Obama has apparently said he won’t secure the border until amnesty has been agreed to. Similarly, he’s threatening to not stop the oil leak until we finish the cleanup. Basically, everything Obama does is asinine and just makes everything worse for everyone. Still, they’re always talking about a “Path to Citizenship”, so maybe we can come up with an appropriate one. To start out in America by disregarding its laws and coming here illegally is a grave crime, and it will take a lot for someone to redeem himself and be able to call himself “citizen”.
THE PATH TO CITIZENSHIP
“The path to citizenship takes one through the frozen slopes of Caradhras, the deep, dark pits of Moria, the orc and goblin infested plains of Mordor, the hippie infested streets of San Francisco, and finally to the heart of evil itself where death lurks in every shadow — Chicago. Finally, at the Gate of Citizenship stand the Jabberwocky — universal symbol of fascism — and it must be bested to proceed. Then any who survive will be granted citizenship and a free miniature American flag.”
So something like that.
To earn American citizenship, you must clean up 100,000 gallons of Deepwater Horizon oil from the gulf. – (Both problems solved!)
They should have to memorize something too. Maybe a Burger King jingle or something.
They must sing Okie from Muskogee with the proper twang.
How’s this for a “path to citizenship”?
1. Immigrate to America legally and naturalize.
2. ???
3. PROFIT!
They must be conservatives who are sharpshooters at the range and love Ann Coulter.
Then, they have to recite the Pledge of Allegiance for which they receive a box of Crackerjacks with a 1″ plastic toy GI Joe, give the toy to their child and have him expelled from school for violating school weapons policy thereby making said citizen hateful of liberals for life.
Red curtain of blood clouding vision….. Must type something funny… President will send armed ninjas to your home for a midnight visit if a any sort of form is filed out wrong, but rewards foreign trespassers with open arms with all sorts of freebees. Republicans respond with sending Obama another new pony.
@4 Cilla Mitchell,
Dang that means I no longer can be a citizen. With my eyes I can’t hit the broad side of a barn anymore at 700 or 800 yards. Maybe a 12 power scope at 100 yards…
lets face it, your president is a classless commie disgrace. He will do anything to undermine this country. This pos needs to be impeached and sentenced to life with rosie watching reruns of Bush 43’s speaches.
“and a free miniature American flag.”
You dang big spending doofusses. Frank, you finally let the mask slip. Just another big spender.
One simple question needs to be asked to every “applicant” requesting American citizenship: “Do you feel Americans should play soccer?”
Here is the solution.
The original immigrants had to endure treacherous seas for months just to come here. Jews had to escape Nazi death squads to come here. Texans had to defeat Santa Anna to become Americans. America had to fight a bloody Revolution, and a bloody Civil War to become a nation. The solid fact of all of these things is that being an American is about fighting for it and being brave. So here is my proposal…
Have anyone of you seen “Escape From New York”? We build a wall like that one, give the Border Patrol the same authority as the USPF had in that movie. If you can make it over that wall…then you have the fortitude and the fighting spirit to be one of us and you are automatically naturalized. The only people willing to escape from the Communists did similar things. Almost all of them have contributed greatly to the societies the went to. The Jews who escaped Europe formed the Israeli state. How many criminals do you think would want to take that on?
So we pull a reverse Berlin Wall to ensure that the people who come here are strong, intelligent, and lovers of freedom. Win for us.
@otcconan: That’s a fine plan. I only see one flaw. If Adrienne Barbeau is on the inside, I’d likely stay there.
otcconan…Great idea. Let Don Rumsfeld run it. Patrol it with rocket mounted dinosaurs. Nobody would get through.
Yup, you proved your eyesight problem with your numbering, PlentyOfBailouts! 😉
Frank’s path to citizenship sounds like The Trail of Tears, otcconan’s idea sounds more like The Hunger Games; let’s do both!
Is there any reason we cant use Survivor rules?
But instead of getting voted off, they actually have to survive 3 months on a deserted island.
Last one not eaten wins.
SURVIVOR: Path to Citizenship
I know i would watch that.
There is a major flaw in your plan. It is waaaay to easy.
Well, I can certainly understand his take on this. When one is an illegal alien themselves they can understand how hard it is to live in daily fear that one will be sent back to the fatherland. As far as the whole breaking of law thing goes, when one is willing to lie, cheat and steal in order to “serve ” the people I’m sure it is confusing dealing with people who expect everyone to obey all the laws, all the time.
This chief executive is in a singular position to understand the plight of the undocumented.
When one finds himself in deepest Moria confronted with Balrog Frank, remember that his weakest spot is around back.
Frank, I just wanted to ad (FTFWIWD) that your quoted “path” is awesome. It’s very Harvey-esque!
I say make it like the Thunderdome…Two illegal aliens enter…one citizen leaves.
I agree with Silrette, except they need to do that with either a mop or a hoe.
Maybe a citizenship lottery?
“You can’t win if you don’t play!”
One weekly drawing, and the lucky number holder gets a free 18 month course in basic citizenship and English language comprehension, which, if they pass, leads to naturalization.
At a dollar per ticket, we could make billions!