Only one percent of New Hampshirites slept soundly last night.

Some people are homeless because of their financial situation, others are homeless because of substance abuse, while still others are homeless because they looked at Fred Thompson funny and he destroyed their home.

Who would win in a fight between John Wayne and Chuck Norris? Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson can always easily identify pod-people, Cylons, Skrulls, users of a polyjuice potion, replicants, people who are actually the Thing, and RINOs.

Death lives in fear of Fred Thompson.

Like most Americans, Fred Thompson has no plans to ever set foot in Iowa ever again.

Fred Thompson will not only beat expectations, he will kick and stomp expectations before running over its neck with his truck.

The Klingon word for “awesome” is “Fred Thompson.”

If Fred Thompson is an auld acquaintance, there is no chance of forgetting him.

If you watch this and decide not to vote for Fred Thompson, you can legally be committed.

Hell plans to add a brand new tenth circle specifically for those who don’t vote for Fred Thompson.

If you try to fast forward past a Fred Thompson campaign commercial, your Tivo will erase all your favorite programs.

There was a legend of the Old West of a gunfighter who could outdraw and outshoot any man and would ride from town to town dispensing justice. He was known as “The Man with No Name (Other Than Fred Thompson).”

Fred Thompson isn’t some hippie that worries about his “carbon footprint.” He has twenty-five gas-guzzling cars that can combine in groups of five to form five giant gas-guzzling robots that can all combine to form one even bigger, even more gas-guzzling robot which then transforms into a car which Fred Thompson drives to the corner store to pick up a quart of milk.

While Romney has been stuffing mailboxes in Iowa with negative facts about Huckabee, Fred Thompson stuffed into a mailbox the most negative thing about Huckabee: Huckabee himself.