Image: immacookiebaker.com
They’re supposed to launch a probe to the Sun tomorrow. The “they” that’s doing the doing is NASA and the European Space Agency.
This probe is to study the Sun’s poles.
Think about that. The Sun has a South Pole and a North Pole. And who lives at the North Pole? Santa.
Well, not our Santa. The Sun’s Santa would be who lives at the Sun’s North Pole.
I wonder if Solar Santa has eight tiny reindeer. The Sun is a lot bigger than Earth, so he’s probably got more than eight, right?
And does he eat milk and cookies? Wouldn’t the heat from the Sun burn the cookies? Then again, he would get them at night, so it would be cooler, so that might be okay.
Anyway, I was wondering what might be different about the Sun’s Santa.
What do you think might be the biggest differences?
First of all, if the Grinch tried to impersonate Solar Santa, he’d be involved in a long, drawn (heh) -out copyright infringement suit with Heat Miser.
Second, you wouldn’t leave him cookies. You’d leave him a Corona.
And the song would be “Feliz Nova-Dad.”
Characteristically, the Des Moines Register has refused to release any news about the poles, because it doesn’t fit their narrative.
Solar Santa would necessitate a new Christmas song:
“Cessnas roasting / antelope on fire . . . “
and “Santa Barbie” (Australian version)
Different playlist for the Christmas season:
Here Comes the Sun
I Wanna Go to the Sun
Set The Controls for the Heart of the Sun
Walking on Sunshine
Ain’t No Sunshine
House of the Rising Sun
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me
No need for a BBQ Grill.
Dasher (1)
Dancer (2)
Prancer (3)
Vixen (4)
Comet (5)
Cupid (6)
Donner (7)
Blitzen (8)
Whelp, that’s 8 for sure but does Rudolph (9) the most famous reindeer of all not count? So there’s your more than eight brah.
Downgraded, like Pluto, to another Comet.
But he’s been upgraded to a Red Giant.
In proportion to their relative circumferences, Solar Santa would need approximately 874 tiny reindeer to complete his appointed rounds. But taking into consideration the Sun’s much slower rotation period, to make the trip in one solar “night,” the stellar elf could probably get by with about 36 of the crispy critters.