It’s finally Friday, the day we’ve been waiting for all week. And, it’s Friday night! So, if you’re not out partying, that’s okay, because it’s our own Friday Night Party. Or Open Thread. Same thing.
What’s on your mind? Got a joke to tell? Got a dirty secret to tell? It’s all good.
Who wants to start?
I liked Crabby’s “Impatient Cow” joke. I wish she had more like that.
Also:
Frank and Harvey (but I repeat myself) don’t offer open threads. So, thank you, Basil!!
Re: Syria
We’re only now finding out that Obamacare did not cover Alepposuction.
Star Wars was released twenty years ago today.
And all we have today is air traffic controllers telling TSA agents on the tarmac: “Han’s up, don’t shoot.”
Deportation orders are abbreviated as D.O.’s. So, to illegal immigrants, I say: “Vaya con D.O.’s”
A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are having drinks together in a pub.
“As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , The Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” says the Irishman. “Back home at a pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. “Did this actually happen to you?”
“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
*Pro-tip: Imagine the accents, and it’ll be funnier.
A few minutes later, the Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all order another Guinness to quench their thirsts. The bartender pours three pints and sets them in front of the lads at the same time. As they reach for their stouts, three flies swoop in and one splashes down in each glass.
The Englishman pushes his beer away and whinges, “Disgusting! I can’t drink that!’
The Irishman plucks the fly out of his drink, glances at the Englishman and snickers, “Ponce!”, and takes a long satisfying swig of his Guiness.
The Scotsman grabs the fly from his Guiness by both wings and declares while shaking the tiny insect, “Spit it out! Spit it out you bastard!”
Open thread…we can post anything!? Well here’s a little something from the seventies by the comedy group The Credibility Gap called Where’s Johnny? It’s a very good piece of satire and I hope the people who remember Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon, and Don Rickles will enjoy it… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0eD6tus0TM
One of my favorite comedy routines:
I like it… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thDbVKB2v7w&list=PL14A0178498E69917&index=4