Texas fugitive wears ‘I will put you in the trunk’ sweatshirt as he’s arrested in connection with woman’s ‘suspicious’ death
NY Post | 1/17/26 | Nicholas McEntyreA Texas fugitive wore an ominous sweatshirt threatening to abduct people as he was arrested in connection with the “suspicious” death of a 37-year-old woman.
Kruz Dean Wanser …
Heh.
… was charged with felony tampering/fabricate physical evidence with intent to impair a human corpse, possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of a controlled substance and parole violation, officials announced Thursday. …
Wanser was booked into Azle jail,
… with all the other azles …
where his mugshot featured the fugitive with a tattoo under his right eye as he was wearing a purple sweatshirt that displayed a threatening message.
“I will put you in the trunk and help people look for you. Stop playing with me,” the shirt read.
… end every declaration of innocence with a smile and a wink…
… hire a Kardashian to defend you …
… wear a sweatshirt that reads, “Ripped From The Headlines”…
Have a bunch of hysterical white women demonstrate on your behalf.
Multiple teardrop tats on your butt cheeks seems sinister. Less so if you don’t resist arrest.
Using handicapped parking because your girlfriend suffers from Stockholm Syndrome might be a sign.
Creative Ways To Look Even MORE Guilty: …
vote for Democrats.
… take your oath of office after filing three criminal indictments.
Creative Ways To Look Even MORE Guilty: …
Put on a Clinton mask, he or she, or as a couple and walk around a Radical Right Neighborhood chanting “Nothing burgers; come and get your nothing burgers!”…wearing Mao t-shirts.
Explain to the arresting officers that you never thought they’d be able to find the body under the pile of Aunt Esther’s unfinished knitting projects in unit 318 of the Ready Rent storage lockers of South Waxhatachie, Washington before they even mention that the body was discovered.
… and then take it back — saying “It was a pun!”
“I was misquoted!!!”
Don’t use a burner phone when you call in to ask if you will be eligible for the reward money if you turn yourself in.
Even worse, you realize they might be able to track your call if you don’t have a burner phone, so you show up at the precinct in person to ask the desk sergeant.
… with blood on your shirt, socks, and knife.
James Comey decides against prosecuting you.
Winner?
“intent to impair a human corpse”
Is there a higher level of impairment than dead? Sure officer, I was dead when I ran over that curb, but I wasn’t IMPAIRED…Just ask that bible thumping hockey player in my trunk.
Speak with a Somalian accent, and if the police ask any questions, look confused and say you’re still learing English.
That only works in Minnesota.