Straight Line of the Day: If the Normandy invasion took place today…
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…We would hold peaceful protests first, then burn down France.
…Remember, men, stay six feet apart and don’t shake hands with the Krauts.
…grenades would be ineffective with the enforced social distancing (1.5 meters in Europe)
Democrats would be protesting the racist American and British forces for attacking the peaceful Nazis.
…Hey, good news. The Germans have declared France a gun free zone. This’ll be easy.
It would result in a bunch of broken windows and graffiti.
…the French would hate us. In other words, no difference.
MSNBC, NBC, ANC, CBS and CNN chryons would be keeping a tally of allied dead.
The headlines would read:
Massive Allied Invasion: Thousands Dead: Women And Minorities Hardest Hit.
… the nazis would have had 75 years to get ready for it – not good!
…American troops would think they had taken a wrong turn and ended up in Detroit.
…the invasion plans would have been printed in the New York Times yesterday.
The troops would all take a knee
If the Normandy invasion took place today…
France would surrender.
If the Normandy invasion took place today…
there would be rioting in the streets, oh, wait…
If the Normandy invasion took place today…
I would wonder what we would be liberating Europe from.
If the Normandy invasion took place today…
we’d still win.
Our troops would be arrested for importing three substances that are illegal in France:
Soap
Deodorant
Toothpaste
The beaches would be filled with kids screaming for help to find the respawn button
The automated drones on both sides would realize the futility and ask to play a nice game of chess instead.
…the bloodier war would decide who got to chair the impeachment hearings tomorrow.
…the French could establish a homeland of their own, somewhere in the Middle East, just not too close to Israel.
…there would be a lot more half-caf mocha lattes with extra cream littering the battlefield.
…Antifa would be the first to hit the beach, leading the attack!!
(if their moms let them)
Antifa, still angry over George Floyd’s death decided they would all riot between the assault ships and shore all the while attempting to loot and burn the navy ships with little success. Frustrated, Antifa then heads to shore to support the NAZIS who are aligned against their common enemy, the establishment of the US. After trying the German chow, the BLM group left to get some good eats back in da’ hoods.
The Pussy Hat Brigade, feeling left out, decided to lead a sit in on the beach and all died when they stepped on land mines, except one, who of course Blamed President Trump for the land mines being there.
The Obama created 69th Battalion Gender ambiguous DDDT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell) was chosen to lead the assault. They started out with a civil demonstration and fashion show on the beach while those crazy Germans (who have their own peccadilloes themselves) would all sit on the cliffs and cheer and whistle until nightfall when they would return to their bunkers and their pornography collection. The 69th, exhausted from their all day efforts would return to the ships and refuse to attack ever again saying, let those right wing fascist conservatives who want to beat Germans, do it themselves the next time.
Black Lives Matter, who want to destroy anything and everything that formerly slave owning white Americans have ever built protested in front of the landing craft but found out that stopping an LCI is a lot harder than blocking traffic on an interstate and besides, you have to swim if you do it on Omaha beach. Since their skill set is primarily basketball and looting they decided to go back to Chicago and NYC and continue protesting there.
All in all, more time was lost waiting for the discontent coalition to exhaust themselves than was spent getting ashore on the first day of the invasion. I would add, the Germans, wise to the internal strife we have here in the USA all sat back and let our recalcitrant aggrieved ‘minorities’ do all the fighting for them that first day.
The second day, even though they knew we were coming, the Invasion forces still took the beach and moved inland because freedom Trumps all…
… would be delayed at least 8 years while the environmental impact statement was completed.
…and then be struck down by the 9th Circus for not soliciting all 482 genders for doing the assessment.