Bill Gates, the world’s richest college dropout, is currently on a 3-day tour of top U.S. and Canadian universities to encourage Computer Science students to get graduate-level degrees.
When the world’s richest man comes to your college and in effect says: “Hurry up you students and get your doctorates in computer science so I can hire you to work for me at my company,” why didn’t anyone in the audience say: “No thanks. I’d rather drop out of college like you did and start my own business. You can’t stay the world’s richest man forever, dude.”
I guess when you’re a billionaire, not even your best friends from when you were an idealistic youth will tell you when do something that exposes you as a complete hypocrite…
I’m sure even if your friends called you on it, you’d probably sneer, correct them on the fact that you’re a billionaire hypocrite, and remind them to pick up your dry cleaning.
If you want to pick up some free audio funny for your Friday, check out the complete Pure Idiom MP3 starring Laurence Simon as Tinkerbell, the talking cat:
DOWNLOAD PART ONE:
http://www.pureidiom.com/podcast/upandaway_part1.mp3
DOWNLOAD PART TWO:
http://www.pureidiom.com/podcast/upandaway_part2.mp3
Listen to those MP3s to learn how you can win a FREE audiobook of Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way from Pure Idiom. Bruce Campbell is the guy that plays “Ash” in the movie Army of Darkness and was “The Prince of Thieves” in the Hercules and Xena TV shows.

An anonymous man here in Washington State purchased $2,500 worth of Serenity movie tickets in the hopes that his actions would jumpstart the movie’s flagging box office.
This is the effort of a true fan. A fan with more money than sense…
The analysis from movie industry watchers at Box Office Mojo notes that Serenity cost $39 million to produce, has earned $18 million in it’s first two weeks (losing half it’s audience after the opening weekend) and is on track to rake in only $28 million in total box office. This has got to be a shock for the movie studio, who was undoubtedly told that the movie’s fan base was passionate about the TV show upon which this movie was based.
Over the next few years the studio will make back their money and then some in DVD sales and TV rights. For that they can thank fans like the anonymous man in Washington… a fan with plenty of disposable income and the passion for a product so great he was willing to spend a huge chunk of money on that single brand name of quality entertainment he was so passionate about.
Remember folks… IMAO is also brand name of quality entertainment!

Most sane people figured this out 25 years ago, but finally the U.N. got the memo that Smurfs are up to no good and bombed their sorry blue butts:

These subhuman creatures live in a patriarical society ruled by a quasi-religious dictator with a beard, they devalue the lone female in the town by forcing her to care for the children (a career-killing move for any upwardly mobile young woman), and they hate cats… and that really pissed off Laurence Simon. To top it off, they are somehow related to Belgium.
Oh, wait. Now I’m getting word that this is actually an anti-war campaign funded by the UN to shame George W. Bush for personally toppling brutal Arab dictatorships and make Americans feel guilty for cutting off Kojo Anan’s multimillion dollar per year gig moonlighting for Baathist Iraq’s oil merchants.
Yep, after seeing the devastation of the Smurfs, I can’t help feeling smurfy. George W. Bush is so smurfing bad, I just smurfed myself.
Can the carnage of the Snorks be far behind?

A commenter calling herself “Third” cried:
Don’t you have any qualms about quitting the IMAO podcast only to start another one–and shill it on IMAO? Amazing.?
Thanks for your comment, Third.
There hasn’t been a lot of talk about my role in future IMAO Podcasts, but the fact is that I provide voices in the Tuesday IMAO Podcast for these three characters:

Continue reading ‘Dubya and Karl Rove in the new IMAudiO’ »

Have you listened to the Pure Idiom podcast yet? It stars Laurence Simon as The Cat, Nathan from Homocon, and me doing several voices and the comedy is modeled after the currently delayed IMAudiO.
PART 1 OF THE PURE IDIOM PODCAST:
http://www.pureidiom.com/podcast/upandaway_part1.mp3
If you haven’t downloaded the MP3, you can read the first part of the script to whet your appetite for more Pure Idiom.
Oh, and the story about me calling the program director of the top satellite radio provider is sadly, more truthful than I care to admit:

Continue reading ‘Script for 1st Pure Idiom Podcast’ »

Can’t wait until tomorrow for new IMAudiO?
Listen to the new politically-incorrect comedy podcast from Pure Idiom. It was written, produced, and performed by friends of IMAO: Scott, Nathan, and featuring Laurence Simon as “The Cat.”
DOWNLOAD THE MP3:
http://www.pureidiom.com/podcast/upandaway_part1.mp3
What is Pure Idiom? It’s billed as “the iconoclastic interdimensional misadventures of two guys, a smart-alec talking cat, and their celebrity guests” on the website, and this week’s special celebrity guest is B-movie actor and author Bruce Campbell.
Pure Idiom will be giving away five autographed copies of Bruce Campbell’s new audio CD “Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way” later this week.
Keep listening to the future episodes of Pure Idiom Podcast coming later this week to find out how you can win!
Like the IMAO Podcast, the Pure Idiom Podcast DOES NOT REQUIRE OWNING AN APPLE IPOD TO LISTEN!!! You can download and listen to Part One of the Pure Idiom Podcast from any computer!
Apple iPod users can subscribe to Pure Idiom with a quick cut-and-paste of this feed into Apple iTunes or any other podcatcher:
http://www.pureidiom.com/feed/podcast.xml

I don’t know what day it is on the Lunar Calendar, but if you’re going by the American Standard real world time, today is Laurence Simon’s birthday. He’s 245 in cat years!
Everyone wish Laurence a happy birthday in the comments.

Yesterday (Thursday September 29) was Spacemonkey‘s birthday! I didn’t know about it until just now because I was buried under work at my day job and didn’t get online until Friday morning. On top of that, I was in Seattle to meet up with cult movie icon Bruce Campbell again. Bruce was in Seattle promoting the audio book version of his very funny Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way. The audio book is great because rather than just some cold, dry reading of the text it is a full sonic production with actors and sound effects… just like a certain podcast we all know.
Hmm, I met Bruce in June, told him about the podcast, and then he comes out with a very podcast-like audio book a few months later?
Coincidence? HA!
Anyway, this ain’t about me or Bruce Campbell. It’s about everyone wishing SPACEMONKEY a belated but happy birthday today. The man behind that drawling Spacemonkey voice in the podcast is a very gifted comedic writer, a hard working dad and an all around great guy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SPACEMONKEY!
Send him some birthday love or at the very least, your typed birthday wishes in the comments (you cheapskates).

Frank J and the rest of IMAO have been attacked yet again in the forums at Podcast Alley.com for daring to be both conservative and funny. The very thought that the Christian fundamentalist fascist Nazi homophobe racist he-man women haters at IMAO are funnier than most has the left acting holier than thou.
The latest threat to the self-righteous political left from the funny that is IMAO came when a new podcaster asked for feedback on podcasts that are relatively short in length–only 90 secs long as apposed to many podcasts that can be an excruciatingly boring 90 minutes.
After several of the unfunny lefties told the new podcaster that they liked podcasts that are an hour or more, IMAO posted this response:
It depends on the audience your potential clients are hoping to reach, Mr. Bischke. To illustrate this point, please review this totally scientific demographic breakdown of podcast listeners worldwide:
Most likely to download podcasts of 5-30 minutes in length:
-Young adult males (ages 13-24)
-Employed males with high school education or better (ages 18-45)
-Employed females with college degrees (ages 25-“how old do you think I am?”)
Most likely to download podcasts of 30-60 minutes in length:
-Males aged 21-34 with a high school diploma or GED
-Females aged 18-23 with recording contracts through Sony Records
-Males/Females aged 25-54 who threw away their vote on Ralph Nader… twice
-Collectors of comic books and/or assorted sci-fi paraphenalia
-Survivors of a lightning strike
-Belgians
Most likely to download podcasts 60+ minutes in length:
-Teenage boys with no girlfriends
-Serial killers
-Drug addicts
-Hardcore fans of “Fresh Air” on NPR
-Unemployed IT support staff workers
-Unemployed independent filmmakers
-Unemployed talentless radio hosts
-Musicians
-Drummers
-Other podcasters who produce shows 60+ minutes in length
I hope this information helps you make a decision and remember to check out:
The IMAO Podcast
“If you listen to only one podcast this year, it’s probably because you still have dial-up!”
WEB: http://www.imaopodcast.com
E-MAIL: feedback@imaopodcast.com
Read on to see the pathetic response and find out how you can participate on this debate…

Continue reading ‘? and the “laws of thermal dynamics”’ »

Hello and welcome to all Instapundit readers!
New IMAudiO (or “IMAO Podcast” for those with iPods) is now available. In this week’s episode:

• Spacemonkey invents a time machine
• IMAO travels to Frank’s past to help him through a childhood trauma with disasterous results
• Harvey’s Fun Facts about Iowa is heavy on the corn jokes
• Laurence Simon is caught in a time loop
• Sarah reviews a Glock 17 handgun

Download teasers for this week’s IMAudiO:

• FRANK J: “the trauma that scars scars me to this day“
• The exclusive multimedia performance called “If I Could Go Back in Time” by guest artist Nathan of Homocon.com

If you want to hear the whole thing, download the MP3:
http://archive.imaopodcast.com/IMAO-Sep12.mp3
Love it? Hate it? Leave your comments on this episode in the IMAO Fan Forum and check out our previous comedy audio productions in our Archives

The one and only Homocon blogs about how U.S. dependence on dirty fossil fuels over clean nuclear power is very apparent after the recent hurricane.
I was shocked when his blog mentions the town of Galena, AK was given a Toshiba 4S nuclear powered “micro-reactor” to h–
Whoa, Toshiba? Toshiba builds nuclear reactors? Yeah, and have been doing it even after we dropped two A-bombs on them and Godzilla flattened Tokyo.
Better yet, it sounds like Toshiba has shrunk a big ol’ nuclear reactor down to “micro-reactor” size!
I looked for the Toshiba 4S micro-reactor today at Best Buy but came up empty. None of the salesmen on the floor were able to find any in the back room either. Eventually the sales manager got involved, but we just couldn’t find one. “It’s probably selling at a price point similar to those 60″ plasma screen TVs,” I said. “Can you look it up in the store’s computer? Maybe one of your other stores across town has one.”
“I haven’t heard any other stores talking about it,” the sales manager said. “Maybe we’re sold out because of the Labor Day sales?”
Well, that was a better theory than the lefty idiots at Amazon.com had: Their online sales rep blamed my inability to find a Toshiba 4S micro-reactor on their site because of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney’s connections to big oil…
Amazon.com is in Seattle, for cryin’ out loud. What do you expect?
What about nuclear reactors in U.S. Navy ships? Those are relatively small and IMAO has readers that know how to use them.

All of the IMAO Podcast subscribers know what I’m talking about.
To everyone else, I’m just that low-quality arrogant prick with empty threats that forces “The Great Frank J” to be unfunnny…
…but the real fans know the secret and are laughing at everyone else!
The cool kids can talk about it in the IMAO Podcast Forum

Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court William Rehnquist has died. He died of cancer but he’d lived a full life of 80 years.
I nominate IMAO’s lawyer Kevin to fill the vacancy on the Court.

The good news is that ALL previous IMAudiO productions are now available in the Archives. If you are a subscriber to the IMAO Podcast, expect to see options in your iTunes, iPodder, or other subscription software to download previous episodes in about a day or so. (UPDATE: Subscribers to our Web feed now have the option to download all previous episodes of IMAudiO)
Bad news for those of you wanting to hear a new IMAudiO production (AKA the “IMAO Podcast” to iPod owners) on Monday: We’ve been voted out of the top slot at Podcast Alley by four votes–IMAO couldn’t keep the top slot for a day.

Continue reading ‘IMAO is just “some other podcast”’ »

“Bush’s response was so tactless,” a liberal told me today. “He could have told the other nations ‘thank you for the offer but we’ll handle it’ but he didn’t. My teenage daughter was yelling at the TV yesterday because of it.”
Interesting that liberals consider this “tactless” response from the President when asked during a live TV interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer about his stance on hurricane aid from foreign nations:
President Bush: “I’m not expecting much from foreign nations because we haven’t asked for it. I do expect a lot of sympathy and perhaps some will send cash dollars. But this country’s going to rise up and take care of it. You know, we would love help, but we’re going to take care of our own business as well, and there’s no doubt in my mind we’ll succeed. And there’s no doubt in my mind, as I sit here talking to you, that New Orleans is going to rise up again as a great city.”
State Department spokesman Sean McCormack told reporters on Thursday that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice decided “no offer [from foreign governments] that can help alleviate the suffering of the people in the afflicted area will be refused.”
Even the communist news service in China reported on White House spokesman Scott McClellan’s briefing where he said: “[The United States is] open to all offers of assistance from other nations, and I would expect we would take people up on offers of assistance when it’s necessary.”