly Frank J has no internet…coincidence? I think not. Perhaps the Internet is caught in the middle of a nasty custody dispute between its inventor and his soon-to-be ex-wife. I hope they get that settled quickly, as we all want the Internet.

    Reply to this comment

  13. Happy Birthday to ‘ya, Frank. In your honor and to prevent any personal insults I’m keeping my guns and ammo locked up. And I’ll dedicate this weekend’s hippie punching to you!

    Reply to this comment

  19. FormerHostage, that is the attitude my grandfather pretends to take. He also pretends to dislike our throwing birthday parties for him. When we say we’ll stop, he complains and mentions he would like a cheesecake this time.

    So, Frank, I advise you start acting like my grandfather if you really want people to care.

    Reply to this comment

  21. Hippie Birthday J. Frank Flemming!

    So I was reading your about your Chronicles of Dubya book on Amazon, it sounds funny, maybe when your gone or busy we could get some of those old things re posted?

    Reply to this comment

  24. Happy, happy birthday.

    I promise to be as careful as I always am with my firearms. Although, I should mention that the S&W Model 86 .357 combat revolver does NOT have a safety. So when I’m pretending to quick-draw and shoot Osama bin laden and then twirl it before hostering it, and it goes off and shoots me, don’t blame me. As I’m laying on the floor bleeding, I’ll be like, “Oh, Dang….I’ve insulted Frank!”

    By the way: you know what would make a better president that the one we have now?

    Someone who didn’t hate America.

    Just sayin’.

    Reply to this comment

  25. Happy Birthday, Frank !!! Birthdays are important, it’s one more year the b@st@rds didn’t get you. Keep your booger picker off of the bang button for good gun safety. And Nancy Pelosi is coming over in drag to administer your birthday spanking. You’ve been warned.

    Reply to this comment

  26. Jimmy says:
    Marko and DamnCat are out of control and we’ll they’ll be lucky to live through this.

    Marko – I think Jimmy is trying to say the he’ll be lucky if we don’t live through this.

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  31. “They’ll”, Jimmy? You’re all involved in this. All of you!

    Oh crap! I was afraid of that. It’s like a steel cage match and we’re all in there with them. Do we get to bet on the outcome? That would be cool.

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  32. Now, wait just a DamnCat minute, Marko. I’m waiting for ussjimmycarter to WEIGH IN on this subject! He’s only recently popped-up here again after his long visitation (cohabitation?) with Helen Thomas in her D.C. hotel room. Rumors are flying that ussjc has become embiggened and his face has changed – for the worse! Painting inverse-Thomas images on his bathroom mirror to overcome the problem aren’t working!

    As to Raving Lunatic’s charge about standing athwart history, let me be clear. I do NOT have a wide-enough stance to do that – but I will be lucky if DamnCat and Marko The Mancuso tear each other to shreds.

    Reply to this comment

  33. How can DamnCat tear me to shreds, Jimmy? He’s a house cat. His front nails are probably clipped so he doesn’t tear up the drapes.

    Infidel, betting is illegal in this match. Cats can’t count.

    Reply to this comment

  38. So Frank was born on this day, did he concieve of Harvey and Basil at the same time then? Wouldn’t they also be celebrating their birthday today too then? Or do pigments not get cake?

    BTW Frank, you take all the fun out of unsafe gun play.

    Reply to this comment

  39. Marko, I was going to put my money on you. I like cats but cat claws are useless against submarine hulls. Throw in missiles and the cat is at a serious disadvantage here. Unless the cat sneaks into the sub and sprays all over the damn place.

    Reply to this comment

  41. You’re right, Cilla, but I have a feeling DamnCat has some un-neutered buddies just itching for a fight with Marko. This could get ugly and we’ll be lucky to live through it. I’m going to find a deep hole and hide, let me know when it’s over.

    Reply to this comment

  44. Of course, I was referring to ussjimmycarter weighing-in on the topic of Frank’s birthday. So I really wasn’t off topic there. So, that’s good.

    Not that a little mischief hurts Frank’s numbers, Marko. (The DamnCat seems to have vanished. But if he returns, watch out for his fangs. The last I checked, he still has those and is known to chew-up the curtains rather than climb them.)

    Reply to this comment

  47. Happy Birthday Frank!

    I was an avid reader a few years ago, and then kinda drifted out completely from IMAO.us for years (some lefty must have brainwashed me into forgetting your website). Just thought about you today, checked the website and it’s your birthday! Isn’t that a sign? I’ll get myself busy reading you this weekend, I have 4 or 5 years to catch up!

    Since I left I’ve met an American colleague and we now have been living together for 1.5 years (although she is leaving to Germany for the summer, and I’m stuck in France), I’ve managed to get a shotgun and some nice looking accessories (so you should get a nice pic to update mine in the Gallery, it it’s still online), and I’ve made my first trip to the US, 1200 miles between Philadelphia, Boston and the Thousand Islands. We managed to visit 2 battleships, 1 cruiser, 1 destroyer, 3 submarines and other stuff in those 12 days.

    Feels great to be back in here!
    Thanks for doing all your stuff!

    Reply to this comment

  48. Fred Thompson face-punch a hippie for Frank today. As Frank has declared today Gun Safety Day, I say Marco and Damncat square off with laser cannons at 20 miles, Anyone worth their salt can reach out and touch someone. It’s the next best thing to being there.

    Reply to this comment

  52. How did Frank post if his internets was down? I guess it is a magic birthday trick. I didn’t know Frank was having a baby. Who is the father? Do you need any help with suggestions for baby names? Happy Birthday Frank and many happy returns of the day whatever that means.

    Reply to this comment

  64. You’ve had a birthday shout hooray
    We want to sing to you today
    One year older and wiser too.
    Happy Birthday, to you.- Primary children’s birthday song.

    I hope you had a relaxing, calm and quiet birthday ’cause I guarantee next years won’t be. Baby food, binkies, blankees and colic, welcome to the world of the terminally tired, frazzled, and richly blessed .

    Reply to this comment

  65. Helen Thomas said the Jews should leave ‘Palestine’ and “go back where they came from.”
    Back to Auschwitz maybe?
    I try not to hate people but I don’t think she qualifies as ‘people’.
    Oh yeah, Happy Birthday, Frank!

    Reply to this comment

  68. It’s your birfday? Well that’s sumpin’. Happy birthday Frank! Be cool, you 20-something year old bastard! Heh. Tell Princess it’s your birthday too. (Despite SarahKs’ “Oh knock it off!”s)

    Reply to this comment

  69. Personally, I think gun safeties should be used as de-cock levels, and should be called by that name. I also feel that eternal safeties, like those built inside a Glock, are the only true safeties, as they do not give a false sense of safety, nor has anyone ever forgot to turn one off while trying to return fire.

    Reply to this comment

  70. FRANK, every day I get on IMAO makes it a birthday for me = constant amusement if not outrageously crazy funny. So the least I can do is offer my best birthday wishes to – – THE MAN !

    Reply to this comment

  75. Happy Birthday Frank!!!!!1!!1!11!!

    …Gee, that didn’t seem half as entertaining as Frank made it sound.
    Oh crap! No wonder…It’s after midnight! I waited too long and missed Frank’s birthday.
    I promise to do better next year.

    Reply to this comment

  78. -Speaking of what is the current Birthday tax?
    -What do you mean there isn’t one?

    Aunt Samantha (like Uncle Sam after gender reassignment surgery) gets a taste of everything that gets passed around here. If I have to build a fence to keep tax payers in I f@#^&n will dont think I wont!

    Reply to this comment

  81. Don’t expect Hillary Clinton to get your birthday right, she just screwed up something as wishing the Queen of England a happy birthday…after all, they’re an ally, so dems don’t see them as important.

    Reply to this comment

  83. Happy Birthday Frank!

    If I was funnier, I would think of something to make you laugh, instead, I will sprinkle pixie-advice over you (people hate advice – Happy Birthday again BTW).

    Every time your child speaks to you, maintain eye contact. Every time you speak to your child, again, maintain eye contact.

    (IMAO)

    BTW: Happy Birthday

    Reply to this comment

  85. After browsing in the archives, I will note that ’tis rare for an IMAO blog post to bring in the bacon to the tune of almost 100 comments without 40 or more of those comments being links to spam and what I presume to be foreign language pron.

    Reply to this comment

  91. One more to help go for 100 comments. Happy Birthday Frank.

    BTW when my wife was pregnant with our twins I would play with them by poking her stomach and they would poke back. My wife hated it because usually I would do this after they had settled down and I would get them all riled up again. Good thing it was before she bought her gun.

    Reply to this comment

  92. I know we’re knee deep in this thread, so this post is not likely to be seen, but I’d like to clear up something between Marko and Cat.

    First of all, if DamnCat is one of those special hybrid cats with 51 toes, he should have no problem aiming and firing a gun, even if it has one of those non-Glock-like (external) safeties.

    Second, it was Marko himself who once said, “Most things in here don’t react too well to bullets.” From this, we can presume that even 48,000 ton submarines have their own vulnerabilities.

    I am not a cat. I’m not even fond of cats; however, beware the mischief of an unhinged cat.

    Reply to this comment

  93. Burmashave, I am not afraid. I have wireless on this ship (not boat, ship), we will only surface for fresh fruit, and I will keep a sharp watch to ensure that there are no cats taken aboard. If he can’t get in, we’re safe.

    Reply to this comment

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