Woman Touches Donuts, Punches Deputy at Naples Dunkin Donuts NBC 2 News | August 1, 2022
NAPLES, Fla. – A Naples woman has been arrested after causing a scene and striking a deputy at a Naples bakery.
[She] was reported to have entered the bakery and began touching the donuts on display and pushed the supervisor. She also accosted and touched an employee’s motorcycle, according to the report.
Straight Line of the Day: First-World crime statistics: Touching donuts and accosting motorcycles could lead to…
“Mercy sir, what happened here? Everything is such a mess. Well, more messy than your normal mess.”
“I was raided by the FBI yesterday.”
“That’s what it was. I was wondering why there were all those people running around with guns yesterday. That’s why I came armed today.”
“Good preparation. I think this is mostly over.”
“What did they want?
“Hard to tell. They said they had a warrant but wouldn’t show it to me. They said it was in a locked filing cabinet in their Fairbanks, Alaska office which is easily accessible on odd numbered Fridays on months ending in “Y” from 1:00 to 1:20 pm.”
“Hardly seems fair.”
“Our government at its best.”
“What did they take?”
“Aside from my last Diet Dr. Pepper and half a ham sandwich I was saving for lunch today nothing as far as I can tell. Luckily had all my files labeled like “Epstein’s client list” and “Hunter’s Laptop” so they just left most things. They did throw around all my Caption This! photos and Babesleaga results.”
“What b#st#rds. Well I do have the memes from yesterday. Shall we put them up?
“Might as well while we are still permitted. Who knows what they powers that be will allow you to do in the future.”
