Obama Apologizes for Declaration of Independence

Posted on July 3, 2009 7:00 am

WASHINGTON (AP) – Just in time for the document’s 233rd anniversary, President Barack Obama has issued an executive order apologizing to Great Britain for America’s Declaration of Independence in 1776.

Independence? Dumbest idea EVER!

“It’s time to move away from the failed policies of the past,” said Obama during a Rose Garden press conference, “and the first step is apologizing for the original sin of this nation against the sensibilities of the international community.”

“The Declaration of Independence from the wise and benevolent guiding hand of Great Britain was, in the eyes of some, an important step,” said Obama. “But the manner in which it was handled was an affront to acceptable diplomatic norms. This crude and disparaging document heaped numerous, undeserved insults on the divine ruler of our compassionate and nurturing motherland. It used such crass and dispicable terms as ‘tyrant’ and ‘despot’ to describe the gracious tolerance of King George the Third to the aspersions and indignities heaped upon him by a cabal of ungrateful rebels.”

“Therefore,” declared Obama, “we, the people of the United States of America, do formally apologize and ask for the forgiveness of the descendants and heirs of Great Britain’s people and monarchy.”

Reaction to the apology was mixed.

Vice President Joe Biden said the apology was “a good start,” but noted that if we really wanted to make amends for 233 years of disloyalty, America would have to “show our sincerity with deeds, not words”.

“If we really want to make up with Great Britain,” said Biden, “we need to become more like them. We should adopt their health care system. And their ban on guns. And their ban on knives. Man, I hate knives… I cut myself on one last time I was in my secret undisclosed location under the old U.S. Naval Observatory… hey, this is off the record, right?”

Queen Elizabeth the Second said that she would “consider” accepting the apology if Obama would “take back this stupid iPod and send me a Kindle 2.”

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59 Responses to “Obama Apologizes for Declaration of Independence”

  1. Harvey says:

    No, Julie’s right. There’s a big difference between petrology and economics.

  2. Basil says:

    Most “economic experts” are actually dumb as a box of rockets, anyway.

  3. pristine2 says:

    It shouldn’t be a surprise that so may brainless people did not understand this was parody. Given their steady diet of Fox News and right-wing whinge sites, they are easily manipulated.

  4. IMAO made Snopes! - Redhot - RedState web01.prod.theplanet.eaglepub.com links:

    […] when Snopes has to put out an advisory on your site’s satire piece, You Have Officially Arrived On The Internet. Although, personally? I’m always going to think […]

  5. jami says:

    Here’s the way I understand it. Obama is like a kid with
    A D D , and he has unlimited access to anything anywhere at anytime.

    He had a fraudlent election with ACORN’S help, and wasn’t even
    born in this country. Listen, he has his hands in everything, and
    trys to be a one man show with background help of his Czar’s.

    Someone will eventually take his hands out of everything, but
    in the meantime we have to stand up to this out of countrol freak
    and someone has to get his attention, perhaps he needs to live
    in Kenya, his native land or go back to India where he went to
    school or even where he really feels at home ( IRAN – LYBIA,

    AND is constantly causing more problems. America needs to
    Obam was an ACORN person – Check out the ackronymn acorn.

  6. IMAO » Blog Archive » What should Frank do next? links:

    […] Obtain nuclear material and rockets, and nuke the moon himself. This may seem impossible, but if North Korea and Iran can obtain nuclear materials, then Frank can. And rockets? How hard could building one of those be? It’s not rock science. […]

  7. Live Free Or Die says:

    It’s Too Late To Apologize: http:// http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZfRaWAtBVg

  8. JP says:

    Interesting how so many commenters “think” this “story” is true! Readers, it is funny because it is so NOT true. Please look up “spoof” in your dictionary (that’s the big book that nobody ever opened at the front of the library–which is a building with lots of books in it! You can also look for it in dictionary.com.)

  9. MarkB says:

    Amazing how many magnificent idiots with an agenda believe anything written that supports their rabid hatred. With any luck maybe their heads will explode from the accumulated rage.

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