As you know by now, Republicans are all completely gay. You, me, all of us. Queer as a proverbial three Euro note (or the regular one Euro note for that matter). Sweet as an all-month sucker. It’s a proven fact. Ask any Democrat and they will assure you that it is so. Try as we may like to deny it, the allegations speak for themselves loudly, openly and proudly. We just have to deal with it. I mean there are lists! With NAMES!
And once you get listed as a gay, there’s simply no unlisting. You don’t go back in the closet, unless you coordinate very well. Even then it’s just to get dressed for an outing of some sort. You just can’t unlick the cat, so to speak. You also can’t unwrestle the snake, though I think I may have coined that term right out of hand, so to speak.
The most stunning part of all this new queer reality or queerality is the idea that we must hate ourselves and not vote for our gay brethren and sistren any ‘mo for the simple fact of our mutual gaiety. But is our own undeniably fabulous gayness a sufficient reason to do as the liberals would have us to do? To do what used to seem unthinkable namely voting for a Democrat? Or staying home and not voting for fear of supporting one of “them” (you know, us)? No, of course not, don’t be such a fag.
The Democrats pushing this crap is like the pot calling the kettle FABULOUS!
We must put aside our self hate and focus on a return to our grassroots of hating all those who hate America. Namely the Democrats. We express our hate for them by keeping them out of office. And by logical extension, the terrorists. We can expressing our hate for them by keeping them from breathing. Who hated us when we were just Americans? Who hates us doubly more now that we are gays as well? I’ll tell you who. Democrats and terrorists. TerrorCrats if you will.
After all, these two groups have demonstrated an affinity for sucking up to each other for mutual benefit time after time and then they spit all over America. Bending over backward to show their sensitivity to each other’s needs and wants. They have formed a circle of trust and openly give each other a hand when a job needs doing to hurt America. What total slimy jerks!
No I tell you TerrorCrats are the real girly men and manly girls. I call on all Republicans to not fall for this “Stay at Homo this Election Day” business. Instead we all need to “Get out the vote! Dress Flamboyant But Vote Conservative!”
Spacemonkey is the author of such books as “We’re Here, We’re WHAT!!!?!? I can’t deal with that”, and “Gay as in Happy” and “The Secret to Staying Super Straight.”
Wow.Spacemonkey funny And wordy, who woulda thunk. Good stuff but no more time to give the proper ammount of praise, Queer Eye For The Liberal Guy is starting.
The last half of the second-to-last paragraph was, ahem, cheeky–like you were channeling the spirit of Dr. Tobias Funke, Analrapist.
“I can’t wait to get my mouth around those juicy man parts!”
-Tobias Funke
I guess this post meets spacemonkey’s writing quota for the next two months. Real funny, BTW, and I loved the book titles.
My new voting motto.
Force me to choose between a hypocrite and lunatic.
I’ll choose the hypocrite every time.
That’s why I vote Republican.
The problem with voting for the hypocrites, is that they will be hypocrites again for the next 2 years (or 6 in the senate). If the lunatics win then the hypocrites will stop being hypocrites long enough to grow a pair and fight for the conservatives that elect them, and hopefully learn that they cannot keep running as conservative and governing as liberal. If we can’t elect conservatives that stay conservative (and i mean good old conservatives, not neocons like the Bush family),we will continue our downward spiral into Roman oblivion. So I see 2 years of political hell better than total destruction of our nation within a couple of decades. Lucky for me, my rep is still fairly conservative so I don’t have to make that choice.
May God still bless our country,
D
very funny spacemonkey!
especially liked: “Or staying home and not voting for fear of supporting one of “them” (you know, us)? No, of course not, don’t be such a fag.”
and “Stay at Homo” and “get out the vote”
neo, more like a choice between a hypocrit and a hypo-lunatic.
Hmm–
Seems that I have touched a nerve.
I guess I should be more specific.
I consider there to be two species of hypocrite.
The greater hypocrite and the lesser hypocrite.
Greater hypocrites outright misrepresent themselves and their views. Living a life of lies.
Lesser hypocrites fail to live up to their views, standards, morals, promises.
The human failings of the lesser hypocrite I can live with. You Christians call him a sinner, I believe.
The greater hypocrite I won’t put up with. He is evil any way you cut it.
By the way, I don’t think Democrats taken as a whole, are lunatics. I do believe their party core has been thrown to the lunatics, and the sane amongst them will be forced to abide the lunatics this time around.
so i guess the key to getting Spacemonkey to write something is to pay him.
“The Democrats pushing this crap is like the pot calling the kettle FABULOUS!”
LOL! At least we know who is really pushing the crap!
I heard Tammy Bruce on the Laura Ingram show yesterday. She suggested that the dems rename their party the Socialist Labor Party and the Republicans rename their party to the Democratic party because they are nothing but big spending liberals… I agree…sigh!
Everyone except the naysayers: Thanks
Naysayers: Nuh-uh
Sarahk: Hmm, pay certainly does grease the mental wheels. But I guess I’m too selective in choosing my inspirations.
I often opt for the short sniping hit piece, intead of the longer thought out piece.
I think this is the most spacemonkey I have ever read in one sitting. I’m impressed. Very funny.
Good post. Humor, but with a point-me like.
For those denegrating the House GOP:
They have a good, but not really conservative, President to contend with. Remember the Senate immigration bill that he would have signed? You know, the one with amnesty for a several million illegals. If it weren’t for the House Repubilicans, we would be living it right now.
Also, do you really think the libs will act like Americans for the next two years if they are suddenly handed the keys to the Legislative branch? You need to really, REALLY think about a congress controlled by Reid, Kennedy, Pelosi, etc. If you think things are bad now…..
the dems have already said they’ll raise our taxes if they win (for their 90 billion in new programs)
The double entendres had me rolling. That Hick sure knows his Funny.
Hilarious! Now bend over and I’ll drive you home!
What do you do when you drop your wallet in Washington, D.C.?
Make sure I’m not behind you when you pick it up! ( i said behind, hee hee hee)
I also used a seldom attempted triple entendre.
Challenge: Can you find it?
you are truly a funny guy! and very articulate for a hayseed. or should that be a “gayseed”?