Courtesy of FormerHostage:
Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
Two suggestions by FormerHostage:
He’s dating this really hot cheerleader. She goes to another school. You wouldn’t know her.
He knows how to lose weight with one easy trick.
…he nearly stood up to the Vicious Chicken of Bristol
…”I’m a Joker, I’m a Smoker, I’m a midnight Sniffer…or whatever Steve Miller said”.
…he really wowed them at Talladega.
“That fateful day when I was working at the school book depository….”
… he really polished up Corn Pop’s rusty straight razor…
… he personally recued hundreds during the sinking of the Titanic…
… he was a door-gunner on Briam William’s ill-fated helicopter…
Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
He is legitimately the President.
and go more votes than anyone else in history.
He DID get more votes than anyone else in history, but they were all fake
All the mail in ballots had Chinese stamps on them.
Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
“I am the King of France!”
Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
me and the Emu are the best of friends.
Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
he’s the very model of a modern major general.
. . . while in the Navy in the late 1970s, which he remembered as clearly as Obama remembered attending classes at Columbia University, he discovered an uncharted island in the Pacific where he personally rescued seven castaways, who were victims of tour boat climate change.
. . . last weekend while the country thought he was on his weekly vacation, he filled in all the potholes on Interstate 10. While on a roll, he then flew overseas to fill in the holes in the Albert Hall. He thought there were maybe two dozen holes, but forgot that they were counted by Dominion, so there were thousands.
… he is Martin Luther Duke, of Earl.
And if you don’t believe that, you ain’t black.
“I have a dram!”
…. at Lollapalooza, he saw Dead people.
He’s an ordained Pastafarian.
…. as God is his witness, he thought turkeys could fly.
… he hates when editors use the term “sik” (sic).
…he’s been through the desert on a horse with no name.
“So I look over at the Captain and said listen fat, you’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
…he thinks Auschwitz would be a good model for an Anti-Vaxxer Internment Camp.
. . . he doesn’t understand the references to champagne corks popping in Plains, Georgia, as he specifically told Carter, “Hold my beer.”
…The cake is a lie.
Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
he is 99% certain what the thing is.
…Jeff killed himself.
…”The KKK took my baby away”
. . . responding, “How would I know?” when Pilate asked, “What is truth?”
…”The brown acid at Woodstock wasn’t that bad.”
“My father was killed by a man with six fingers on his right hand.”
Prepare to die
“We have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics.”
Joe Biden claims he was arrested in a civil rights demonstration. Other claims Brandon made: …
…Kamala Harris the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
Other claims Brandon made: …
“Michelle looked over at me from the next urinal and….”
Oh wait, that did happen.
…I pantsed the team from Camp Mohawk at the annual basketball game between them and Camp Northstar.
I really wowed ’em at the dance later that night!
The Stones, man, like they totally plagiarized my first campaign speech and called it Sympathy For The Devil. Anyways, I was naked and getting out of the shower at Auschwitz with John and Paul when I shouted Hey, Jews, don’t be afraid when I tripped over Ringo and broke my foot.
…he used to wear an onion on his belt, because it was the style at the time.
“I have a mountain of evidence against Hillary Clinton! Hey, who put that in my teleprompter? Kamala, what’s so funny? End of message. Literally!”
He has land east of Cape May for a rock bottom price.
His liver pills will cure palsey, enlarged heart and any other vaccine related side effect.
He has not now, nor ever been a domestic enemy………… after 40 years at the government teat.
He does not have ……………… what’s it called ……………………….. that thing …………………… huh? ………….oh right dementia (they whispered it in my ear thing).