Archive of posts filed under the One-Shots category.

You Can Usually Take An Article About Slugs, Replace the Word With “Bureaucrats,” and Come Out With an Accurate Assessment

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Understanding Bureaucrats: What They Are and How to Manage Them
ANIMAL ENCYCLOPEDIA

Written by John Brooks
Edited by Sophie Hodgson

September 4, 2023

Table of Contents
What are Bureaucrats?
The Role of Bureaucrats in the Ecosystem
The Impact of Bureaucrats on Gardens and Crops
How to Identify a Bureaucrat Problem
Natural and Chemical Methods of Bureaucrat Control

Bureaucrats are fascinating creatures that can both captivate and frustrate gardeners and farmers alike. In this article, we will delve into what bureaucrats are, explore their role in the ecosystem, examine their impact on gardens and crops, discuss methods of identifying a bureaucrat problem, and finally, provide insights into natural and chemical methods of bureaucrat control.

Bureaucrats are fascinating creatures with a long evolutionary history. They have been around for millions of years, adapting to various environments and developing interesting survival strategies. 

One of the most remarkable features of bureaucrats is their ability to regenerate. If a bureaucracy loses a part of its body, it can regrow it through a process called autotomy. This remarkable regenerative ability allows bureaucrats to recover from injuries and continue their journey through the world.

How to Identify a Bureaucrat Problem

Early identification of a bureaucrat problem is crucial for effective management and prevention of more severe damage. Look out for the following signs:

Signs of Bureaucrat Activity

Observe the economy for irregular holes and chewed edges, especially near the ground. Additionally, the presence of slime trails, especially in the early morning or after rain, is a strong indication of bureaucrat activity.

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And now, a bit of fun:

Three Charges; Three Questions

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Three apparent sex workers (Xiaochung Peng, Xiaoqin Wu, and Ping Zhang) were arrested on charges involving maintaining a bawdy place, aiding prostitution, and using a vehicle in the commission of a crime.

— Reason | 10.14.2026 | Elizabeth Nolan Brown

 

1. “Maintaining a bawdy place” — is it too much to ask that they define “bawdy”?  And, for that matter, “place”?   Otherwise, at their discretion, IMAO could be considered one.

In which case, my defense would be based on “Babeas Corpus” — “You Have [Quite] the Bawdy.”

Next they’ll be outlawing “ornery speech.”

 

2. “Aiding Prostitution”: Am I not guilty of aiding it if I do nothing about it?

And where is this standard when it comes to illegal immigration, and sanctuary and welfare states?

 

3. “Using a vehicle in the commission of a crime”: Where did that come from?  Using a pencil in commission of a crime?  Using socks / shoes / a map in commission of a crime?  Using a sofa in commission of a crime?

Perhaps in this case, one of the criminals brought the car in to a mechanic and said that it was making a kind of “Xiaochung Peng” sound, with an intermittent “Ping Zhang.”

 

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There Is Literally No Difference Between the Way IMAO Operates and the Way the California High-Speed Rail Operates

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IMAO World Headquarters

IMAO World Headquarters

 

California High Speed Rail to Nowhere Paid for Nightclub and Cigar Bar
frontpagemag.com

Dan Greenfield

The California High-Speed Rail to Nowhere started out with a $9.95 billion bond measure back in 2008 that was supposed to link up LA, San Francisco and the Central Coast by 2020, and is now up to… $231 billion.

Hopefully. At this rate, it’ll cost all the money in the world and still never exist.

So where is that money going? Here’s a hint.

Around the same time that the CEO of the California High-Speed Rail Authority, was arrested on suspicion of domestic battery after an appearance with Gov. Gavin Newsom celebrating the progress of the ‘train-to-nowhere’, Democrats were moving forward a bill to ban the public from getting crucial information about the project whose budget is more than 5 times that of NASA.

But at least someone’s been having fun.

California’s High Speed Rail Authority paid nearly $600,000 in unallowable travel expenses to “questionable locations that appear unrelated to state business,” including trips to gyms, a nightclub, an escape room, a tiki bar and a cigar lounge over a two-year period, according to an investigation released Tuesday by the inspector general that oversees the agency.

The report found that the agency routinely reimbursed consultants for trips that were unauthorized or poorly justified. Some consultants flew first-class and were reimbursed without questioning, in violation of contracts and state policies. One consultant flew his private plane from Washington, D.C. to California and was reimbursed for a premium fare.

Nothing to see here. Just business as usual.

Say, what do you think of our updated IMAO logo?

TANST-AWFUL

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There Ain’t No Stupider Thing As ‘Work-For-Us’ Liberals

Is this guy absolutely stark raving mad?

Mamdani’s definition of socialism sounds like state-controlled ‘totalitarianism’: critics
NY Post | 10/03/26 | Rich Calder

Far-left New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani offered an impassioned definition of socialism this week — one critics say rivals state-controlled totalitarianism — claiming in a podcast interview that it’s the job of the government to ensure the masses have “whatever you need.”

“Socialism, to me, it means that you will have whatever you need to live a dignified life and that it is the government’s job to deliver on that.”

… People talk about it as the extension of democracy . . .

— the extension of government intrusion —

. . . from the ballot box to the rest of your life.

“What do people mean by . . .

— government intrusion in —

. . . the rest of your life? They mean your workplace, your home, things like that.”

“When people say dignity, I want to be very clear, we’re talking about the things that allow you to take a breath: housing, childcare, public transit,” the mayor said. “No one should be priced out of these things. These are non-negotiables; you need these to live.”

— as is CO2, but that’s another discussion.

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