All of the following is an exact replay of the arguments I’ve used regarding Walrus, to Basil.

“Biden Is Gonna Kick Ass Here Because This Is a Normal Place”
New York Magazine | February 28, 2020 | Olivia Nuzzi

But I didn’t have any aliens to back me up. And this isn’t a normal place.
Apparently, though, one alien from the planet Harpoot weighed in on Biden’s struggle for relevancy:

“Joe Biden is gonna kick ass here because this is a normal place,” Dick Harpootlian said. A member of the South Carolina State Senate and former chairman of the state Democratic Party, Harpootlian, who has known Biden since the late 1980s, was an early supporter of his third presidential campaign.

To give this curiously-nicknamed alien the benefit of the doubt, let’s assume that reporter Olivia is nice-looking, and that’s his excuse for bloviating:

“He’s a normal guy,” he said, by way of explanation.

… if you have to stress something that much, . . .

“Iowa is like — you watch Game of Thrones?” he asked. I said I didn’t. “Well, that’s too bad,” he said. He took a sip of his latte.

. . . Well, this interview is off to a good start . . .

“Iowa’s like the area north of the wall where the White Walkers and the weird people are, okay?

… dismissively negating the earlier question about whether she would get the reference . . .

I knocked doors out there.”

What’s wrong with doors? Oh, he means he knocked on doors. In the TV show? In the fantasy world? In Iowa? Oh. Iowa.

He gestured to his aide.

A new character is introduced! Where has HE been lurking?

“He knocked doors out there!” he said. “They’re not normal people, okay?”

You’ve totally endeared yourself now to the people on whose doors you so painstakingly knocked.

Harpootlian

— who is neither a character from Ghostbusters, Star Wars, nor Men In Black —

tells two stories about Biden to anybody who will listen.

… a dwindling population. . . I hope that Olivia has gotten her drink tab paid.

He prefaces both stories by saying that he never tells the stories, and that if Biden knew he was going around telling the stories, he’d kill him.

Wait. . . . What?

The first story is about a golf outing when Biden was the vice-president. He was driving the golf cart, and Biden told him to move over. “I never get to drive anything,” Harpootlian recalled Biden saying, “I can’t drive a car. When I play golf with Barack, he drives. I’m driving the cart. Move over.” Harpootlian laughed. “So, I move over, and he drives the cart. Not very well, I might add.”

You’re BOOSTING this guy for president?

Later, at lunch, Harpootlian said he apologized to Biden for his bad golf game. “He said, ‘Oh, no, no, no, no, Dick. Don’t worry about it. You know, I learned a lot today.’ I said, ‘Mr. Vice-President, what could you possibly have learned from me today?’ He said, ‘Oh, five new ways to use the word f**k.’”

Wha . . . . . ? And then what follows is what is called “the second story,” proving that Harpoolians can’t count.

With friends like these . . .