So the U.S. played Slovenia in the World Cup Friday — a country not even Google has any idea where it is — and they started out whomping us 0-2. That seemed impossible to come back from because two goals is already pushing the excitement one soccer game can contain, but America did come back. And when they kicked a goal putting them ahead 3-2… the referee took the goal away because of some invisible foul only he could see. So the game was stolen by some anti-American ref.
I know — it’s soccer so who cares. I didn’t even watch the game. But the thing is while I’m okay with America losing a game because our team sucks as we don’t care about that sport, but I can’t stand any game being stolen from us. I don’t care if it was Candyland played on an international level — when we win fair and square, there are huge consequences from trying to take that away.
Right after that game, the President should have gone right on TV and said to the camera, “Referee from the U.S.-Slovenia game, I want you to know you have killed your family. When you get back to your home country, you will see nothing but dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them destroying everything you know. You have done this to yourself; it’s now out of my hands.”
Yep, this is yet another argument to get working on the dinosaurs with rocket launchers program. When people know you have dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them and aren’t afraid to use them, they’re fair to you. Sometimes more than fair.
Frank, what is wrong with you?
No one “wins” in soccer, you crazy man. I advise you to watch the 1967 Super Bowl and eat an apple pie.
C’mon Frank, comparing soccer to Candy Land is a bit unfair. Soccer will never reach that level. It’s not even up to Chutes ‘n Ladders. Receiving a bad call in a soccer “match” is somewhere on par with receiving an insult from the French. Besides, the earlier the US loses and get eliminated, the sooner they will be spared from fans blowing into transmission fluid funnels.
Soccer is played by actors, not athletes. I know this because if an opponent touches another player, that player falls down in total agony, near death. Within seconds (with or without a penalty call), they’re up and running again and just fine. Only actors can do that. Or wimps.
This may be connected, don’t know. There was a massive rally in front of the American consulate in South Africa this weekend demanding we give them more money for their AIDS problem. I thought was not a money problem, but a zipper problem. It would be worth looking into if soccer was worth the effort. but it’s not. Amercia needs to be best in gamee that matter, not wussy stuff.
The rest of the world calls it football not soccer. We already have football so we can’t do that. Instead I say we call it Gay Football.
@Storm: *More money*!? Ohmigosh. Let’s do my negotiating strategy of offering them less each time they ask. Malaria is the big killer down there, anyway, but who cares about pregnant women and children? (See Malaria Death Watch Counter)
A stolen victory in soccer is the very definition of petty theft.
Gay men would never wear soccer uniforms. They have better taste than that.
Really, Cilla? Have you never seen Perez Hilton?
Isn’t that cute. They have referees, just like real sports. Good for them.
I know calling it Gay Football is an insult to gays who (unlike soccer) are always trying to be interesting, but we stand alone on this soccer name. much like the metric system the rest of the world has united against us and unless we act proactively they will one day rename the NFL.
Slovenia. Sounds more polite than Runnovia.
Soccer is like womens beach volleyball, as a sport you have seen all you want after five minutes, but for some reason guys keep watching womens beach volleyball. Must be a patriotism thing or our innate love of sand.
“Isn’t that cute. They have referees, just like real sports. Good for them.”
Cool. Plus I hear they even use a ball! I have no idea what they use it for though. Clearly, it’s not for scoring…
Hey, no blowing up Slovenia. One of my favorite bands is from there.
(evacuate them first)