Keith Olbermann Extra Special Comment

All the wisdom of Keith Olbermann condensed into one short video. Probably the most childish thing I’ve ever made (which is saying a lot), but try and watch it and not laugh. Also, I still think it’s accurate.

Ronin Profiles: GEBIV

GEBIV

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s GEBIV.


What’s the story behind your name? It’s my initials… plus my number. I’m the 4th GEB.
Where do you live? Just outside of Buffalo, NY. And no. It doesn’t snow here year-round.
How old are you? 33. But I’ll be turning 35 about 2 weeks before the next Presidential election. If Fred Thompson doesn’t throw his hat in the ring, I’ll give some serious thought to running, myself.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m not tall. I’m single. (Coincidence?)
When people compliment me for this hilarious things Harvey wrote, is okay I take credit? I’d be careful about that. I’m pretty sure he knows where you live, and has a working understanding of radioactive materials.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Long time. I think, since about when the whole Puppy Blender thing started.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Hard to pick a real favorite, although some of the “In My World” episodes have made me laugh so hard I saw spots.
What’s you favorite political issue? Global Warming. And it really is political, more than scientific.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I’ve had There’s One, Only! for a while. It used to have lots of humorous stuff about politics and Evil Glenn, back when I was posting stuff for The Alliance roundups. But lately, it’s been mostly rants.
If you could ask one questions at a Republican presidential debate, what would it be? “Are you going to stand up to Congress and the MSM, and represent Conservative ideals after you’re elected, or are you going to stab us in the back like a RINO?” -or- “Boxer’s or briefs?” It’s a toss-up.


If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards once caused an entire Gay Pride Parade to stop in its tracks because everyone had to pause to silence the “pegged high” alarms on their gaydars when they went by him.
Bonus Fact from WSMS (lifted from the comments to this post because it tickled me so, and I wanted to share):
John Edwards is so delicate he has his wife crush up his Midol and feed it to him with a speculum.
Two Bonus Facts from Silicon Valley Jim:
The only person who lifts the toilet seat at John Edwards’s house is the maid.
John Edwards is really disappointed that there won’t be an official Halloween party in San Francisco’s Castro District this year, because it means he’ll have to think up another excuse to hang out there.

High Praise

Readers were given a challenge to write a slogan to sell defeat to the American public, with the best one to win…
HIGH PRAISE!
Here are the runners up who win mere praise:
“You Can’t Spell Loser Without ER, Which Is A Darn Good Show.”
by G Fresh.
“Defeat: When you roll the news footage backward, it looks like we’re winning.”
by DesertElephant.
“I was going to write a slogan for defeat, but I gave up.”
by hwy93.
And the winner of high praise is…

Continue reading ‘High Praise’ »

Let’s Rewrite a Kos Diary: Lies

I was bored, so I went to Daily Kos to see what wisdom its recommended diaries could give me today. I found a fun one, though I’m not sure what its about as I only read the one part in bold:

Whatever truth remains, comes from places like Daily Kos–and Paul Krugman.
The war in Iraq is a lie. For-profit healthcare is a lie. Housing prices are a lie. American exceptionism[sic] is a lie.

This got me thinking: Where else is truth? What else are lies?
Time for a rewrite!

Whatever truth remains, comes from places like Hot or Not–and that lawn gnome in the Travelocity commercials.
Dancing with the Stars is a lie. McDonald’s Value Menu is a lie. Tough acting Tinactin is a lie. American fantabulism is a lie. Potash is a lye. Secale cereale is a rye. Rhubarb is a pie. Onions make me cry.
Why ask why? Try Bud dry!

What else are lies? Put your own rewrite in the comments. Best one wins…
…wait for it…

Continue reading ‘Let’s Rewrite a Kos Diary: Lies’ »

You Kids Today Don’t Know Nothin’ ‘Bout Scarin’ Minorities!
An Editorial by Harvey

Last Monday, two punk kids threw a plastic soda bottle containing pool cleaner and tinfoil at “Flying Imam” Didmar Faja outside a mosque in Phoenix, Arizona.
And they missed him by 25 feet.
TWENTY FIVE FEET!
What the hell’s the matter with kids these days? Why, back in my day, when folks threw bottles of caustic chemicals at troublesome minorities, the brown fella usually ended up with a concussion from getting hit right in the noggin, in addition to chemical burns.
Of course, back then, soda bottles were made out of glass, not that faggoty plastic crap you see nowadays. Yes sir, they cared about QUALITY back then! You could drop a freakin’ ELEPHANT with a Coke bottle when I was a kid.

“All I know is that the more minorities are runnin’ scared, the better off America is.”

And the chemicals! We had gallons of lye & sulfuric acid just laying around under the sink. And they didn’t have those stupid “child-proof caps” – which are just a conspiracy by the Democrats to allow retarded kids to live long enough to vote, anyway.
Yup. Folks knew how to keep those uppity minorities in line back in the good old days. Why, if a colored guy were to file a law suit over a bunch o’ nuthin’ like these “Flying Imams” jerks did, they’d burn a cross on his lawn. Shut him right up.
Course, you can’t burn a CROSS on a Muslim’s lawn. Partly ‘cuz Muslims don’t have lawns. Just big piles of sand in their front yards, so they don’t get so homesick for the “old country”. Keep their furnaces roarin’ straight through the summer, too. Anyway, a cross wouldn’t work, because it don’t mean anything to them goofy camel-riding carpet-lickers. You’d have to use something that they cared about. Like a moon, or a star, or a horseshoe, or whatever Lucky Charms marshmallow they worship.
But it wasn’t just chemicals & burnin’ stuff that kept the brownies in line back then. We’d chase ’em around with dogs, too. That probably wouldn’t work with a Muslim, though, ‘cuz they eat dogs. Or maybe that’s Koreans. Poofy-haired bastards. I’ve got half a mind to throw a bottle at one right now. Anyway, I know you could scare a Muslim really good by chasing him with a pig. Or a shrimp cocktail. At least, I’m pretty sure there’s some bunch of Middle Easters that’re frightened by shellfish. All I know is that the more minorities are runnin’ scared, the better off America is.
Or WAS. You dirty punk kids with your piercings & your iPods… ya can’t even fling a decent projectile with your tatted-up spaghetti-arms. Nah. Not you, ya lazy bastards. Maybe you should put down your NinSony WiiStations, get out in the back yard, and play a little Pepper until you can at least hit the broad side of a barn!
I tell ya, the whole generation’s a disappointment. Pretty soon the colored’s are gonna be runnin’ the place.

Now get offa my lawn and go practice throwing eggs down at the 7-11 until you can knock the turban off the clerk’s head.

Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Why Can’t More Black People Be White Like Michael Jackson?” and “America’s Youth Will Never Amount To Diddly Squat”.

Americans Smart and Good

Liberals like to say that Americans are bad and dumb, but I’ve always asserted that liberals are bad and dumb and Americans are smart and good. In support of my view, here’s a survey of Americans on their views of the press, and most Americans don’t trust the press at all (because Americans are smart and good). 56% don’t trust the press when it comes to the war. The only ones who are bad and dumb are Democrats and liberals who are completely naive and credulous when it comes to the press. Only 39% of them know the press is politically biased and 56% of them trust everything the newspapers tell them about the war. No wonder they’re so bad and dumb, nodding their monkey heads in stupid agreement as they watch the network news. They probably thought Dan Rather was smart and knew what he was talking about; that is very sad. Wake up, stupid liberals! You’re getting bad information! All Americans know this; you should try being like Americans yourselves! Then you’d be smart and good.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Warning on cars’ side view mirrors: “Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, and if you can even glimpse Fred Thompson, you’re already dead.”