Obama Fortune Cookies

[conceptual hat tip: Dylan]
I know Obama prefers burgers, but I’m guessing that he ate a lot of Chinese food on his recent trip.

I also assume that Chinese Chinese food comes with a fortune cookie, just like American Chinese food.

Which leads to the obvious speculative query: what fortunes did Obama get in his fortune cookies?

I speculate thusly:



* You do good job! Take a bow!

  • If you have bad news to break, leave town and let Holder guy do it.
  • You look better wearing Mao jacket. Everyone look better wearing Mao jacket. Whole world wear Mao jacket soon!

  • You will try something new – a terrorist in New York City.

  • China cold like Chicago. Bring heavy coat.

  • Save lives. Make Biden walk.

  • Prosperity is coming. Just tax it until it go away.

  • Why you let wife go out in public dressed like that?

  • Today you meet friend from long ago. Tomorrow you throw him under bus.

  • Seriously, where birth certificate?


If you’ve gone through Obama’s trash recently and found any of his old fortune cookie fortunes, feel free to share in the comments.

33 Comments

  1. * You no need stinking tereprompter. You stutter already fine.

    * Why you say “I” with good news, “We” with bad?

    * Do not bring your dog to China. Some people eat your dog.

    * We confused. Is Perosi your wife? Or Hillrary? Or the Klingon?

    * We no like Hillrary. Preosi smell. Klingon ugly. Go home now.

  2. “Obama prefers burgers” – typo – boogers FTFY

    Old Chinese proverb – never trust faux wanna be, basketball participant, joke – they dribble (down their leg) before they (prematurely) shoot.

    Where’s the wook? We love better than puppies and kittens. Fatty, but tasty. Bacon helps.

    Chinese have nicknamed honorable president – One Bows Low

  3. * You do good job! Take a bow… IN BED.

    * If you have bad news to break, leave town and let Holder guy do it… IN BED.

    * You look better wearing Mao jacket. Everyone look better wearing Mao jacket. Whole world wear Mao jacket soon… IN BED.

    * You will try something new – a terrorist in New York City… IN BED.

    * China cold like Chicago. Bring heavy coat… IN BED.

    * Save lives. Make Biden walk… IN BED.

    * Prosperity is coming. Just tax it until it go away… IN BED.

    * Why you let wife go out in public dressed like that… IN BED.

    * Today you meet friend from long ago. Tomorrow you throw him under bus… IN BED.

    * Seriously, where birth certificate? IN BED?

  4. “Its not them. Its you.”

    “We take over world you look fortune cookie when need idea”

    “Your daughters cute but you and wife ugly, you sure they yours?”

    “If you believe Marxism you believe whatever i write too he he he he”

    “I fortune cookie started global warming theory as joke”

    “Me fortune writer actually American but grammer no good we was taught in government schools by Marxists union members and teh hippies”

    “turn over”…”turn over” “turn over”…

    “stop looking to me and fix your economy and by fix it i mean leave it alone it will fix itself”

  5. “Remember when i told you pick Joe Biden… Gotcha HA-HA”

    “I would say leave tip but its our money anyway”

    “soon we own US then you be rice farmer with very low carbon footprint. ha ha ha”

    “You will be a great dad, good husband, nice guy, and a shitty president”

    “please dont eat the paper this time”

    “what massive Chinese military buildup? You imagining things. Now, eat this cookie and fall fast asleep”

    “What you looking at round eye 8) ?”

  6. *You rike Great Walr; Expensive to maintain, but functionary worthress

    *Man who marry sasquatch must keep steady suppry of hairbalr medicine

    *Seriousry? You expect me to front you a twenty for the mealr?

    *Air Force One? Oh! We ship back in peices ratter. You take tramp steamer back to USA

  7. Pingback: IMAO Time Machine: Obama Fortune Cookies – IMAO

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