Of Podcasts! A smaller carnival to be sure, but this is its premiere. Check it out.

Well, Congress decided that a public that’s too confused to handle voting machines and butterly ballots is more than prepared to handle adjusting their self-adjusting devices for Daylight Savings Time.
Folks, we’re the country who brought you the person spilling coffee in their lap at McDonalds. And their ability to sue for doing that to themselves. And lawyers willing to represent them. And a jury who SIDES WITH THEM!
Of course, we’re not the only ones who torture ourselves with this bizarre changing the date of the clock-changing ritual twice a year. Apparently, it’s a malady common to our species:

Some European countries changed dates in response to a European Union directive to standardize daylight time beginning in 1996. That led to problems with Finnish dates in at least one version of Windows.
A few countries even change dates every year.
Israel, for instance, bases daylight time on the lunar Jewish calendar, and Palestinians change their clocks at different times as an assertion of independence. Windows doesn’t even provide an auto-adjust option for the time zone covering Jerusalem.

That must be awfully confusing, not having machines do the work for you. I mean, it must take five hours with an arc-welder and a PhD to adjust some of these newfangled self-adjusting clocks. I hear there’s a course at DeVry just for this kind of thing, and they keep the classrooms under armed guard to prevent students from smuggling out the expensive clock-adjusting equipment.
So, how do they handle this technological conundrum there in that crazy, technologycally-backward Jerusalem place?

Moti Tzur, a sales manager at Sakal Electronics Ltd. in Jerusalem, says the constant changes do little to confound manufacturers, sales representatives or consumers.
“We get up and change the time on the VCR ourselves,” Tzur said. “These things come with directions.”

They read the directions?
Wow, those Jews are smart with their fancy-schmancy book-learning. Where can we get us some of those? And can someone pick me up a cup of McCoffee because I really have to go to the bathroom.
Of course, we all know what this means. Yep. Me, the Token Jew on IMAO, is going to be the one stuck with reading the directions on IMAO’s server and setting it forward an hour.
Um… I mean back.
Heh.

Continue reading ‘Daylight Savings Time’ »

Hola!
My name is Pedro and my family came here from Cuba. We tried to make it to Florida, but the ocean waves pushed us out to sea and we eventually made it to New York City. New York City is the greatest city in the state of New York. We love it!
I’d like to talk do you about a charity that makes a difference. A company that is dedicated to taking back from the community and giving it to those who need it. Are we talking about the poor? No, I’m talking about Air America and corporations like them that desperately need our help.
Every year, corporations steal from Boys & Girls Clubs like mine. Do youkknow how to tell if they are taking our money?
Top Signs Your Corporation is stealing from the Boys and Girls Club…
10. Laptops looks suspiciously like Speak ‘N Spells
9. Break room suddenly has a large supply of Graham Crackers.
8. You called Tech support because of the mysterious crash of your Etch a Sketch.
7. PowerPoint presentations are done with fingerpaints.
6. You suspect that the phone voice mail shouldn’t greet people with “Yabba Dabba doo.”
5. or have Dino The Dinosaur instead of a pound key.
4 The budget includes a line item called “lemonade sales.”
3. Your New Business Stationery only has 4 lines. With little dotted lines in between.
2. Business Motto is “We can make even more lunch money.”
And the number one way to tell your company is stealing from the local Boys And Girls Club…
1. Your Corporate fleet now includes a Big Wheel.
But these are the signs of an EVIL cororation. Sometimes, corporations can do very good work.
That is why you have not heard any complaints from the New York Times, which is in no way biased. In fact, you should read their hard hitting new series, “25 ways Bush is worse than Satan” with an introduction by Al Franken.
In fact, that is my topic today….

Continue reading ‘Feed the Poor Talent’ »

I’m getting a precautionary CAT scan today. That’s where you sit in a room and have cats stare at you. It’s creepy!
Actually, I can’t remember the difference between a CAT scan, an MRI, and exploratory surgery. They’re all good.
Anyhoo, their giving me drugs to make me weird and queasy, and it says right on them no blogging if in your slogan is the word “unmedicated.” But I’ll be back to my regular blogging powers real soon. Luckily, with the other bloggers, I hardly miss me. If you need your Frank fix, though, check me out in the newest podcast and comment on it here.
Man, a cat is staring at me right now!

This week’s IMAO Podcast satirizes the energy industry:

ï IMAO strikes oil but will the money change them?
ï Dubya poses as a Canadian to get their oil
ï Laurence Simon updates “Jack and the Beanstalk” with a pot-smoking Willie Nelson
ï Harvey has Fun Facts about Hawaii
ï Buck the Marine reviews “Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon 2: Summit Strike“
ï RightWingDuck answers listener questions on the energy industry

For your Monday funny, DOWNLOAD THE IMAO PODCAST!
Be sure to tell a friend about the podcast and look for IMAO at this year’s Portable Media Expo November 11-12 in L.A.