If a child is naughty, Santa leaves him a lump of coal in his stocking. If Santa is naughty, Fred Thompson beats him with a shovel.

Fred Thompson will be spending Christmas Eve this year the same as he traditionally does: Managing a crisis at Washington Dulles International Airport.
(research help from Jim Geraghty)

Fred Thompson is a fantastic breakdancer.

Fred Thompson remembers not seeing Mitt Romney’s father march with Martin Luther King.

If Fred Thompson used but a fraction of his energy on the campaign trail, he would destroy the Eastern seaboard.

Every single blog has endorsed Fred Thompson that isn’t secretly run by Communists.

Fred Thompson used to be quite the ladies man before he married Jeri. In fact, there’s a fifty percent chance he’s your real father.

From John Hawkins:

Now if only that could get air time in Iowa.

The snowman Fred Thompson made last winter defeated Godzilla.

When Fred Thompson says, “Have a merry Christmas,” that’s not a meaningless platitude — it’s a command — so you better have a Christmas so merry blood is shooting out your eyes because Fred Thompson is coming to town.

On Christmas Eve, Fred Thompson leaves milk and cookies out. Santa dares not touch them, because he knows how much Fred Thompson loves his milk and cookies early on Christmas morning.

God created man in His image. Fred Thompson was the first copy, and they all sorta degraded after that.

Fred Thompson can fly if he wants to. Even gravity won’t dare touch him without permission.

When Fred Thompson leaves his house, he doesn’t lock his door. Criminals lock their doors.