The final hours tick away. Judgement Day approaches.
And it’s not some namby-pamby Judgement Day consisting of nuclear holocaust followed by an murderous cyborgs with Austrian accents.
We’re talking Fred himself judging your entries.
Last call. Make it count, people.
Here’s the background & rule-related mumbo-jumbo again for folks who came late to the party or who just have short memories:
So the powers-that-be over at the Fred Thompson Show said “Hey Harvey, go promote Fred’s book, ‘Teaching the Pig to Dance’. Here’s 3 signed copies courtesy of Premiere Collectibles you can use for prizes”.
I said “Cool!”
Here’s how it works:
Contest runs 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You put in the comments what you think is Fred’s best line. 3 winners are selected from all submissions posted before Midnight on Friday. Winners announced Monday. Prizes are awarded to said winners (assuming they had the foresight to include a working email with their comment and I can get ahold of them to get a mailing address).
“Fred’s best line” means any quote, from any of Fred’s TV shows, movies, his radio show, his YouTube videos, old Lightning Round videos, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that you think totally rocks.
Now, IMAO is not some sort of fact-stickler news organization like CNN or MSNBC, so it’s not like anybody’s going to actually check your quote to see if it’s real. So if you just completely make something up that kinda sounds like something Fred would say, like “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ’em sensible with it,” who am I to question its truthiness?
For those who do not win, and for those voyeurs who just want to sit and watch while everyone else has fun, signed copies of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” are available for purchase at Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.
I should note that Father’s Day is coming up fast, and – having read this book – I can tell you that any human male who has survived his “stubborn, stupid, invincible teenager stage” and progressed to the “responsible parenthood stage” of his life will find a kindred soul in the pages of this tome and enjoy it immensely.
Book-plugging time over. Make with the quotes in the commments.
“We’re talking Fred himself judging your entries.”
Holy moley, Fred. Barack better wake the pig up and make her read your book! She doesn’t dance worth snot.
You’re hoping for the best, but you need to prepare for me, Iran.*
* – based on an actual quote
This is my fist. Get to know it well.
I don’t know if it was ever recored, but I KNOW Fred has said this to someone.
“…Judgement Day consisting of nuclear holocaust followed by murderous cyborgs with
AustrianFred Thompson Tennessee accents.”FIFY. That wouldn’t be namby-pamby.
I think the best line ever from Fred was no line at all. He just didn’t raise his hand.
“I’m not bragging, but I discovered the cure for Irritable Pig Syndrome. I called it Bacon.”
“I’m so awesome people cannot make up quotes that are half as good as the things I really do say.”
“Why in the Sam Hell would anyone vote for politicians who hate liberty, capitalism and free markets?”
“I challenged Aquaman to a fair fight. Unfortunately, his aunt died and he had to go to the funeral. For the past two months. He’s still there. That’s some wake.”
“When I am elected president, I promise not to appoint anyone to SCOTUS unless they have the required experience. Specifically, the experience of a 1” grouping of .45s from 50 feet. And they’ll be expected to carry while in court, so when a lawyer says something truly stupid, they can unholster their weapon and lay it on the bench.”
“I may consider alternative experience such as mowing down multiple bad guys.”
“There is not enough money in all the world to satisfy the government bureaucrats. So they borrow from the next several generations to buy votes now.”
“Government debt used to be like drinking, just one more drink. Then we started doing more and more crystal meth. Now we are on ever increasing doses of ultra-refined heroin. We do not have much more time to get off the dope.“
“A Congress of trained monkeys would do less harm to this country than the past few Congresses we have endured. Especially if we put them in front of typewriters.”
“Big government is out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through this.”
“Washington insiders have already spent all our money, already borrowed and spent our children’s money and are trying to borrow and spend our grandchildren’s money. I’m here to put an end to it.”
“Jack, Obama’s ego is so big the only way to get him out of Washington is to take a chopper and strip it down to a flying gas can.”
“If I had said ‘plug the damn leak’, not only would the leak have plugged itself, but it would have sucked all the oil back in first.”
Fred called. He likes #8’s quote. Now, as to the guy quoting it, he’s not so sure.
You’re speaking for Fred. No one’s allowed to do that, Jimmeh!
Once, just once, I’d like to lay my hands on the jackass who made this mess, and shake him by his big dumb ears until all the stupid falls out of him.
Fred Thompson doesn’t talk about it, he puts his size 17 foot up peoples asses and gets things done so he finds this whole Fred Thompson Quote thing teh gay and shall Smote the instigator within an inch of his pitiful life…
Fred Thompson: “In honor of Frank J’s birthday, I will punch a hippie in the face and he will be lucky to live thorugh it”
You know, the Bible teaches us that a dog always returns to his own vomit. In the same way, a liberal always returns to his own ideology.
“President Obama may have broken many of his promises, but he kept the most important one. We have the least transparent government, a massive and increasing debt, an inefficient and insufferable new healthcare program, an increasing threat from puny nations like Iran and North Korea, and a now noxious coast. This is ‘Change’, and I do ‘Believe’ in it. Apparently the ‘Hope’ was not as important.
Liberals want goodies, but to get goodies, you need stronger government, and that means a weaker citizenry. You can’t have goodies and a strong citizenry. It’s that simple.
From the IMAO blog awards: (below)
FRED IS AMUSED
(We hope!)
One of my favorite Fred Thompson lines was when he played Arthur Branch on Law & Order. He and Jack McCoy are arguing over a case and their individual interpretations of the law when…
Jack McCoy: You can re-write the law when you’re appointed to the Supreme Court.
Arthur Branch: God willing.
A great response that works for a number of posible jobs for Fred Thompson. For example:
Jack McCoy: You can fix the economy, create peace in the Middle East and cap the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico when you are elected President of the United States.
Fred Thompson: God willing.
Try one yourself.
After seeing Helen Thomas, I am seriously rethinking my gender preference.
After seeing Helen Thomas, even a case of Viagra won’t do it fellas.
After seeing Helen Thomas, Pelosi looks like a cover girl.
My Entry:
“I think one more step and they would have been introduced to those virgins that they’re looking forward to seeing.”
(He really said it, in a GOP debate, referring to an Iranian attack boats closing on a USN ship).
um, so who won?
And the winner is. . .
???
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?