Random Thoughts

Glad Thundercats is coming back, but I never got why Mumra didn’t just kill them all when they were distracted with a laser pointer.

If it’s any consolation, Galarraga’s not quite perfect game is getting more attention than an actual perfect game would have. Also, with this experience, I’m sure it will be even easier for him to throw a perfect game the next time.

We need robot umpires who never make mistakes and seldom try to kill all humans.

Maybe it’s time to finally admit that baseball is a sport from back when Americans had longer attention spans and has no place now.

I think our dog has lost weight. For the first time ever, she was able to slip under the gate and run into the neighbor’s house.

Too many countries working on nukes. We need to colonize Mars so we have an escape hatch.

For the record, I don’t actually care whether Obama is focused on the spill or not. I don’t see how he can do anything useful.

Unless he decides to nuke the leak.

How important is it that the president pretend to care about disasters? Politicians are sociopaths; they don’t actually care about anything.

If we want a president who can convincingly pretend to care, let’s elect an actor. Actually, that worked out pretty well last time.

Anyone know what Al Gore’s been doing since the separation because I thought I saw him in my backyard last night.

They tried to get a photo op of Obama cleaning off oil-covered birds, but he kept accidentally killing them. He’s like Lenny.

Helen Cartman: “Why don’t the Israelis go back to San Francisco with the rest of the Jews!”

Let’s not rehash that Obama birth certificate nonsense. He was born in Hawaii; I’ve seen him hula dance.

You know what the left imagines Tea Party members to be like? That’s what Jackie Knotts actually is.

Anyone ever figure out what Grimace from McDonald’s is? As a kid, I always assumed he was the souls of dead samurai given form.

Ends up my grandma left me some government bonds. If I cash those in, will I bankrupt the country?

So has Encyclopedia Brown been rendered completely obsolete by the internet?

19 Comments

  1. If we want a president who can convincingly pretend to care, let’s elect an actor.

    I nominate Adam Baldwin. He can pretend to care – but more importantly he can scare the bejeezus out of our enemies. Just like the last actor president.

  2. “Ends up my grandma left me some government bonds. If I cash those in, will I bankrupt the country?” Unlikely. If you discover a way to bankrupt an entity that’s already bankrupted itself a dozen times over, you’re some kind of financial genius.

    I second the Baldwin nomination. Just look at his (or his character(s)’s) qualifications:
    – uses a picture of Bin Laden for target practice
    – salutes pictures of Reagan
    – hates hippies
    – would probably have Kim Jong Il killed on his first day in office. And he’d probably see to it personally.

  3. Anyone ever figure out what Grimace from McDonald’s is?

    Grimace is the Oscar the Grouch’s and Cookie Monster’s illegitimate love child. Born in a time when people were less tolerant, both parents feared losing their high-status positions on the family-friendly Sesame Street tv show. When Cookie Monster’s increasing size could no longer be excused simply by her love of cookies, Sesame Street announced that Cookie Monster would take a few months off to care for an ailing family member. In fact, Cookie Monster returned to her circus-people family for the birth of her child. Young Grimace found love and acceptance among his extended circus family and was raised by his uncle Ronald.

    Years later Grimace learned the truth of his birth and attempted to reunite with his parents. Ironically, they were still unable to acknowledge him. Though illegitimacy in now accepted , even celebrated, on Sesame Street, Grimace’s career hawking high-calorie, high-fat, and high-sodium foods to children doomed any hope of a public reunion with his parents.

  4. Maybe it’s time to finally admit that baseball is a sport from back when Americans had longer attention spans and has no place now.

    Who cares about baseball? Hockey is superior and Slapshot was better than The Natural. I look forward to seeing the smoke from the riots in Philly during game 6. It’s regretful, however that the champion will come from Obama’s town or Rendell’s town.

  5. If we want a president who can convincingly pretend to care, let’s elect an actor. Actually, that worked out pretty well last time.

    I agree. Too bad Carl Weathers couldn’t have been our first black President. Oh….right! There’s still time, thanks to Obama’s secret half-whiteness.

  6. Hey, did you see that program yesterday on the wild boar Gore problem sweeping the country? Frank, I think you saw one him in your backyard !

    No, Cilla, that was ussjimmycarter! And Helen is his “payback bitch.”

  7. I think our dog has lost weight. For the first time ever, she was able to slip under the gate and run into the neighbor’s house.

    I had a dog that did this. It was embarrassing but funny. My dog would sneak off my property and make a run for my neighbor’s house. My neighbor’s Husky would square off with his hackles up. My Sasha would run straight at the Husky at full speed, then juke around him at the last second, barge into his house and eat the Husky’s food. And oh, by the way, Sasha knew I was right behind him, and so, he would eat as fast as possible. Sasha was a Lab with priorities.

  8. Don’t get your hopes up. It’l be politically correct Thundarcats with mumra just a misunderstood hero battling global warming, voiced by Algore. “I am Mumra, Stop manbearpig!”

    We need to send those other country’s nukes to the moon.

    Helen Cartmen…brilliant. She’s been that way for a long time.

    The Grimace is what a human being looks like naked after eating too much McDonalds.

    Nuke the swales !!! Nuke the swales !!!!

  9. “Ends up my grandma left me some government bonds. If I cash those in, will I bankrupt the country?”

    If I was you, I’d cash those babies in before the country goes any bankrupter. Otherwise it’s a penny on the dollar.

    “Glad Thundercats is coming back, but I never got why Mumra didn’t just kill them all when they were distracted with a laser pointer.”

    So what are Thundercats anyway, a cartoon? I’m a Loony Tunes guy myself.

    “Maybe it’s time to finally admit that baseball is a sport from back when Americans had longer attention spans and has no place now.”

    Bull. Baseball separates the men from the Twitters, Facebookers and all those “social networkers” who will hopefylly die a quick, yet horrible, death.

  10. Grimace is all the fat they scrape off the floors and counters at McDonald’s at the end of the day. People would look at that disgusting pile of fat and “grimace” in disgust. Hence the name.

    I thought everybody knew that.

  11. I’m waiting for Fred Thompson’s winning pick in the “Fred’s Best Line” contest – which is out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.

    I’m thinking Harvey probably nailed it with his un-fact-checked entry:

    “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ‘em sensible with it.”

    (Fred, they’re not going to stop, so would you please listen to Harvey and start beating them sensible with a lead-lined copy? Thanks.)

  12. “For the record, I don’t actually care whether Obama is focused on the spill or not. I don’t see how he can do anything useful.”

    Only a flaming liberal can announce that he “will not rest” until the oil spill is resolved as he’s heading off on vacation and not get called on it by a single “media” person.

  13. DamnCats Grimace origin story was very informative and funny…but Cilla’s Algore story couldn’t have been correct (because) as everyone knows Algore has a limo with a driver who opens the car door for him . One last thought…considering what’s happening with this oil leak, if I were John McCain I’d be getting down on my knees every night and thanking God I lost the election. Just imagine what the media would be doing to him if he were president.

  14. 1. I thought Grimace was a big pile of McDonalds Non-dairy milk shake simulant without the cardboard cup and ‘grimace’ referred to the brain-freeze you get from slurping it down too fast.

    2. Helen, you ugly, anti-Semitic, old trollop:
    Sha-na-na-nah, Sha-na-na-nah, Hey hey-ay, Go-od Bye!!
    (Wait, she’ll be a special correspondent on MSNBC next week.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.