One day, America will be awesome enough to have Fred Thompson as president. Until then, we must prove ourselves worthy by punching more hippies.

When the going get tough, Fred Thompson knocks the going down and makes it his bitch.

If you’re dumb enough to not vote for Fred Thompson, Fred Thompson doesn’t want your moronic vote.

The NEA refuses to endorse Fred Thompson in part because he keeps bragging about his gun that’s so powerful “it shoots through schools.”

Not voting for Fred Thompson can cause your penis to fall off.

New Fred Thompson slogan: “Come with me if you want to live.”

Fred Thompson finds he can get more oil from Saudis if he shakes them very hard.

Fred Thompson is the next American Idol.

Fred Thompson thought amnesty for illegal immigrants meant that if they leave now, he’ll forget it ever happened. He’s against amnesty.

An awesome way to start your day from John Hawkins:

Terminators from the future travel even farther into the future to get that much more distance between them and Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson knows exactly what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

When Fred Thompson grants clemency, that just means he kills you quickly.

Fred Thompson doesn’t have “fire in his belly.” He has a supernova.

Fred Thompson doesn’t decide who lives and who dies; he just makes it so.