Straight Line of the Day: You Will Receive Hundreds of Election Robocalls Today. The Phrase You Will Hear Most Often…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

You will receive hundreds of election robocalls today. The phrase you will hear most often…

36 Comments

  1. There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical . . .

  2. Campaign Worker: Hi, can I count on your support for our candidate?

    Jerry: Oh, gee, I can’t talk right now. Why don’t you give me your cell phone number, and I’ll call you later to find out who you voted for in all the races, and what you thought on the ballot questions.

    Campaign Worker: Uh, I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to do that.

    Jerry: Oh, I guess you don’t want to discuss your political views with strangers on the phone.

    Campaign Worker: No.

    Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel. [hangs up]

  3. “Ah, crap, there’s no one answering at this number. [beeping sound]
    F***ing idiots. Can you imagine if Republicans win, though?
    There’s no way. There’s no f . . .
    What?
    Just put it down as ‘likely voter, voting Democratic.’ [puffs smoke]
    When does our editor need totes? OK. OK. Oh, did you . . . OK.
    What number’s next?”

  4. Hello, I’m from Nigeria, and if you push the Democrat switch in today’s election, I will kindly place $38 million into your bank account. After the tone, please clearly state your routing number and bank account number. Thank you for voting.

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