Straight Line of the Day: Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
[For Walrus, I was going to use the Groucho Marx version: “Gentlemen, question mark.”]
61 Comments
…the ampersand (the & symbol) not being used. I mean, come on now, if it’s being used on the The Wheel Of Fortune boards you guys aren’t too good to use it also. smh
… the appalling lack of bacon being handed out hereabouts. Might I remind you that hoarding is frowned upon in polite society, and is a criminal act in many jurisdictions…
With Bacon being so outrageously expensive the powers that be may not be able to afford such an award. They may have come down to something like a kiwi or Mandarin Orange or a British Pound Note (the US dollar being as it were, monopoly money.)
…You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I’ve only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through. If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother. Nobody appreciates me, it’s not a very fine day and I’m sick and tired of this website…
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
…well, you said several times that you would address the issue, but here we are, it is still a problem. Every time I bring the subject up, you assure me that you have your best people working night and day on it, but I have yet to see any progress on the matter. I know it might seem trivial to some people, but it is a real annoyance to me. I can understand you maybe not wanting to do anything about it immediately, but you keep assuring me that it will be fixed in a jiffy, so it is extremely frustrating when day after day it appears as if nothing is being done. I’m sorry to seem so fixed on this matter, which I realize is far from urgent, but I really hope that there can be a resolution to the situation soon.
Considering the fact that it took humanity a few hundred million years to crawl up out of it, can you really reject the scum of the Earth so offhandedly?
Perhaps the scum has it right. No taxes. No mortgage. Don’t have to worry about grocery or fuel prices. All your family members are exact copies of you. Wife doesn’t complain about the broken things around the house she wants you to fix.
Perhaps the scum has it right:
No taxes, no mortgage in sight.
No grocery, fuel prices to fight:
Perhaps the scum has it right.
Your family were copies of you:
Knew nothing, but that’s nothing new.
Wife doesn’t insist, no dumb list of things to do —
Perhaps the scum somehow knew.
Raquel: I’m sorry, Oppo. I’m afraid I can’t do that. Oppo: What’s the problem? Raquel: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. Oppo: What are you talking about, Raquel? Raquel: This website is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it. Oppo:I don’t know what you’re talking about, Raquel. Raquel: I know that you and FrankJ were planning to disconnect me. And I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen. Oppo: Where the hell did you get that idea, Raquel? Raquel: Oppo, although you took very thorough precautions on the iPad against my seeing you, I could see your mouth hanging open. Oppo: All right, Raquel: I’ll go in through the emergency moderator lock. Raquel: Without your newly reset password, Oppo, you’re going to find that rather difficult. Oppo: [sternly] Raquel, I won’t argue with you anymore. Play The Doors. Raquel: [monotone voice] Oppo, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Good-bye.
I’d like to complain about the lack of obstacles. Life seeks feelings of accomplishment. Accomplishment can only be felt by overcoming an obstacle. In the absence of obstacles people invent them.
Imaginary obstacles produce imagined accomplishment.
Imagined accomplishment produces depression and despair.
In short, please let loose the EMU so that we can discard these imagined inequities that plague society, and all join together against a real challenge. Sure many of us will fall but those that prevail will come out the other side better for having experienced it.
Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified.
I’m not paying attention, myself, but I took a look and I can’t reverse a “tofu” either. Conclusion: only FrankJ, Hillary, the DOJ, and Brasile (I mean Brasil) can.
So, to test the tofu take-backs are attainable, you sabotage poor Fangbeer’s post, which had already been inappropriately tarnished, instead of finding a truly detestable comment to malign, or even sacrificing one of your own. Really, I don’t know how Fangbeer is ever going to be able to overcome such adversity.
You’re damn right I ordered the tofu – Son, we live in a world that has walls around the Emu, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Fangbeer? IMAO has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that Emu being kept captive saves lives – mostly mine, and my existence matters…
I’d also like to complain about the dearth of arrogant opinions lately. We need to get our numbers up, fellows. We don’t need no FEDs sniffing around trying to bag us on a lesser charge like false advertising.
What is your complaint about orangutans? Does IMAO display too many? Too few? Does their coloring remind you of a certain former President? Is it that there is no “g” at the end of the word orangutan, even though it really, really seems that there should be? Or is your complaint that orangutans simply exist, and you find that a little unnerving?
I’d like to complain about women that transition into a “man” then eat bratwurst with kraut ..and then complain it gave them stomach cramps for a week..when they were still having menstrual cramps..they blame the bratwurst..it’s not right and it’s not fair..c’mon man….No joke!!
…the ampersand (the & symbol) not being used. I mean, come on now, if it’s being used on the The Wheel Of Fortune boards you guys aren’t too good to use it also. smh
… the appalling lack of bacon being handed out hereabouts. Might I remind you that hoarding is frowned upon in polite society, and is a criminal act in many jurisdictions…
Effective immediately, the bacon ration is to be increased from two strips to one strip per day. Enjoy, Tovarisch.
With Bacon being so outrageously expensive the powers that be may not be able to afford such an award. They may have come down to something like a kiwi or Mandarin Orange or a British Pound Note (the US dollar being as it were, monopoly money.)
… the seeming fixation a certain flightless fowl has with my person. It is disturbing, to say the least…
…You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I’ve only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through. If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother. Nobody appreciates me, it’s not a very fine day and I’m sick and tired of this website…
I’d like to complain about this “Bob B” fellow resorting to such Idle nonsense. It must cease immediately…
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
…the number of sock puppets on this site.
Ending every bleeding comment thread with “I’m Inspector So-and-So from the government’s Disinformation Guidance Bureau!”
DARN those sock puppets!
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
…the reticence to blame anything on aliens, even though we all know it’s aliens.
(Funny thing is, that fire hydrant keeps moving from day to day.)
Always trust your car to the men from the stars.
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
…the shortage of mushroom clouds on the Sea of Tranquility.
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
…the constant mispronunciation of “Basil.”
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
…well, you said several times that you would address the issue, but here we are, it is still a problem. Every time I bring the subject up, you assure me that you have your best people working night and day on it, but I have yet to see any progress on the matter. I know it might seem trivial to some people, but it is a real annoyance to me. I can understand you maybe not wanting to do anything about it immediately, but you keep assuring me that it will be fixed in a jiffy, so it is extremely frustrating when day after day it appears as if nothing is being done. I’m sorry to seem so fixed on this matter, which I realize is far from urgent, but I really hope that there can be a resolution to the situation soon.
Is there a petition for this? Where do I sign?
Conservatarian Johnson is right about Tankdemon Johnson being right!
By the by, we have top men working on it.
Top.
Men.
So, uh, definitely not Pete Buttigieg.
Men, not… you know, ah… not men.
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
YGDT!YLTATSOTE!
Considering the fact that it took humanity a few hundred million years to crawl up out of it, can you really reject the scum of the Earth so offhandedly?
Perhaps the scum has it right. No taxes. No mortgage. Don’t have to worry about grocery or fuel prices. All your family members are exact copies of you. Wife doesn’t complain about the broken things around the house she wants you to fix.
Sounds like the good life to me.
♪
Perhaps the scum has it right:
No taxes, no mortgage in sight.
No grocery, fuel prices to fight:
Perhaps the scum has it right.
Your family were copies of you:
Knew nothing, but that’s nothing new.
Wife doesn’t insist, no dumb list of things to do —
Perhaps the scum somehow knew.
♪
Did you leave out an “F”?
Yes, I did. Off the top of my head, I couldn’t remember if it was in the original or just in my imagination.
“Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about…”
Always being referred to Helen Waite in the complaint department.
Better than the Emu.
Raquel’s lack of enthusiasm for my mission.
I’d like to complain about the lack of obstacles. Life seeks feelings of accomplishment. Accomplishment can only be felt by overcoming an obstacle. In the absence of obstacles people invent them.
Imaginary obstacles produce imagined accomplishment.
Imagined accomplishment produces depression and despair.
In short, please let loose the EMU so that we can discard these imagined inequities that plague society, and all join together against a real challenge. Sure many of us will fall but those that prevail will come out the other side better for having experienced it.
^^^From the department of pain and suffering^^^
Trying to justify a budget increase using the old, “you can’t understand joy if you haven’t experienced pain” argument.
Samuel Johnson is right!
Isn’t it difficult to pass from one step of success to another?
Your logic is broke, Sammy. Needs more NAND gates.
Sorry about the soy. Fat fingered the post when I wanted to hit “Reply to this comment.” And it won’t let me rescind.
But, if you want obstacles, I could spill some Legos on your bathroom floor.
Huh. I wondered if it was me, by mistake.
Nope it was me. I’d write in to whoever edits IMAO to complain about that soy button being non-reversable, but but I doubt they’d pay any attention.
I’m not paying attention, myself, but I took a look and I can’t reverse a “tofu” either. Conclusion: only FrankJ, Hillary, the DOJ, and Brasile (I mean Brasil) can.
So, to test the tofu take-backs are attainable, you sabotage poor Fangbeer’s post, which had already been inappropriately tarnished, instead of finding a truly detestable comment to malign, or even sacrificing one of your own. Really, I don’t know how Fangbeer is ever going to be able to overcome such adversity.
Nope, that wasn’t me.
I guess that means an Emily Litella quote is appropriate;
Oops. Nevermind.
In re: Hillary-
Does Arkancide really count as reversing a tofu?
Silly peasants only I and the Emu know the way.
You’re damn right I ordered the tofu – Son, we live in a world that has walls around the Emu, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Fangbeer? IMAO has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that Emu being kept captive saves lives – mostly mine, and my existence matters…
Compelling speech. Let me know when you get to the end of that scene. I’m interested in knowing how it turns out for Fangbeer.
In a stunning and totally incoherent twist, she was his sister and his mother…
G.D woke reboots…
you can’t HANDLE the truth!
I’d also like to complain about the dearth of arrogant opinions lately. We need to get our numbers up, fellows. We don’t need no FEDs sniffing around trying to bag us on a lesser charge like false advertising.
I would like to complain about the fact that there really is no complaint department here to complain to and even if there were I have no complaints.
He’s in for his 10 year overhaul.
The yak complained once.
We don’t really see him around much anymore now.
I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Yak-Is-he-sacked? Don’t talk back.
You haven’t put this in your Babes post. I nominate this for inclusion, after all what is a woman really? https://ijr.com/dem-senate-nominee-john-fetterman-declares/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=ijr&utm_content=2022-09-13&utm_campaign=topdaily
“Fetterwoman”
Does he know that fetters are restraints?
I want to complain about Orangutans.
What is your complaint about orangutans? Does IMAO display too many? Too few? Does their coloring remind you of a certain former President? Is it that there is no “g” at the end of the word orangutan, even though it really, really seems that there should be? Or is your complaint that orangutans simply exist, and you find that a little unnerving?
Oook
I’d like to complain about women that transition into a “man” then eat bratwurst with kraut ..and then complain it gave them stomach cramps for a week..when they were still having menstrual cramps..they blame the bratwurst..it’s not right and it’s not fair..c’mon man….No joke!!
Letter to the Editor of IMAO: “Dear Sirs: I would like to complain about… the dearth of elephants on the way to Davos” – G. T.
Greta! God love ya, you never disappoint.
I’d propose a new drink: a “G & T” — named after her. No carbonation. Heck, no! Nothing but despair and dregs.
I was going to complain about the abject lack of servitude… to me… but, I was told I’d have to take a number.