This week’s politically-conservative audio

From what I’m hearing from those involved with IMAudiO (a.k.a. the IMAO Podcast) production, it’s doubtful you the fans will hear anything new from the IMAO Podcast by the Wednesday release date.
While you’re patiently waiting, here are some politically-conservative audio offerings on the Internet from friends of IMAO that you can listen to right now:

  • Shelley The Republican analyzes the root causes of the French riots in her latest audio and asks “if Tom DeLay is found guilty, should conservatives riot because things didn’t go our way?”
  • Our own Laurence Simon rips into an anti-Semite in the latest audio from Shire News Network, the audio wing of Silent Running, the premier Anglosphere blog from Down Under.
  • Speaking of Down Under and Laurence Simon, you can hear Aussie Dave from IsraellyCool give shout outs to Lair, Yours Truly, and IMAO.
  • Finally, there’s the relentlessly foul-mouthed Jim K. at Starkcast. Jim’s NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR CHILDREN show this week features audio from Satan’s recruitment video starring Hitler, Stalin, and Hillary (probably not the first time those three have been mentioned in the same sentence) at 24mins and 40secs into his show. I mention the “recruitment video” because I provide two of the voices, but the rest of the Starkcast is all Jim and you should send him your hate mail if you get offended.

What are your suggestions for other political conservative audio on the Internet? Please leave them in the Comments
UPDATE: Shelley the Republican (now going by the cool moniker of “STR”) acknowledged the hat tip from me on her blog just before she posted some interesting stats on violence in the ten most populous Muslim nations. Good read, STR!

When asked: “Am I Evil?” Scott replies: “Not as much as you’d think”

I ran the URL of a website other than IMAO that I’m affiliated with through the Gematriculator and received a result that I’m certain will be a shock to many:
This site is certified 99% GOOD by the Gematriculator
According to the Gematriculator website “Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God’s watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.”
Sadly, the Gematriculator says that IMAO on average has significantly more evil:
This site is certified 67% GOOD by the Gematriculator
Don’t get me wrong, IMAO still gets an acceptable grade in goodness but since the Gematriculator gave the other website that I’m a principal player on a 99% rating, I have to wonder who in IMAO is dragging down that goodness average?
I suppose you will all rush to cast the first stone in the Comments

Kevin Smith loses his “movie-merch whore leader” status

Kevin Smith, AKA “Silent Bob” from the increasingly dull “View Askew” movies, has worked hard to make himself into the archetypal Hollywood hypocrite. One look at Smith’s blog and you’ll see what I mean. The guy is a machine-like movie merchandising whore for the 21st Century that loves it when he makes money but parrots Howard Dean’s assertions about the evil Republican rich fat cats who never worked a day in their lives. Smith is the guy that actively sells used clothing and furniture from the sets of his crappy movies on his website to enrich his own life but thinks YOU are a jerk for being a money-grubbing Republican?
However, Smith has nothing on anti-liberal Hollywood filmmaker Vincent Gallo. Gallo, a true independent filmmaker and a guy that has much more in common with Republicans than Hollywood leftists, is selling his own sperm for $1 million on his website.
Kevin Smith has got to be kicking himself right now, sitting in his mansion saying: “Why didn’t I think of that?” and crying in his bag of money…
UPDATE: If you have not already discovered the very funny blog of frequent commenter “Dr. E. Scientist, phD” I suggest you do so. The evil genius schtick has been done a million times before, but this guy is doing it right!

My ignorance of Stephen Hawking…

I must apologize for my post yesterday about scientist Stephen Hawking on a tour of the west coast. I wrote that paying money to hear Stephen Hawking onstage wouldn’t be worth the up to 125 bucks people would be paying for those tickets which generated some negative posts from the female readers of IMAO and I apologize.
Because I had no idea Hawking had spent four years with The B-52’s! Yeah, in the late 1990s when their blond girl singer left the band to have a baby Stephen Hawking joined as a backup vocalist. He went under the stage name of “The Professor”:
It wasn't a rock; it was a rock lobster!
Hey, he’s checkin’ out Kate Pierson… looks like The Prof has a thing for redheads. Right on, Prof!
UPDATE: Several astute IMAO readers have e-mailed with more photographic evidence of The Prof’s mad stage skillz.

Stephen Hawking: In Concert

Stephen Hawking has booked several shows at theaters on the West Coast. Wow, I didn’t even know the guy was on tour! Is the opening act a drum clinic held by the drummer for Def Leppard?
Tickets for the Seattle show range from $35 all the way up to $125… to watch a guy sit on stage and lecture me using his Speak N’ Spell? No thanks, dude. It’s too hard to understand your lyrics… even though I never understand any of Rob Zombie’s lyrics, at least I get to see some laser lights and explosions.
If Hawking’s show has laser lights and explosions, then I might pony up the 35 bucks.

Halloween Audio: “Night of the Living Left”

If you wondered what it would sound like if two agents of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy(tm) and a talking cat were attacked by brainless lefty zombies led by Professor Ward “Chutch” Churchill on a Halloween night, then you must listen to the latest audio from IMAO’s friends at Pure Idiom.
Download Now:

WARNING: This audio is NOT G-rated kiddie stuff… You will hear zombies wearing ACLU t-shirts get their heads cut off, Nancy Pelosi will be called a VERY bad name, and shock rock legend Alice Cooper will rip “Peace Mom” Cindy Sheehan in half with his bare hands.
Hey, if none of that offends you–download away and Happy Halloween!
Click here to leave your comments on this post

“Night of the Living Left” Audio

Halloween is almost upon us and in preparation for this demonic day, I have gathered around the cauldron with Laurence Simon and Nathan from Homocon to brew up some audio witchcraft we call “The Night of the Living Left” over at Pure Idiom.
The plot is simple: Two unlikely compatriots of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) and their smart-alecky talking cat battle a horde of commie zombies brought forth by university professor Ward Churchill and a relic of left-wing evil.
In the first of a two part audio extravaganza, (click here to listen) you’ll hear the challenges faced by the boys of Pure Idiom:

  • Can the boys use their neocon connections to have the learned Elders of Zion write up the proper protocols to stop a commie zombie invasion from the Left?
  • Will they have the energy to fight after bungled Supreme Court nominations and White House indictments?
  • And what does shock-rocker Alice Cooper have to do with all of this?

Listen to part one of “Night of the Living Left” today, leave your comments at Pure Idiom, and expect the exciting conclusion just in time for Halloween!

Takei Gay, Mmmkay?

Tired of all the indictment and Supreme Court news today? How ’bout this bombshell: George Takei, the actor best known as Sulu from Star Trek, says he’s a homosexual.
Uh-huh. Like many of you I reacted with a hearty “yeah, so?”
George Takei is a guy that complained to the media that William Shatner was trying to pull rank to block Sulu from commanding the U.S.S. Excelsior in Star Trek 6. “Pulling rank,” Georgie? It’s a friggin’ TV SHOW! There’s no such thing as Starfleet! There’s no ship to command! You’re a friggin’ ACTOR, dude!
And so, another actor proclaims his homosexuality in Hollywood. Maybe if he did this in 1975 this would’ve been news, but in 2005 most people say: “Yeah, so what?”
You know what I wanna see? I wanna see something in Hollywood that is REALLY shocking: I wanna see male actors everyone thinks are homosexuals loudly and publicly proclaim their heterosexuality.
Got a list of guys in mind? Leave them in the Comments

Getting Ready for Halloween

I’ve been hyping up a Halloween podcast for over a week here and elsewhere, but last night I heard the teaser audio. It’s less than 2mins long but gives listeners a taste of the Halloween funny to expect next Monday, October 31. In this teaser, I do the voices for all of the teenagers and the zombie Ward Churchill.
On October 5th I wrote the first draft of a Halloween episode where Laurence Simon (the voice of the talking cat), Nathan, and I enlist the aid of shock rocker Alice Cooper to fight against commie zombies led by an evil professor with questionable Native American heritage. With our real jobs hampering progress, it’s taken a while to translate that script to a sweet hit of audio ecstasy.
One of the first scenes I wrote that you’ll hear in the full Halloween podcast next Monday, is this scene where we stop by a friend’s house that collects working movie props to arm ourselves against the commie zombie horde:

Continue reading ‘Getting Ready for Halloween’ »

Xbox Predicts World Series

Laurence Simon (who is much more knowledgeable about the current Houston v. Chicago World Series than I am) and I talked briefly last night after the Houston Astros’ close game about how he thought the Series will play out.
Laurence had some interesting predictions that made a lot of sense. This morning I find out that the editors at videogame magazine GameSpot ran a “simulated World Series” on a Microsoft Xbox and came to conclusions that are very similar to Laurence’s predictions.
It’s the classic struggle of human against machine! Gary Kasparov vs. Deep Blue, Laurence Simon vs. Xbox, your Aunt Donna vs. the toilet that won’t flush!

What the world needs now…

Millionaire lefty song composer Burt Bacharach has written lots of famous schmaltzy love songs for about 50 years, but the love has turned to hate. Snoop Burty Burt has been working with rap artists lately and now is so angry at George W. Bush that he’s written both the music and lyrics for protest songs against Republicans, Iraqi Freedom, and prominent African-Americans he considers sellouts for not being Democrats like him.
I’m certain Bacharach’s CD will sell. There will always be people that buy something from an artist no matter how poorly conceived or executed just because those fans think the artist can do no wrong.
A good example of that is Yoko Ono. She’s the older woman with marginal talents and a failing career that hooked up with a younger man with some talent that was going places. Most people with any objectivity knew that Yoko Ono was just a parasite on John Lennon, but John Lennon thought she could do no wrong and turned his career over to her. No matter how bad Lennon’s creative output was after Ono entered the picture, there would always be fans of his that would say: “Right on, man. You’re, like, so inspired as artists, man.”

scoff< Hippies!
Of course, if Yoko Oko didn’t have John Lennon’s previous output with Paul McCartney to draw from, she’d be screwed. That’s just par for the course… Burt Bacharach can do a CD full of lackluster protest songs he penned by himself because he’s living off his past glories of the songs he co-wrote with other artists.

Marty McFly vs. Captain Kirk

Of all the thousands of lawyer shows current on TV, ABC’s Boston Legal with William Shatner, is one of them.
To boost ratings, the producers of Boston Legal are busy promoting (I don’t consider promoting a dirty word) the fact a big star will be making his return to TV after many years of being away: Michael J. Fox.
I guess the producers of Boston Legal wanted to shake things up a bit…

Caption This Photo

I’ll kick things off:

The Astros game is preempted by Saddam’s trial? I thought I escaped from Iraq to get away from this idiot!
I’m sure there’s pure comedy gold to be mined from this photo.
Leave your caption in the Comments!
UPDATE: These are great captions, guys. My favorite so far has been from “Robby.”
UPDATE 2: 404’ed? I feel for you, Infinity8ball, my brotha!
FINAL UPDATE: Not counting those 404-error dupes and two pathetically ill-conceived attacks, the photo captions were awesome, guys. My personal faves (in no order) were from Robby, Chris, and AZ Teach. Thanks!

Is Halloween early this year?

A guy just walked by me wearing the same outfit that Jon Cryer wore as “Ducky” in the movie Pretty In Pink from 1986.
Nineteen eighty-six, for pity’s sake!
Is Halloween early this year or have fashions leapt backwards by two decades?
Speaking of Halloween, Laurence Simon will voice Tinkerbell The Cat and Shmuley, Scribe to the Learned Elders of Zion in the upcoming Halloween episode of the Pure Idiom Podcast. I will be voicing rockstar Alice Cooper, about a dozen commie zombies, and the character that confronts lefty college professor Ward Churchill in a blood-splattered showdown.
WARNING! Listen to Pure Idiom only if you want to hear an uncensored conservative humor podcast that is unafraid to pee-pee off those wacky-pinkytoe liberals.

European whores want a tax on nookie

Whores from Europe are lobbying the European Union for the “social rights” enjoyed by most European workers. Reuters says the whores of the International Committee on the Rights of Sex Workers in Europe (ICRSWE) were in Belgium yesterday to urge the EU to impose regulations on pimping in an effort to “curb exploitation and boost prostitutes’ willingness to pay tax in return for rights and social protection.”
Lefties on both sides of the Atlantic chide Americans for not being comfortable with their sexuality the way Europeans are… It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with my sexuality; it’s that I’m uncomfortable with this nasty-ass French whore’s sexuality:

This pic is of Camille Cabral, the French ICRSWE spokesmodel
I gather the ICRSWE is a union and this “woman” has seniority. A whole LOT of seniority.
UNRELATED TOPIC: Read about your sweet hit of sonic Halloween candy, “Night of the Living Left,” starring yours truly, Ward Churchill, Sean Penn, and Alice Cooper over at PureIdiom.com. Coming Soon!