(To the Tune of the Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ USA”)

♫  ♫

If everybody had an OSHA
To test ’em every day
Then everybody’d be certain
For a moment, anyway . . .

♫ ♫

You’d catch them with their handfuls

Up at the checkout line

At an appropriate distance

And outside there’s a line:

♫

All over Manhattan

It’s done the Democrats’ way:

Everybody needs Certainty:

Certain USA

♫

Yeah, we’re planning out a coup:

We’re gonna make real soon

We’ve battened down our hatches

We can’t wait for June

♫

It should be gone by the summer

Unless it’s here to stay:

Everybody say “It’s Trump’s fault”

It’s certain all they’ll say.

♫

Haggard weekends in PJ’s

Specific rules imposed

Inappropiate funfests

Wide-open beaches closed

Alone, anhedonia

Mortality? No way

Everybody’s uncertain

Uncertain USA

♫ ♫

Everybody’s uncertain

Curtains, USA.

♫  ♫