I’ve been thinking about the whole Hyatte murder-and-escape news story and one thing comes to mind: Traditional Values.
You see, Jennifer was a nurse. Sure, she was a prison nurse, but a nurse nonetheless. And being a nurse is what would be considered a “traditional” job for a woman. I think that’s a good thing, because Traditional Values is what we’re all about, right? We’re all for them?
However, freeing your jailed husband by driving up and shooting the guards is not what I’d consider a “traditional” prison break. I’d say that was one of those violent “New Fangled Ways” of doing things, certainly not what she learned in her traditional role as a nurse. Or as a wife, which she’d been three times.
Instead, I think everybody’s familiar with the classic “bake a file in a cake” ploy of the previous century. I know, it’s corny, but it’s practically tradition. And nobody’s ever gotten hurt from a file in a cake, aside from a few chipped teeth and maybe a loosened filling.
Once again: Traditional Values good, New Fangled Ways bad.
I’m just going to assume that Jennifer was just too busy as a nurse to learn how to properly bake a cake. Even with all those modern Duncan Hines mixes on the shelf that three moneys on acid can’t screw up, and all it takes is what – a few hours to mix and bake and cool? She didn’t even have to frost the thing if she didn’t want to.
Why did she go the “guns blazing” route instead of the good traditional “bake a file in a cake” route? Who knows? Maybe she didn’t get the Easy Bake Oven most parents used to give their daughters, or Home Economics had been replaced with “Womens Studies” in her high school.
Either way, I feel this is a failure of society to help impart our Traditional Values on our citizens, whether decent and upstanding or loathesome and criminal.
On behalf of society, I say “We’re sorry, Jennifer Hyatte. Can you ever forgive us?”