Surprise! The world seemed to fall apart during our 5-year hiatus to Krypton, so we’re back! Well… most of us are back…
In this week’s podcast…
Harvey has Fun Facts about Michigan!
SarahK reviews Smallville (find out who she hates)!
American Monkey returns!
Frank J. has oil solutions!
Lair tells a very Crappy Bedtime Story!
and more!
Download it now! Now! Go! Do it!
I should know; I married one.
Anyway, Son of Bob has a catwa issued against him for comments made in an IMAO post. It is also issued to Glenn Reynolds for quoting the comment approvingly.
BTW, the cool, huge surprise is still coming later tonight, so keep tuning in.
Senate Democrats have introduced legislation that would legalize spying on Republicans serving in the Senate and the House of Representatives. “Say what you want about us,” opined one leading Dem, “but at least when we get caught with our pants down, it’s usually with a female. Usually.”
“Democrats understand that , in order to protect the country from Perverts and those who associate with them, sometimes it’s best to capture data when pervs don’t know you’re listening.”
Leading Democrat Nancy Pelosi commented: “We’ve decided to address the issues that threaten our nation. Were it not for the investigative efforts of our tireless investigators, Mark Foley, a REPUBLICAN, would have continued to flirt with young boys. Flirting with young men – unlike threatening to destroy our country and everyone in it – should not be protected free speech.”
When questioned by Fox News why protecting our children from perverts is different than protecting them from terrorists, they commented that they did not want to violate the separation of church and state.
Under the new proposed legislation, called Profiling Republicans, all communications between Republicans and the outside world would be monitored and supervised.
Tell me this isn’t true. Senator Frist wants to negotiate WITH THE TALIBAN! Hell, why don’t we just invite al Qaeda while were at it and make all nicey-nice with them too. You can bring chips and they’ll bring the potato salad.
RARR!
Usually most of politics doesn’t make me too angry because it’s all the idiocy is just expected, but right now I need some duct tape to keep my head from exploding. If we can’t even expect the Republican Majority Leader to focus on killing all the terrorists, what hope do we have? We know the eunuchs in the Democratic Party are just going to do everything they can to ignore the issue (national security doesn’t play to their “strengths”), so who does that leave to vote for? Are there any men left in Washington?
If terrorists scare you, please resign from national office. Now.
UPDATE: Mary Katherine Ham reminds us exactly who the Taliban are. There is no negotiating with that.
UPDATE 2: Is Frist retiring? I see that in the comments at Hot Air. Gee, I hope that’s true…
UPDATE 3: MKH says that Frist is claiming he was misquoted and there will be a blog post addressing the topic soon.
He better claim to be misquoted…
UPDATE 4: He’s backed off the statement somewhat now. Check out any of the links on this post to see his statement.
Today, GOP Senators and members of the House held a joint press conference stating: “We don’t know anybody.”
Due to recent scandals, most recently the one where GOP Rep Mark Foley was caught sending illicit emails to underage interns, many GOPers have established a policy of creating distance from each other.
At the press conference Senator John McCain said, “I’ve never met any of these people in my life and refuse to somehow be linked to any of them or their scandals. Heck, some of my best friends are Democrats so I really don’t know what you’re talking about. ”
Bill Frist who declined to be photographed with any one else at the afternoon meeting had this statement: “If elected to office, we promise to work with the other side of the aisle as long as no other Republicans are sitting there either. If so, we have no knowledge of any of their actions and refuse to be associated with them.”
A Republican member of the House of Representatives was also on hand at the press conference but wore a fake nose and glasses.
A possible pedophile is discovered in Congress.
What Goes Through a Republican’s Mind: “This is awful! We need to get this guy out of here immediately!”
What Goes Through a Democrat’s Mind: “Yes! This is too good to be true! We finally have an issue for this election!”
Question: Would people be labeling Foley a pedophile if he tried to involve himself with a 16 year old girl, or would people simply call him “lecherous”? Seems like there is a bit of a double standard there… but I guess I don’t care since I hate gay people.
Grrr! Gay people! ::shakes fist::
The National Man Boy Love Association today issued a statement declaring their support for embattled GOP Representative Mark Foley of Florida.
Said NMBLA spokesman Kuhmir Littleboy, “Although usually we try to cast our support in favor of Democrats and homosexuals, we felt the cause was worthy and we should come out in favor of flirting with sixteen year old boys.”
The ACLU has been silent on the issue of dirty emails, mostly because Rep Foley is neither Black nor Muslim. However, NMBLA has been quite vocal on their opinion.
“We have always supported the notion of grown men sleeping with children. Normally we proclaim this message at local Gay Pride Parades, but we feel it’s never a wrong time to speak up, just as there’s never a wrong time to hump young boys.”
GOP Rep Foley, who tendered his resignation, had the following statement: “I have no comment on this statement of support from NMBLA. By the way — what were they wearing?”
There are now a number of cool new designs at the IMAO Store (a couple seen at the top of the main page). I hope to add Frank J. in 2016 presidential campaign buttons soon (or some ’06 ones if the Republicans in Florida are smart). Also, I’ll be sending out a new newsletter this week (which will finally include the official explanation of what IMAO stands for), so make sure to go to the store and sign up if you haven’t already.
Also, a really really cool surprise will be out later today.
So buy stuff and support IMAO! (Reminder: Any designs bought by clicking through the CafePress ad on our store’s page also get us lots of money, so you can buy anything from CafePress and support IMAO)
Welcome to a new series called IMAO Blogger Pumpkins.
I’m hoping to start a Halloween tradition here at IMAO by posting a photo of my pumpkin. Then all the other IMAO Bloggers won’t feel so stupid about posting photos of their own pumpkins.
So here it is, my pumpkin:
So, Frank and Sarah, did you have one of these at your wedding?
I hear that the Republicans are looking for someone to run in Mark Foley’s place. Why not me?
As a blogger based in Florida, I already bring in tens of Floridians who support me – maybe some of whom live in Mark Foley’s district (I’m not exactly sure where that is, but that’s what campaign managers are for). Also, has any blogger – particularly one focused on political humor – run for the House? No, and thus my candidacy is sure to bring publicity… and not just the bad kind the Republicans are already getting.
As most know, I’m a strong conservative Republican and have absolutely no sexual interest in teenage boys, but what does that mean policy wise? For one thing, you can be sure I’m not going to burden our country by trying to bring pork home to my district, because I don’t even like Floridians; why would I give them anything? Instead, as a politician, I’ll be solely motivated by my hatred of terrorists. Everything I do will be to help see terrorists dead, and I’ll try and insert terrorist killing amendments in every bill we vote on. I’m sure eventually the older Representatives (which would be all of them) will begin to find me annoying and yell at me. But I won’t be intimidated. I’ll yell back at them, “Shut up, grandpa, before I break your hip!” And woe be anyone who thinks I’m bluffing.
That’s a promise.
Now, some may say I’m too young. Those people are traitors. The Constitution clearly states that someone only needs to be twenty-five to serve in the House of Representatives, and I’m twenty-seven. Thus, in the age department, I’m over-qualified. If you don’t agree with that, then you hate the founding father and should be executed for being a Communist.
It’s time for a blogger to take political office and shake up the status quo, so urge the Republicans in whatever district Mark Foley is in to consider me. I won’t disappoint my country… though I possibly will embarrass it slightly.
But no sex scandals – especially really creepy ones. That’s also a promise.
1) In “Krusty Gets Busted”, what physical feature of Sideshow Bob’s gives him away?
2) When Homer becomes an executive at the power plant, who is his personal secretary?
3) Who provided the voice of the Babysitter Bandit?
4) What miracle medicine gives Homer a full head of hair?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
