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Archive of entries posted on 3rd April 2017
It’s Not a Canadian Stereotype, It’s a Documentary
It’s bad enough Canadians are sending their wretched refuse like William Shatner, Justin Bieber, and Alex Trebek to wash up on our shores. Followed by exporting some vastly revolting ideas about health care.
But it could be worse.
We could have Canadian crime:
[A Canadian Mugging] (Viewer #633,410)
Please Let Buzz Aldrin Be the Poster Boy for This Mission
President Donald Trump signed legislation adding human exploration of Mars to NASA’s mission..
Let me guess… the bill had been vehemently opposed by Democrats fearing it’ll cause Martian warming?
Well, at Least He Didn’t Shove Them Out the Dalai Lama Door
Link of the Day: If Hillary Were a Bear, She’d Have Been Making a Charmin Commercial
[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]
Why was Komrade Klinton in the woods?
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
However, Beware of Banjo Music
New medical studies show that access to nature “reduces depression and obesity”.
Like when you’re being chased by a bear. Think of all the calories you burn, plus it’s hard to be sad when you’re running for your life. That’s more “mortal terror”.
North Korea Threatens War After Trump Calls Kim Jong Un a “Chubby, Asian, George McFly”
Trump: “I’m just surprised the crazy fat kid got the reference”
PYONGYANG (AP) – President Donald Trump may have inadvertently edged the planet one step closer to a nuclear apocalypse today, after he took to Twitter to insult North Korea’s ruler Kim Jong Un, who threatened to take the 140 character insult as an excuse to threaten to “unleash hell” on the United States in retaliation.
Tweeted Trump: “Kim Jong tries to launch missile. Kills fish instead. Bungler. Incompetent. Ridiculous haircut. Looks like chubby Asian George McFly #Ronery”
Un immediately responded with “Oh yeah? You look like Biff Turtle-Waxing George’s car, dead-squirrel-head #ImRubberYoureGlue”, although his retort received less than 10 likes, all from Twitter accounts that were named some anagram of Kim Jong Un like Junking Om and No Jug Mink.
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer criticized Trump for “unbalancing stability in the region” by being “unnecessarily provocative”.
“This is exactly the kind of thing Hitler did,” said Schumer. “In August of 1939, he kept sending telegrams about polacks changing light bulbs. Crude, short-form jibes have always been the favorite tool of facist oppressors like Trump and Hitler.”
Straight Line of the Day: Blue Origin Unveiled Its New Space Tourism Orbiter, Which Features…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Blue Origin unveiled its new space-tourism orbiter, which features…
Take Your Stinking Paws Off Me, You… Wait… You Don’t Have Any Paws…
Now in development, a drone that captures other drones by shooting a net at it.
I’ve got a feeling we may need to use one of those on an increasingly-senile Nancy Pelosi at some point.
Cartoon of the Day – Accomplice
As usual, there’s nothing really to add to one of Mr. Ramirez’s cartoons. While I have no problem with a church offering on-site sanctuary to, well, anyone for, well, anything (that’s a discussion for another time), the idea that a city can just declare that people breaking the law are safe from apprehension and prosecution is just plain wrong. And those that do that and contribute to the suffering of victims of those illegals do have blood on their hands.
Check your doors when you leave
Got an unusual text from my sister — the Mean One — the other night.
Mean Sister (8:54 PM):
Are you in town?
Me (8:54 PM):
Yes
Mean Sister (8:55 PM):
Can you come to my house with your gun. I just got back in town, and my front door is open.
Me (8:55 PM):
On the way
Mean Sister (8:55 PM):
Thank you.
That’s not a very common request from her … or from anybody, actually. At least, it’s not a request I get very often.
I threw some clothes on, grabbed the gun, got my sister on the phone, and rushed that way.
A room to room search determined no one was there … or had been there. The front door was locked, but wide open. The conclusion was that she had pulled the locked door to but didn’t properly close it, and that it has blown open.
She admitted that she never checks the door when she leaves because she “always keeps the door locked.” I tried not to be too much of a jackass, but I did suggest that she change her habits. And, just in case you have … well, sloppy, to be honest … habits regarding securing your residence, rethink things.
Always check your doors when you leave. Go to every door, and make sure they’re locked. Check your windows regularly. If you ever open them, check them before you leave or before you call it a night.
When you leave out a door and you pull it to, turn the knob to ensure it’s locked. Push on the door to ensure it’s latched. And, if you have a deadbolt, use it. Sure, it’s a pain to do every time you leave. And it takes anywhere from 2 – 6 seconds. Take that extra time. Please.
The problem isn’t that my sister didn’t do these things and get me out. It’s that she wasn’t being safe. I’m hoping she changes her habits. I want her to be safe.
You be safe too, okay?