I’ve been joking about the Democrats being evil and murdering each other, but I think I should be a gracious winner and give them some advice. Obviously the Democratic party needs a major reorganization if they don’t want to become completely irrelevant. I don’t think they necessarily need a complete change in leadership so much as a change in their focus and how they interact with the president. They certainly shouldn’t challenge him on the war unless they really want to marginalize themselves among the American people, but they must came up with a coherent domestic policy to put forth positively instead of just being negative about the Republicans. Also, to get the American people to accept them again, they have to shed their previous image. The best way is kill Bill Clinton in a low-key manner. I’m thinking a car “accident” would be a great idea. They should then have a very dignified but short funeral (you don’t want too much reflection on Bill Clinton because you know where that will lead). Then, after he is buried, he should never be mentioned again. I think that will really give the Democrats an opportunity to make a comeback. Also, I would tell them to stop being a bunch of whiny, tax-and-spend, liberal freaks, but I want to give them some advice they might actually follow.
Democrats can even screw up funerals. Just ask Fritz Mondale.
Way to be all serious and stuff. I expected a whoopee cushion. Where’s the whoopee cushion?
There was a whoopee cushion. I wouldn’t put together a “serious” post without a whoopee cushion.
Perhaps Mr. Clinton could ‘shoot himself in a fit of depression’ in some convenient park….
…while jogging
… six times.
The greatest part about this post is that it shows one great thing.. no matter what.. the Democrats need to kill somebody in order to make a comeback.
I think, in the interest of efficiency, it would be better to just kill Ralph Nader. That way they wouldn’t have to change at all.
Bonus points if they do it in an auto rollover.
Double bonus points if they can make it look like he was drunk, drove off a bridge in the middle of the night, and drowned Barbra Streisand.
“In a fit of depression while jogging, Bill Clinton shot himself six times in the back. While slowly bleeding to death, he apparently became drunk and then drove a car off a bridge while Barbra Streisand was in the passenger seat. There were no survivors. Police immediately ruled out homicide and expressed joy that those two were dead.”
Could Barbra have been in the trunk instead? That would have had interesting Kennedy parallels.
Chappaqua, NY (AP) — Former President Bill Clinton has died today in what can only be described as a freak gun accident. According to his wife, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, “Bill was cleaning his revolver when it accidentally went off…6 times…four times in the bedroom, and twice in the hospital.”