Q. Why is this a big deal? We’ve had nuclear weapons since the forties. What’s next? The North Koreans getting the microwave?
A. Let’s not underestimate this. While nuclear weapons go back a very long time, the speculation on their popularity was vastly overblown, as none of the predictions of every American flying around in his own personal helicopter armed with nuclear bombs ever came true.
Q. So, should we panic? I’m due for a good panic.
A. Sure. Go ahead.
Q. Aieeeeeeeeee! Game over, man! Game over! What are we going to do, man? What are we going to do?
A. We’ll probably enact sanctions.
Q. And that stops a nuclear explosion how?
A. Once the country is hit by a nuclear attack, it allows us to say, “Hey, we tried.” The only thing worst than a nuclear holocaust is a nuclear holocaust where you didn’t even impotently try sanctions to stop it.
Q. How can we be sure North Korea really set off a nuclear explosion? The explosion was only equivalent to 550 tons of TNT, and Bob Owens thinks they could have used conventional explosives to do that. Is he crazy?
A. Absolutely. Where in the world would North Korea get that much TNT? Dynamite R Us? That place has, at most, a half a ton of TNT in stock at a time. If you do the math, that means the North Koreans would have to visit at least six dynamite stories, driving all over North Korea to find them. Perhaps now you get an idea of how infeasible that would be.
Q. The Russians say the explosion was 5 to 15 kilotons.
A. The Russians say lots of things, and they also use the number three as a letter. Bunch of goofballs, the whole lot of them.
Q. So, are the North Koreans crazy enough to use their nuclear weapons? I mean, their leader is this short, weirdo with a potbelly and poofy hair. The guy is practically a carnival freak.
A. Hey! Don’t provoke him, fool! He has nuclear weapons!
Q. So, is that it? Is he going to nuke me dead?
A. Possibly… if you’re visiting Japan and the North Korean missiles work perfectly. The much more likely target is the ocean between North Korean and Japan.
Q. He can’t keep his Dong up, am I right?
A. Huh?
Q. It was a joke. See, the North Korean missile names all has the word “dong” in it, and that is often used as a synonym for…
A. Well, I’m glad that while we’re all threatened with nuclear death, you can make jokes. We here at IMAO are against all jokes.
Q. I know, I come here everyday. Anyway, if their missiles won’t work, what about the possibility of a nuclear weapon being strapped to a North Korean ninja who could then sneak into America with his ninja skills?
A. Nuclear ninjas? Bah.
Q. But they also know kung fu.
A. Well, it sounds like a job for Batman.
Q. I was thinking Chuck Norris.
A. Either or. Anyway, I hear Homeland Security is well aware of the nuclear ninja threat, and will shoot on site anyone dressed all in black.
Q. Won’t that cause a lot of innocent Goths to be shot?
A. Yeah. So?
Q. Well… it’s just… forget it. So, isn’t this a failure of the Bush administration?
A. Isn’t everything?
Q. I’m serious! He was all focused on Iraq and it’s non-existent WMDs, and now North Korea has actual working nuclear weapons.
A. What were we supposed to do? Invade them? What would we have to gain? They have no oil for us to steal, and we already have plenty of nuclear weapons of our own, so why would we want theirs?
Q. It’s more than that! I hear the Koreans eat dogs. We have to stop that!
A. That’s a cultural thing.
Q. But it’s just like cannibalism… except, instead of eating people, they eat dogs!
A. The U.S. government won’t even stop Glenn Reynolds from making puppy smoothies, so I wouldn’t expect action against North Korea.
Q. I question the timing of this nuclear test.
A. Of course you do, you moonbat.
Q. Well, how do you think this will effect the election?
A. While the Democrats can play this up as a Bush failure, if Americans feel there is an actual big international threat out there, people aren’t going to look for protection among a bunch of whiny Democrats who all had silicon testes implants to pretend they actually have balls.
Q. Some Democrats do have testicles!
A. Maybe Hillary.
Q. This is stupid. I want more info about the Mark Foley scandal!
A. I’m sure the MSM will prioritize towards that as soon as they can.
Q. What does a dog taste like?
A. If you’re really curious, e-mail Glenn Reynolds. Now, have a happy, radioactive day.