I’m a fixing a-hole before the returns come in
And stops my candidate from winning
like it should go
I’m filling in the ballots before they go out the door
And keep my candidate’s lead widening
Like it should go
And it really doesn’t matter if
its wrong alright
Its in the bag tonight
Where it belongs
See the people voting there
Who disagree they’ll never win
And wonder why their votes don’t count for more.
I’m grabbing some cash in a roundabout way
And the Media won’t start wondering
Where did it all go
Ooh ooh ooh ah ah
Hey, hey, hey, hey
And it really doesn’t matter if
its wrong alright
Its in the bag tonight
Where it belongs
See the people voting there
Who disagree they’ll never win
And wonder why their votes don’t count for more.
I won’t be doing time for a number of things
That were important yesterday
To the Bernie Bros.
Ooh ooh ooh ah ah
I’m a fixing a-hole before the returns come in
And stops my candidate from winning
like it should go
I’m a fixing a-hole before the returns come in
And stops my candidate from winning
like it should go
Wednesday morning at five o’clock
As the polls are closed
Quietly closing the barroom door
Cursing the votes that she hoped to deplore;
She falls down stairs
With much b**ching
Clutching her campaign chief —
Suddenly glaring at Bill and Chelsea
Slipping outside, they are free.
She (What did she do to get schlonged?)
Is Losing (She didn’t know she’d get schlonged!)
Badly (She struggled hard all her life to get & buy)
I used to get mad at my schooling
Teachers that taught me “We’re cooling!!!”
Then suddenly found
They’ve turned it around
“The Fahrenheit’s up, we’re not fooling!”
I have to admit she’s getting bitter
(Although it’s better than doing time)
Yes, I admit she’s getting bitter
A little bitter — such useless crimes!
I’m fixing an election
when the returns come in
and stop by candidate from winning
like they ought to…
… or … “I’m a ‘fixing’ a-hole…” ?
yay! didn’t get moderated!
It works.
I’m a fixing a-hole before the returns come in
And stops my candidate from winning
like it should go
I’m filling in the ballots before they go out the door
And keep my candidate’s lead widening
Like it should go
And it really doesn’t matter if
its wrong alright
Its in the bag tonight
Where it belongs
See the people voting there
Who disagree they’ll never win
And wonder why their votes don’t count for more.
I’m grabbing some cash in a roundabout way
And the Media won’t start wondering
Where did it all go
Ooh ooh ooh ah ah
Hey, hey, hey, hey
And it really doesn’t matter if
its wrong alright
Its in the bag tonight
Where it belongs
See the people voting there
Who disagree they’ll never win
And wonder why their votes don’t count for more.
I won’t be doing time for a number of things
That were important yesterday
To the Bernie Bros.
Ooh ooh ooh ah ah
I’m a fixing a-hole before the returns come in
And stops my candidate from winning
like it should go
I’m a fixing a-hole before the returns come in
And stops my candidate from winning
like it should go
Now, that’s SNL-worthy funny right there — if they were interested in doing anything funny or anything anti-Clinton.
Which they’re not!
As it melds into the next song:
Wednesday morning at five o’clock
As the polls are closed
Quietly closing the barroom door
Cursing the votes that she hoped to deplore;
She falls down stairs
With much b**ching
Clutching her campaign chief —
Suddenly glaring at Bill and Chelsea
Slipping outside, they are free.
She (What did she do to get schlonged?)
Is Losing (She didn’t know she’d get schlonged!)
Badly (She struggled hard all her life to get & buy)
She’s Getting Bitter All the Time
I used to get mad at my schooling
Teachers that taught me “We’re cooling!!!”
Then suddenly found
They’ve turned it around
“The Fahrenheit’s up, we’re not fooling!”
I have to admit she’s getting bitter
(Although it’s better than doing time)
Yes, I admit she’s getting bitter
A little bitter — such useless crimes!
The DNC cries, “Debbie, our money’s gone!”