Russian company claims it has put computer chips in cows’ brains to make them produce more milk
Not The Bee | June 19, 2026 | Harambe HarambeAlthough much of the technology remains speculative, the Russian company Neiry claims to have directly implanted neural devices in the brains of dairy cows…
The company said in its announcement that the cows that received the initial neurostimulation devices ‘remained conscious, felt well, experienced no discomfort, and have already returned to their normal production cycles on the farm.’ It did not detail how the devices were implanted, what research went into designing them or what animal welfare precautions were taken.
More interesting still is just how such a device would affect cows in the first place.
… Charmingly scrawl funny ads about eating more chicken…
Stampede on command…
Produce skim, low-fat, whole milk, and half-and-half from different teats…
Produce a Moscow Mule with some real kick…
How not to become a victim of cattle mutilation while standing in the middle of a field.
Come home at a decent hour.
Steal Knicks garbage cans, after dumping the trash onto the street. Oh wait, we’re talking a different cow.
Make cow-tipping a requirement – 25% is the minimum, comrade…