Do you have a problem with Islamic radicals like this one?

Everything seems to fill them with murderous rage! What can you do? Give up on freedom of speech and hope that will keep them from violent rampages? But even that doesn’t always work.

But what if I told you there is a solution that removes all potential rage from a crazed Islamic radical and it works in seconds? Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? But it’s for real! I bring you the DeRager™:

How does it work? Simply apply the DeRager™ directly to the forehead of Islamic radical. I’ll have my lovely assistant show you how:

And that’s it! Now try exposing that same Islamic radical to any material you want — blasphemous or benign:

That’s right! No more murderous rage!

So stop worry about how the speech you or other use may incite violence; just apply the DeRager™ today!

The DeRager™: The only guaranteed way to ensure that Islamic radicals don’t react in murderous rage.

(from the makers of ClueBat™)

The Ron Paul candidacy in ’08 was really good to IMAO for the purposes of humor, so I thought I should give his entering the race more fanfare. What better way, I thought, than to draw a picture of him? Well, there are probably lots of better ways, but I drew a picture anyway:

Can’t really disagree with anything he says.

That got me thinking I could draw all the other GOP presidential candidates. That could take time, though, and I’ve never been clear who is officially running or not. Still, I thought I’d draw one of my favorites candidates from those who (I think) declared their intentions to run: Tim Pawlenty!

Continue reading ‘Drawing the Presidential Candidates: Ron Paul and Tim Pawlenty’ »

So here’s what Biden said yesterday:

“The president and I, we’re focused on literally — it sounds like a trite phrase — but literally winning the future.”

Literally winning the future, people. I mean, he said it twice. And since it’s a literal thing he’s doing, I figured I should be able to draw a picture of it. So here’s my drawing of what literally winning the future looks like:

Continue reading ‘Literally Winning the Future’ »

Hugo Chavez said that maybe capitalism destroyed civilization on Mars. This is an interesting science fiction premise, so I decided to render some drawings of what that might look like:

Continue reading ‘The End of Life on Mars’ »

So it’s pretty controversial that we’re intervening in Libya. Qdaffy is a crazed dictator killing his own people, but does that mean we should intervene in any country with a dictator?

I say yes.

As the defenders of freedom, I don’t know why we haven’t long ago made it official American policy that if you’re a dictator, we will murder you. I used my iPad to make an illustration of this policy idea.

If you govern without the consent of the govern, then America is actively plotting your death. Maybe we won’t kill you today, maybe we won’t kill you tomorrow, but we’ll probably kill you Thursday. In the least, if you’re a dictator, know that in the Pentagon we’re working on plans to make you dead. They can even declassify plans as they don’t use them.

“Here’s our plans to make Kim Jong Il swallow a bomb and explode him from the inside, including a CGI simulation of what we think that would look like. We really think it would discredit his rule if he were exploded. And here is a drawing of him being eaten by a t-rex. Unfortunately, that one never got past the cool drawing stage.”

What would be the objections to this? That big powerful America is picking on smaller countries? You can’t pick on dictators; that’s like saying our police forces are picking on thugs and murderers. Dictators are freebies; we can kill all we want, and it’s morally okay. We’re a big powerful country — way more powerful than the dictators out there — so why shouldn’t we do what’s right and awesome? What’s really wrong is for dictators to be out there murdering and generally pushing people around and for them to have it in their head that no one is plotting to kill them. That’s why America needs to announce loud and clear, “If you’re a dictator, we’re after you. And look at this new sniper bullet we made. It enters your head then explodes. That’s right, our snipers are going to explode your head. So either have fair and free elections, or stay away from windows if you don’t want to explode your head over everything.”

Okay; so I’m a neocon. That’s way better than being someone who doesn’t want dictators’ heads exploded.

Continue reading ‘Frank J. and SarahK in “Extremist Protest”’ »

To be continued…

khart208 has received his Super Happy Fun IMAO Prize Package Number One that celebrated five years of IMAO. Here’s what he had to say:

I’d like to let everyone know that I just received my Super Happy Fun IMAO Prize Package [Number One] a couple of days ago. It was like Christmas, Easter, the Fourth of July and Labor Day all rolled into one! Except for the tree with ornaments, and colored eggs, and fireworks, and labor. I was so excited that I didn’t even think to admonish my girlfriend when she asked “Who’s this Frank guy, anyway? This isn’t, like, drugs or something super bad, is it?” I grabbed that box and scuttled to my office. I haven’t left since.
I’ve watched “Die Hard” at least five times now, and every time it’s better, because I know that FrankJ and SarahK’s eyes have seen the exact same movie! I haven’t changed out of my IMAO shirt in days. “The Chronicles of Dubya”, so kindly and thoughtfully inscribed by both FrankJ and SarahK, hasn’t been out of my hands. Their words of wisdom are so profound… I’m going to memorize this book like terrorists memorize the Koran. And their special, mystery gift… well, I’m not going to spoil that, but suffice it to say it’s something that I’ll hold near and dear as a family heirloom, at least until the next time I have any unsightly rough spots on the fence or splinters to take care of.
As for the Hate-Filled Liberal cartoon… I know that posting for all to see will diminish its tremendous monetary value. However, I am willing to sacrifice some of the resale profits to provide a public service. If only someone could tell me how to post the scanned image…

I had the foresight to scan the comic before mailing it, so here is khart208’s comic printed with his permission:

That was fun! Since I still have some irregular copies of Chronicles of Dubya lying around (bent or off-center covers), maybe I can give them away in some future contests. If you want a normal copy, you can buy it from Amazon or some other online retailer.

Our military is very good at what it does: killing foreigners and breaking their stuff. Still, America isn’t feared enough abroad because of all the whiners and second-guessers at home (we call them Democrats). To make up for this will take extreme measures. Thus it’s time for the weapon our generals have been dreaming about since the Civil War: Dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them.

We need to put all our money into researching how to resurrect dinosaurs and then put rocket launchers on them. When our pathetic little enemies see dinosaurs coming at them launching rockets, they are going to give up. “How can we expect to succeed over dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them?” they’ll exclaim. “We must surrender now and hope the Americans will let us worship their obviously superior god.”
I would expect all terrorism to end within a month of us first deploying dinosaurs with rocket launchers making this an investment well worth the money. Some may worry that we will have trouble controlling dinosaurs with rocket launchers, but I think they will listen to us as long as we are nice to them and talk to them in soothing voices saying, “Good dino. Good.” All dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them want is love.

There seems to be a problem with Muslims in the Middle East. Many are not happy. Some are even angry. They have their religion of Islam and try to follow it best they can, but things do not seem to be working out for them. Know why?
Oil.
Crude oil is not in the Qur’an, yet it dictates much of Muslim life. It causes Westerners who care not for their religion to come to their region and bug them. It also funds decadent Saudi princes who drink and spend money on lavish excesses — things that are not very Muslimy. If Muslims want to get back to their roots, they need to get rid of all that oil which has nothing to do with their great religion. As a kind country who likes helping others, America should offer to take all the oil so it no longer plagues them.
The problem is that Muslims may have gotten so used to having non-Islamic black crude that they may not want to give up the oil even though doing so will allow them to focus on being Muslimy and happy. The call of Satan’s black blood is too great for them to surrender it willingly. As friends of Muslims and all humanity, America may have to come and take all their oil for their own good.
So, to help Muslims in the Middle East, we’ll need devices that can quickly steal all their oil. My first idea for that is some sort of flying ship:

It will fly over oil-rich fields and suck out all the oil and then fly away, leaving those areas to Muslim purity.
I also came up with an idea for a ground-based approach:

I got this idea from a Stephen Spielberg movie.
However we take their oil, we can expect this as the result:

Artist’s depiction of Muslims free from the oil that plagues them.
With no more oil, they’ll no longer have to be worried about being bothered by Westerners and can focus exclusively on being extra Muslimy.
If Americans truly care about their fellow man, it’s high time they demand we steal all the oil in the Middle East.
FULL DISCLOSURE: Frank J. is a paid consultant of Halliburton and has no morals whatsoever.