The Massachusetts special election is coming up next Tuesday, and if Democrats lose Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, that certainly won’t portend well for Democrats in 2010. How horrible Democrats are doing, though, I’ll only consider 2010 a success for Republicans if ratings on all the news networks actually go down for an election day because of everyone turning off their TVs as they can’t stand watching such wanton carnage.
The Republican, Scott Brown, had a good response when asked if he would use Ted Kennedy’s seat to block everything Kennedy stood for, saying, “With all due respect, it’s not the Kennedy’s seat, it’s not the Democrats’ seat, it’s the people’s seat.” The Democrat, Marth Coakley, had a nice comeback, though, saying, “Yes it is Ted Kennedy’s seat; he marked it as his by urinating all over it.”
Coakley herself sure isn’t helping the Democrats’ case in Massachusetts, though, just sounding like an out of touch moron which is pretty standard for Democrats these days. Her main attack on Brown being, “If Sarah Palin weighed in on this race, I bet she’d support Brown.” That’s ridiculous, though, as Palin is too busy counting her money to care. And in another blunder, Coakley asserted that there are no terrorists in Afghanistan. If Fred Thompson had said that, that just meant he got up early that morning and killed them all, but I don’t think Coakley meant that. She also made some other baffling, out of touch statements:
“There is no recession in America.”
“There is no oil in the Middle East.”
“There are no gays in San Francisco.”
“There are no extra pounds on Michael Moore.”
“There are no wookies on Endor.”
Still, things aren’t locked up, as this is Massachusetts, the same state that kept electing the bloated, woman-drowning, national embarrassment Ted Kennedy, the same state that has people who think it’s a great idea that Barney Frank has huge influence in our economy. Plus, if you’ve ever been to Boston, the way everyone talks you’d think they all had a railroad spike shot through their frontal lobes. How did the basic phoneme common to America just completely break down in one city? Is their water a quarter lead?
Anyway, hope for good news, but even a close showing for the Republican in Massachusetts should be enough to send Democrats into panic, running around screaming and soiling themselves — you know, their average Tuesday.
It’s not that the American phoneme broke down in Boston. It’s more that the Commonwealth has maintained its distinctive phoneme since 1620. Don’t forget where this country started.
I can’t vote for a woman who can’t spell “Wookiees” correctly.
technically, she’s right on the last on (at least once Chewie leaves). Ewoks are indigenous to Endor (at least the moon). Wookiees come from Kashyyyk
Maybe Chewbacca got busy while he was there?
Ways Scott Brown will use Kennedy’s seat to block everything Kennedy stood for:
1. By standing on it and winging bricks at anyone who votes “Aye” on Obama Care.
2. By physically ripping it out of the floor, brandishing it with one hand and a bullwhip in the other, holding back Democrats’ bills.
3. Wiring the chair and tricking gullible Democrats to sit in it, to “feel closer to Kennedy’s legacy.”
4. By loaning it to Fred Thompson every once in a while – not to vote or anything, but just to sit in and stare at the rest of the Senate.
5. Turning it into a mech with ridiculous amounts of firearms and stalking the halls of the Capitol Building.
6. As a floatation device.
This beats Coakley’s only plan for the seat: Rearranging it with the seats of other prominent Democrats, while a string quartet plays nobly in the background.
If the Democrats lose, they have only themselves to blame for not nominating someone with the surname of “Kennedy”. They could have used a drunk they found on a street corner in Glasgow. They could have used the corpse of Lee Harvey Oswald – he has connections to the Kennedy name. But they decided to be super-smart about this.
And if the GOP had nominated Curt Schilling, he’d be leading by 20 points.
If Scott Brown wins the bloated, woman-drowning, national embarrassment Ted Kennedy’s seat
he’ll have to disinfect it, dip it in bleach, scub it clean, set it on fire, and perform an exorcism on it.
I love how all the ads for Amazon stuff I’m seeing on this page are for titles called “Ted Kennedy”, “Last Lion”, “The Kennedy Legacy”, and another one called “Ted Kennedy”. Then there’s one for Dexter Coakley Dallas Cowboys Autograph.
Methinks Amazon needs a little help with their automated targeted advertising software.
For example, if the phrase “bloated, woman-drowning, national embarrassment” is right next to “Ted Kennedy”, perhaps you won’t do well trying to sell books that are just glowing tributes to him.
Is their water a quarter lead?
roflmao
Gotta agree with IH8Socialist — Brown should just save a bit of his campaign funds to buy a brand, spanking new chair. Sitting where Teddy spent so many hours and left his considerable cheeky imprint? Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
With who, Joe? Ewok-Wookie half-breeds…
But, yeah, she’s technically right on that one anyway, since I think Endor was the name of the planet, not the moon itself. And since I think Endor is a gas giant… yeah, I’ll stop right there.
Admittedly, I like Star Wars way, way too much.
I’m on board with Marko. Know that study that says that you can trnspsoe hafl the wrods in a sentnce & pepole cna sitll read it? It’s not hard:
Kenedy
Kneedy
Kenneedie
Kenidie
Possibly even just Knee.
Alas, “Coakley” is probably too far.
Just for informational purposes: There is a Joe Kennedy on the ballot for Massachusetts’ U.S. Senate seat. He is an Independent libertarian-type, and he has no shot of being elected. 1) He’s not a Democrat 2) All the Media refer to him as Joe Kennedy, no relation to THE KENNEDYS. 3) Massachusetts has an aversion to liberty, so libertarians are anathema to them. 4) Scott Brown( more liberal than Mitt Romney ) is ‘conservative’ for Massachusetts, but all the Gay men,
and Heterosexual women in Massachusetts are ga-ga for him, so he might have a chance, because Martha Coakley is such a Democrat Tool.
Martha Coakley’s campaign ran an ad that misspelled Massachusetts. ( They spelled it Massachusettes ) Must have been that good Gov’t. Edjucation!
Speaking of Phineas Gage: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/Phineas-Gage-Neurosciences-Most-Famous-Patient.html
Thanks for the Mass. insights live free. That kinda stuff never makes it on the news.
don’t forget “There are no cats in America”
as this is Massachusetts, the same state that kept electing the bloated, woman-drowning, national embarrassment Ted Kennedy
“Treasonous”…you forgot “treasonous”
http://www.forbes.com/2009/08/27/ted-kennedy-soviet-union-ronald-reagan-opinions-columnists-peter-robinson.html
The next
load of graftstimulus bill includes $900,000,000to import phonemes from consonant rich Eastern Europe through a pipeline from Gdanzk. Soon,residents will have phonemes enough to speak in complete words theyah in Baahstun.
Coakley should just accuse Brown of an act of child molestation that never occurred to show that she’s tough on crime.
She’s done it before.