It’s Time to Move Our Military into the 21st Century with Dinosaurs with Rocket Launchers on Them

Our military is very good at what it does: killing foreigners and breaking their stuff. Still, America isn’t feared enough abroad because of all the whiners and second-guessers at home (we call them Democrats). To make up for this will take extreme measures. Thus it’s time for the weapon our generals have been dreaming about since the Civil War: Dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them.


We need to put all our money into researching how to resurrect dinosaurs and then put rocket launchers on them. When our pathetic little enemies see dinosaurs coming at them launching rockets, they are going to give up. “How can we expect to succeed over dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them?” they’ll exclaim. “We must surrender now and hope the Americans will let us worship their obviously superior god.”
I would expect all terrorism to end within a month of us first deploying dinosaurs with rocket launchers making this an investment well worth the money. Some may worry that we will have trouble controlling dinosaurs with rocket launchers, but I think they will listen to us as long as we are nice to them and talk to them in soothing voices saying, “Good dino. Good.” All dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them want is love.

25 Comments

  1. I think the only thing that would make this better is cyborg dinosaurs.
    Perhaps those scrawny arms can have machine guns in them. Sure, the dinosaur might just spray bullets randomly since it doesn’t have much control, but that would only make our enemies fear us more!

  2. You know, I once had an idea for a story where dinosaurs were from the future. They were bird/reptile hybrids designed for military use. The story ends with the dinos being shipped back in time to the far distant past.

  3. The Air Force will surely love Pterodactyls with mini-guns and smart bombs!
    #9 – Posted by: Devil_Dog on August 24, 2007 12:04 PM

    Yeah, and given how wussy the Air Farce is, they’d call it: PMS

  4. Yeah, and given how wussy the Air Farce is, they’d call it: PMS
    HEY!! Tell John Levitow how wussy he is! I totally respect you FH, but don’t pick on us airmen; we keep your computers running!
    As for the using the dinosaur as a weapon, I hear Nancy Pelosi called; she wants her offspring back.

  5. I think Frank J has been watching a bit too much Boomerang, not that there is anything wrong with that. Superfriends ROCK!! On the other hand, my 5 year old thinks this is a very cool idea and “out of the mouths of babes”…..

  6. Did anyone ever play Nanosaur?? It was a game that came with old iMac computers…but it totally rocked. You were a raptor sent back in time to save dinosaur eggs before the big meteor hit…and you actually had a jetpack and guns etc. Freaking awesome. Man, I miss that game..

  7. Come on Frank – tell the truth — you drew that gun & are blaming it on that kid, aren’t you??
    Luckily for all of us, (the readers here, that is – nearly everyone else in America speaks Mexican) that like all of our enemies, they don’t speak AMERICAN so they won’t know that the dinosaur is equipped with rocket launcers instead of launchers, but maybe we can make believe it’s a new-fangled contraption that our forefathers could have only imagined…..
    Maybe I need to take something for this damned insomnia then I could leave Frank’s incredible weapon of mass destruction (but lousy spelling) alone!
    And don’t get me started on the Air Force shimauma….any branch of the military that pays more for uniforms that would make Edwards proud and Junior Enlisted housing that makes my FIL’s (a 2-Star) quarters look like a hovel oughtta be keeping something up & running!! =0)
    Yeah, yeah, sleeping pills…..

  8. How to control these wonderful creations? As a concurrent research project you could mass-clone John Edwards. They would be sooooo soft and fluffy going down they would be irresistible! Control the food-control the dinosaur.
    As a viable alternative, you simply unleash Fred Thompson on them.

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