Ronin Profile: Sean G

Sean G

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Sean G.


What’s the story behind your name? Well, once upon a time I went by the amazingly cool moniker of nuclearboy. This was nod to my profession, and was, apparently, before I discovered women. As an older, more socially functional adult, it hardly seemed appropriate to be called that if I ever wanted to be taken seriously. (Mr. Interviewer–“let me see, your email is nuclearboy@aol.com… we’ll be in touch.”)
Where do you live? I’ve just moved to New Brighton, Pennsylvania. I didn’t really know what a commonwealth was, until I came here to the Keystone State–er, Commonwealth. I learned it meant that if you had any wealth, they took it away, and taxes are what we all have in common.
My best observations place the final resting place of my money in either the 6 guys standing around watching one guy fix a pot hole or in the back pockets of the socialist academia that are always hurting my kids’ education by being on strike. You know, maybe its better if he doesn’t learn curricula taught by pinko-commies.
How old are you? I was born the day that Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up views of Jupiter.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Starting life in the frozen tundra of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, I managed to grow up not sounding particularly Canadian, unless I get particularly excited, or spend too much time at home. Tired of shoveling snow, I decided the best way out of the global-warming-needing northland was to join the navy. That, and I didn’t want to work at a gas station the rest of my life.
Not content with the secret of fire, I spent 12 years 8 months and 16 days in the Silent Service of the world’s finest navy, creating heat by splitting atoms. A feat just now being achieved by the savages in Iran, despite the fact that the how-to has been in your local library since at least the 40’s. Perhaps they should consider that Allah just wants them to stay in the stone age.
Anyhow, having seen enough of the world to decide that there is no place better than the US of A, and for that matter, most places could be improved by several weeks of intense carpet bombing (hear that Frenchies?), I had not determined what I wanted to be when I grew up. However, I had eliminated submarine sailor from the list, and moved into civilian life.
A fortune 500 company now pays me to split their atoms here in Pennsylvania. My spare time is spent fixing up a 150 year old house, blogging, hunting, fishing, and making sure my son grows up to be a good American.
I still ended up shoveling snow.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Since shortly after Nuke The Moon. My Dad sent a link to it, and I’ve been reading since.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Definitely a tie between the post that got me reading IMAO: Nuke The Moon, and the more recent, but hilarious lolterizt!
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Ineluctable Perspicacious Persiflage
What’s your favorite political issue? Federalism, and the return to Constitutional governance. Our Founding Fathers, if they were around today, would be trying to lead a revolt.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. If you kindly direct your browsers to http://toomuchliberty.blogspot.com you will find a right of center oasis in the desert that is the internet. We (My Dad, a friend from work and I) started the blog last September and have been having a blast with it. We are pro-Thompson, pro-America (but I repeat myself), pro-Hippie Punchin’, and we like guns. Oh, and did I mention that we are against Monkeys? Particularly human-ape hybrids. No Humanzees!
Say something nice about Democrats. They almost always blink when hit in the head by a hammer.


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Ronin Profile: Pantera

Pantera

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Pantera.


What’s the story behind your name? Well, I choose Pantera because they were one of the few good metal bands in history that never thought they were smart enough to talk about politics. That, and my real name sounds a lot like Pantera.
Where do you live? Chattanooga, TN
How old are you? I was born around the time Clinton was first elected, so that makes me about 15.
[Man, I was entering high school then… and I make other people feel young. -Ed.]
Tell us briefly about yourself. When I was born, we had to move down to Tennessee from Virginia for my own safety. I’ll never know why we moved, but it may have had something to do with the fact I was a newborn baby in a 500 mile radius of Hillary Clinton. I don’t remember anything else from Clinton’s reign except a subtle sense of evil whenever the news came on. I started actually paying attention to politics around the 2004 election. I just couldn’t understand why on earth we would elect someone who would want to deliberately lose a war. Since then, I’ve become slightly addicted to conservative blogs and heavy metal (which don’t usually go together) and am a level 18 undead warrior on WoW.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Probably 2 years. I first came here when I saw your T-shirts on thoseshirts.com
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Probably the IMW where God comes down from Heaven and proceeds to beat Saudi Arabia with the nation of Syria. That line will crack me up until the day I die.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Funnier than everything-else (that’s one word).
What’s your favorite political issue? Being an armchair general, I ‘d have to say the war in Iraq. Given all the left knows about war is what they see on T.V. ( and barely even that) it’s sometimes difficult to understand how mind-numbingly retarded some of the left’s ideas about war are. Take for example, the idea that having less soldiers is a better strategy than more soldiers. I’m pretty sure General Robert E. Lee never said he would have won Gettysburg if he just had less troops. Or how surrendering will actually lead to victory.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Regrettably, no. I still have to go to school and I’d probably waste all my time reading blogs instead of posting them.
Name a stance you can’t have and be called a Republican. If you watch those Apache gun-camera videos and think of anything other than how awesome they are, you can’t be a Republican. Or if you raise taxes for any reason besides to get more funding for the military.


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Ronin Profile: kingaljr

kingaljr

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s kingaljr.


What’s the story behind your name? No real story to tell,when I first set up an ISP account the username I wanted was already taken so I threw together a mess of family names I could remember easily and just kept on using it.
Where do you live? Coon Rapids Minnesota,stop laughing it’s a real town.
How old are you? Just a hair over 50.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Not much to tell. I am an Army brat born in Germany who moved to Chicago when I was 7 and lived there for 5 years before moving to Minnesota. I dropped out of high school in 71 and joined the Army, not the brightest thing to do at the time. After doing my 3 years I started driving a truck all over the lower 48 until settling down and getting a local job about 15 years ago.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Just about 3 years, I originally came here following a link the late great Allan at Barking Moonbat had posted and have been stopping by daily ever since. I think it was something to do with Frank being the Devil or something.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Frank the Artist, the Donald Duck hat = Navy line still kills me.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? “our little homosexual”
[You’re little! -Ed.]
What’s your favorite political issue? How big a twat governor Pawlenty is, sorry fellow Minnesotans but he lost me with the smoking ban, the sniveling to the casino’s for more money to spend etc. He’s turning out to be another Arne Carlson.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope.
Does fire have mass? Only if FRED says it does. Yeah I know that’s a copout but I haven’t a clue, remember I dropped out.


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Ronin Profile: Canerican

Canerican

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Canerican.


What’s the story behind your name? I was born Canada, and I moved to the US about three years ago, Canerican seemed like a logical combination of the two.
Where do you live? Amherst, NY (which is proudly one of the only places in NY to vote for President Bush in 2000 and 2004)
How old are you? 19
Tell us briefly about yourself. Well, I was born near Montreal, which is possibly the most Liberal city in North America next to Havana. After 17 years of hearing about how bad America was I decided I needed to move there! I graduated high school in NY, and am now attending the University at Buffalo. I have literally
infiltrated two of the biggest Liberal bases! I am hoping that when I graduate that I can move down South (maybe Virginia or the Carolinas), New York may be Conservative compared to Canada, but I want to live in a place where Hillary Clinton wouldn’t stand a hope of getting elected.
How long have you been reading IMAO? I’d say about a year, I actually starting reading when you guest blogged for RWN.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? There are so many great ones, maybe “Hillary Clinton is the only Presidential candidate mention in the book of Revelations.” (my Dad is a minister and I wanted him to quote that before his sermon, but he wouldn’t) – probably the one about Ron Paul channeling the ant overlords (I showed that to anyone who would listen, until an angry mod of Paulians smashed my computer)
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hilarious. Manly. Sledgehammer.
What’s your favorite political issue? I really think that killing the terrorists is important to America, or at least making sure that they don’t kill us. I think that the economy is also a biggie in my books, as is illegal immigration.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope, I leave that up to the experts! But I do moderate a forum called vdrums.com
What’s your opinion on the hippie problem? I think it is self regulating problem (see the links below), if Fred Thompson wins in ’08 we won’t even need to wait for California to float away.
http://science.howstuffworks.com/question567.htm
http://vtcommons.org/node/594


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Ronin Profile: innominatus

innominatus

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s innominatus.


What’s the story behind your name? As a college student in the ’80s (remember 9600 baud modems?), there was a primitive online game called Empire (kinda like a more complicated Risk) and I needed a screen name. Innominatus is a variant of a latin word that pretty much means “having no name.” I liked the irony and that it sounded vaguely sinister. Didn’t keep me from getting whupped in the game, tho.
Where do you live? Corvallis, OR. Land of Oregon State University Beavers and lots of pock-marked liberals.
How old are you? 38 – just barely old enough to say I lived in the ’60s, but I was a commie-chasin’ Reagan fan all through high school.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m a nationalist Christian social-con with an occasional libertarian streak.. Married 5 years, 4 stepkids. Two big dogs. I like fast old cars, fast new computers and shiny new guns. Unfortunately my wages don’t allow me to indulge in any of those things very much.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About a year, but I’ve read enough of the archives to feel like an old-timer.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Favorite categories are IMW and I Hate Frank. Specific posts include the IMW where Barney Frank is asked if he is gay or retarded and replies “I can be both.” That triggered convulsive laughter. There was also a Guide to Spooky Creatures that suggested the best was to deal with a vampire is to screw with his alarm clock. I still laugh at that months later.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? WOLVERINES! (then it echoes two more times)
What’s your favorite political issue? 2nd amendment stuff had been quiet for a quite a while, but now it is time to see what the SCOTUS has to say. This is a big deal for me. Border security/illegal immigration is right up there, too.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, but I dunno if it really “counts” since I only post new blog updates about once a month. Some of the humor attempts turned out pretty good, (me, biased?) including a IMW inspired story, but the humor muse just doesn’t visit as often as I thought she would. Go there and tell me how great I am, maybe it will help.
How should we pick a presidential candidate?
Follow these steps precisely:
1. Exclude Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich.
2. Give each candidate a tacobell spork; allow each candidate 5 minutes to sharpen the spork by grinding it on the sidewalk.
3. Assign a random Gitmo detainee to each candidate.
4. Throw each candidate, one-by-one, into a Thunderdome-like arena along with his/her Gitmo detainee opponent.
5. Time how long it takes each candidate to disembowel his/her opponent. Winner is declared based on fastest time and artistic merit (1-10 scale, three judges, averaged). Democrats would probably talk too long to be competitive, so I think this system should be put into use right away.
; begin function(kobayashi maru) [? -Ed.]
What liberal do you most want to punch in his dumb monkey face? I think I’ll have to go with Al Franken, ‘cuz he’s about as monkey-faced as MFLs ever get. He is so monkey-faced, all he’d have to do is let his beard grow out for a few days and he could cameo in a Geico caveman commercial.
If you had Superman’s heat vision, how often would you use it? If it would cauterize Nancy Pelosi’s mouth shut, I guess I’d only need it once. But if the Northeast has an unusually cold winter, I’d glare at Ted Kennedy for a while and see if I can get any of that human lard to combust – it would really cut down on regional demand for heating oil.
Do you ever wish you could control fire with your mind? All the time. Especially when our flag is being torched by some “activists.” Flag burning would drop in popularity right away. “Gaah! Burning flag attacking me! (sizzling sound in background.)”
If you could shoot a powerful beam out your eyes, do you think you could find the spare time to fight evil? Dunno – been pretty busy reading IMAO lately. I suppose I could fly around in a Blackhawk and use my eye-beams like a doorgunner. That’d be worth it.
If you could wish one politician away to the cornfield, who would it be? Al Sharpton ran for Prez, so I guess he’s a politician. Make him go away, please.
Why do you think liberals’ faces resemble those of monkeys? I’ve been told that HIV first arose in African monkeys decades ago, and was transmitted to humans when a human did some “naughty things” with said monkey. Guess the monkey had not been taught how to use contraception. Either that or liberals are born normal looking, and gradually become more monkey-faced as the schoolyard beatings start to take a toll on their little skulls.
What do you recommend should be government policy on monkeys? Tell the monkeys that Fidel Castro is giving out free socialist peanuts to all monkeys. When the hungry monkeys dogpile Fidel, we should drop a MOAB on the whole heap. (MOAB=Monkeys On A**hole Bomb)
If you could control the creatures of the sea with your mind, what would you do? I’d have dolphins and sharks swim upriver to Chappaquiddick. The dolphins to save MaryJo and the sharks to dine on Ted.
Name one use for a liberal. Object of ridicule.
If you saw a monkey faced liberal but had your hands tied behind your back, what would you do? I’d say “Hey, MFL, look at that piece of litter on the ground! I think it’s recyclable!” When he bends over to pick it up I’d knee him in the throat and laugh as he writhes in agony.
If you could fire liberals out of a cannon, what would fire them at? Those giant windmills that are used for generating electricity. If you time it right, those giant spinning fan blades will really mess up a liberal as he flies by.
When I draw liberals, I always imagine them wearing pointy hats. Why is that? Liberals spend a lot of time with their heads up their you-know-whats. I think the pointy hat is helpful in some way, but I’m reluctant to think too much more about it.
What’s your least favorite type of whale? Rosanne Barr.
Do you think liberals secretly want to be punched? When I feel like punching a liberal, their wants are pretty much irrelevant.
If you could grow to fifty times your normal size, what would you do with that power? I’d challenge fartbreath himself, Michael Moore, to a Sumo to the Death contest. If I win, him and Olberman and Huffington and Kos and that whole crew have to move to North Korea and never be heard from again. If I lose, then all the talk radio and rightwing blog heroes have to move to The Hague and scrub toilets at the Internation Court for the rest of their lives. It would be a rumble for the ages. Now, I’m aware that based on sheer tonnage, me times 50 is still a lot less than Michael Moore, but I’m confident my speed and agility advantages would more than make up for it.
How would you introduce the president of Iran if he were giving a speech at your college? I’d give him a real “Bang” of an introduction. I think .357 magnum is about loud enough.
Juggling: What’s the point of it? In case the funny clothes and jester hat don’t give it away, juggling is a supplemental warning to passers-by that they are in unsafe proximity to someone who is Profoundly Gay.
What is it about Islamic terrorists that liberals like so much? Osama bin Laden has been in that cave a long time without running water. I’ve heard that his body odor smells a lot like Patchouli.
If Rose O’Donnell get her own show, what channel do you think it should be on? I don’t think Rosie’s fat ass would fit on just one channel.
;end function(kobayashi maru)


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Ronin Profile: Texaspartan

Texaspartan

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Texaspartan.


What’s the story behind your name? I live in Texas and I have a deep appreciation for the Spartan way of thinking. The only difference between Thermopylae and The Alamo is that The Alamo didn’t send any messengers
Where do you live? I live in Lubbock… the high ground of Texas. It is also known as “God’s Country. God made it, no one wanted it and God still has it”
How old are you? 37 and a few months, but my wife says I don’t act it. Probably because I can quote the movie “Army of Darkness” verbatim.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Husband, father and dog owner. I like hunting and reading books about martial arts. I try not to watch a lot of TV, mainly because there isn’t much worth watching. I did write a TV pilot and about eight episodes, but no one picked it up. Maybe that is why I don’t think there is much out there worth watching.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About a year. I didn’t mark the date on my calendar so I may have missed the anniversary. Sorry.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Lolterizt. Them guys is funny!!!!
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Tasteful yet unrefined.
What’s your favorite political issue? Illegal immigration and gun owner’s rights. I am all in favor of taking the best that other countries can offer and letting them work for a home and happiness here as long as they do it legally. If you come in unannounced and uninvited you just might get shot, just like someone breaking into a home, which of course leads to the rights of gun owners. See how it makes a nice little circle?
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope. I don’t have enough time in the day to spend with my wife and kids so I give them all the time I’ve got.
What state should be first in the Republican presidential primary and why? Texas (knew that was coming didn’t you). Other than Austin, most of the people here are fairly conservative in their mind set. If you really wanted to get the best and most conservative candidate we would be pretty good at weeding out the pretenders. GO FRED!!!


If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profile: sackofcatfood

sackofcatfood

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s sackofcatfood.


What’s the story behind your name? It came to me in a vision. A vision involving my four cats try to nibble through my skin to the delicious meet therein contained at three in the morning.
Where do you live? Albuquerque, New Mexico, on holidays and weekends; Socorro, New Mexico during school. (the venerable geekdom of New Mexico Tech)
How old are you? I am one-and-twenty years of age.
Tell us briefly about yourself. As a child, I was abandoned and raised by a roaming pack of wolves, er, I mean, lawyers. The lawyers raised me as one of their own. They taught me to scavenge for old people’s retirement funds, to use legal loopholes to my advantage, and to never represent Martha Stewart, even if the jury looks like a complete pushover.
As I grew, the other lawyers began to notice that I wasn’t like them, and so did I. While the other lawyer-cubs grew into lawyers, I grew into a human being. So I left my adopted family to find my own path in life.
It was about this time that the Mongols invaded Manchuria. They had a big dog which barked all night. It looked like China would be doomed for sure, then I had a brilliant idea. I told the Chinese to collect all of their unused rocks and pile them in a giant wall around their lands. It worked perfectly: that stupid dog couldn’t get in and we all finally got some sleep.
This worked out great until some Japanese guys accidentally threw their frisbee over the wall. The Chinese refused to give it back, so the Japanese decided to invade China like a bazillion times over the next two thousand years looking for it. They never did find it, and on top of that they got nuked TWICE, but then they invented Anime, so I guess that makes them even with the rest of us.
I didn’t stick around for all that. I decided to leave for England, on account of the only language I knew was English, and I was getting tired of waving my hands at people like a drunk New York cabbie every time I wanted to have a conversation.
The guy in charge of England was pretty cool. Some chap named Arthur. He had a sword he’d stolen from some lady made out of water, and was always swinging it around and accidentally smashing royal vases and whatnot, especially when we played tag. One time we were playing tag and he ran into his royal knights’ table and hurt his side on a corner. I suggested that he should shave off the corners and make it round, which he did.
Also while in England I met some dude named Shakespeare. He was in university and just about ready to fail his English class. I thought he seemed like a swell fellow, so I gave him some old plays and sonnets that I’d written to help him get through the course. Turned out pretty well for him.
A little later, however, some of my friends in the church were having a tough time with the government… you know, outstanding parking tickets or something. I advised them to flee across the ocean on rickety old ships with little food and faulty navigation equipment. Under my guidance, they eventually had a thriving colonial economy. I invented a type of de-carbonated mountain dew which I called “tea.” This went over quite well with them, and also our old friends in Britain. Then the British people got all uppity and started charging us money for it and stationing troops in our houses and all sorts of stupid stuff. So we shot them and they left.
About this time, I went into realestate. Property is a great investment to make. I told all the presidents this. “Manifest destiny,” I called it. It caught on with the Americans. Not so much with the Mexicans. Hehehe, I tricked some guys who called themselves “Canadians” into purchasing a vast wasteland of ice. They still haven’t realized they got ripped off.
Wouldn’t you know it, though, those folks in England couldn’t stay out of trouble. They got in some huge war with a bunch of other countries. TWICE. The first time I let them handle it on their own. The second time, things got kind of tricky.
This guy name Hitler had allied with this guy named Stalin. They were both dictators (you could tell because they had mustaches). Hitler’s mustache was pretty powerful, but midway into the war it became apparent that he would need to supplement its power with many natural resources in order to win. So he foolishly decided to invade Russia to augment his supplies. Unfortunately, Stalin’s mustache proved much too powerful, and soon glorious Soviet soldiers were marching on Munich.
Sadly, Stalin’s mustache began to corrupt him, and he decided to try to take over the world. I ran back to the United States where I helped them develop a solid nuclear program and deterrent military force. Stalin was like “Ah, crap!” and eventually died and was put in a museum some place.
After that, I hung out, grew a fro, partied through the 90’s, and now I’m a college student at New Mexico Tech where I make everybody’s day brighter and more merry. 🙂
Until the day I burn down my dorm.
[“Briefly” must mean something different when translated to crazy. -Ed.]
How long have you been reading IMAO? 2003? I know I lamented missing some of your earlier stuff but I was around for Bush running against that French guy.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Definitely your editorial by Allah. The running insinuation that Allah is actually Jewish makes for possibly the best piece of satire since A Modest Proposal.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? sui generis, cynosure, octothorpe
What’s your favorite political issue? Free trade. I’m the sort of sadistic person who thinks nothing’s funnier than luring a nutroot into a political argument only to transform it into a discussion about differential equations.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. http://sackofcatfood.blogspot.com/
It was mish-mash.info until I became too poor to afford hosting.
It is a silly place.
If you can plant any question in a Hillary Clinton audience, what would it be? Mrs. Clinton, is it true that you are actually too fat for that dress you are wearing, and are, in effect, at this very moment, engaged in an epic battle of will to restrain your pudgy gut from causing an explosion of sequins? DON’T LIE TO ME FATTY!


If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profile: Lazlo

Lazlo

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Lazlo.


What’s the story behind your name? I am an illustrator/cartoonist; I Googled my name one day to see if any imposters lurked around the Gore-osphere. Imagine my horror upon finding a ‘movie actor’ with the exact same name. This ‘actor’ was doing rude things to all the other ‘actors’ on the first website I came across. I
Lazlo needed a new name pronto.
I used to go walking with a girl who had a dog that was half coyote, half God-knows-what, and I re-named it Lazlo because it had eyes that were yellow and scary to look upon. I took that name because I want my eyes to be yellow and scary to look upon.
Where do you live? I live in Camp Verde Arizona, about 30 miles from Sedona (just far enough away to escape the New Age vapors that plague those who reside there).
How old are you? This is Lazlo’s fiftieth winter
Tell us briefly about yourself. I grew up in LA, went to art school, got semi-famous in a Psychedelic band in the 80’s. Quit that crap, and moved to Arizona after my eleventh liberal girlfriend (AD 1990). I have since become a building inspector. I now go out with women that will cut you if you don’t behave.
How long have you been reading IMAO? I have visited every day (except St. Dennis’ Day) since I first saw the site about a year ago.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Fred Thompson Facts! You had me at ‘Objects at rest better get moving.’
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hot. Buttery. Goodness.
What’s your favorite political issue? My favorite thing to think about is the sublime and transcendent hideousness of SHE-who-must-be-destroyed.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I had a blog called El Bloggo Lazlo on Townhall.com but my awesome life in the crapper precludes posting a lot.
What are better: Bears or wolves? I like Bears. A bear will dismantle your car for a Fig Newton. That is the spirit of enterprise!


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Ronin Profile: Abigail

Abigail

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Abigail.


What’s the story behind your name? My real name actually is Abigail. I’m named after both my great aunt and my mother. No special story to that, but I used to comment here under the pseudonym “SilverBubble”, which was a name randomly generated by a gaming site because I needed a screenname. I stuck with it for a while, but it’s since been retired.
Where do you live? Lock Haven, Pennsylvania. I go to the university here, though I’m originally from Jersey Shore (not NJ; a town in Pennsylvania).
How old are you? Sweet, sweet 21! Finally, I can own a handgun! I don’t drink, so 21 is no big deal in that regard, but I’ve been looking forward to obtaining my mother’s S&W Model 36 Lady Smith (.38 Special) since I first learned of its existence.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I fell in love with the internets at age 13 when I got my first computer. Now you’d have to drag me away kicking and screaming from my laptop (I can usually be found either reading blogs or playing World of Warcraft). I go to a Pentecostal church here in town (it’s the only thing for which I willingly leave the aforementioned laptop) (Jesus > (everything else)(infinity)). I’m probably the only girl on campus who is a registered Republican. I’m an English Lit. major, which means I’ll never get a job in my field. I love to hunt and shoot. Squirrel hunting is my favorite – just me and my Model 69 Winchester .22 out in the woods, dropping those gray furry-tailed rodents when they hold still a second too long… ah, Paradise!
How long have you been reading IMAO? My earliest comment under SilverBubble that I’ve found in my brief search is from 9/11/05, though I know I’ve been reading longer than that. Regardless, it’s been a while.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? “In My World: Rumsfeld Wants Talks with North Korean Leader” — every time I think of the line, “Kill us! Kill us horribly!” I crack up. That happens a lot.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Crazy Sexy Cool
What’s your favorite political issue? It’s a toss-up between Second Amendment rights and abortion. The first angers me and the second grieves me, so it’s a question of which emotion is worse, rage or sorrow. Other issues of interest are gay marriage, stupid Commies ruining everything, and how crappy/liberal modern American education is.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My old blog is dead and gone, so I have created a new one that is much better — Utter Nonsense (http://www.jc4e.com/blog). I try to post consistently, but that doesn’t really happen.
If you had to elect one of the Beatles to be president, who would it be and why? John Lennon, because the stupid Commie is dead and we could quickly move on to a better president, like Fred! Thompson.


To be in the running for this, make sure you commented in the last post asking for entrants. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profile: Ernie Loco

Ernie Loco

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Ernie Loco.


What’s the story behind your name? In the Weird Al movie “UHF”, there’s this used car salesman named Crazy Ernie. I thought that sounded like a good screen name, but when I tried to use it at some website, Crazy Ernie was already taken. So I “translated” it to Spanish, and I’ve been using Ernie Loco ever since.
Where do you live? I currently live in West Lafayette, Indiana, but I still claim Fort Wayne as my place of residence.
How old are you? Young enough to have been born during the golden age of the Reagan administration, but old enough to have voted for Bush. (23 to be exact)
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m just a good old-fashioned, conservative Christian, skinny whiteboy from Indiana. I like playing all kinds of sports, but I really love football. I’m a huge University of Michigan fan, so this season’s been pretty rough. I’m also into computers, so much so, that I got a degree in computer engineering this past May from Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. I’m currently at Purdue University working on a masters degree in Electrical Engineering. I suppose I’ll have to grow up and get a job at some point, but I’m trying
to put that off as long as possible. In addition to all that, I also like: reading science fiction books, Colts football, and hot, conservative chicks. (So if you know any near West Lafayette, send them my way. :-p )
How long have you been reading IMAO? I’ve only actually been reading IMAO for about 4 months, but I’ve read so much of the archives that it seems a lot longer. I was drawn in by the Fred Thompson shirt, and I haven’t left since.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? My favorite post is the one where Petraeus talks about reducing troops in Iraq, but a lot of the In My Worlds are great as well. Heck, there’s not much of anything on IMAO that I don’t like. …Except for trolls. I don’t like them.
[Not even Ron Paul trolls? -Ed.]
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hmm, either “Brilliant political satire” or more likely, “Mocking retarded morons”
What’s your favorite political issue? I don’t know about favorite, but the issue that most sends me into a murderous rage is abortion. That’s the dealbreaker for me because I don’t see how killing babies is ever justifiable, let alone should be supported by my tax dollars. After that, I have very strong opinions about gay marriage, killing terrorists, high taxes, teaching that relativistic liberal BS in public schools, gun control, social security reform, securing the borders, Ron Paul being a looney toon, and pretty much any other issue out there.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yeah, I’ve got a personal blog on Xanga that I update irregularly. But mostly it’s just me talking about football and/or my latest homework/test/lack of sleep. Not particularly interesting, but you’re welcome to check it out if you like.
Do you see any disadvantages to doing away with the environment? Well, with the environment gone, we wouldn’t have any of those stupid environmental protection laws getting in the way of progress. Plus, we’d never have to hear Al Gore open his mouth again, and I’m all for that!
The only disadvantage I see is, with the environment destroyed, all life on earth would perish. But that’s a small price to pay to get Al Gore to shut up, so let’s do it! Nuke the Earth!


To be in the running for this, make sure you commented in the last post asking for entrants. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profiles Open Casting

I want to get back to Ronin Profiles, so if you’ve yet to be featured and want to, just comment to this post and make sure to fill out the e-mail box when you do (only I get to see that, so no worries about spam).

Ronin Profile: Sir Andrew

Sir Andrew

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Sir Andrew.


What’s the story behind your name? I think “Andrew” was taken on some message board somewhere, so I randomly chose “Sir Andrew”.
Where do you live? Dallas, TX, USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way, etc…
How old are you? 17, 18 in about a month.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I used to be a nerd. A big nerd. Like the Star Trek-watching, computer programming, no social life type of nerd.
But then I found politics, and yet I am still a nerd. I plan on getting at least a Master’s in PoliSci and running for office someday, hopefully ending me up in the Senate so I can bring the smack down on these elitists.
How long have you been reading IMAO? I haven’t been counting, but I would say about a year and a half.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? It’s too hard to pick one, but since I have to, I would say it is the “IMAO Condensed: Gun Control” post.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Brash, Off-the-wall, Witty. And yes, “off-the-wall” is only one word. It’s hyphenated.
What’s your favorite political issue? I would say that the threat of Islamofascism is my favorite issue right now. The pleasure one gets from schooling those smug Ron Paul supporters with their idiotic “blow back” theory is immensely satisfying. Think of the pleasure you get when you’ve put liberals in a sputtering rage, and multiply that by 100.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My website is GOPedia.us, which I don’t hardly ever update as much as I should. Basically it’s a place for the random and funny thoughts I have. Now that these questions have reminded me, I think I’ll update.
What’s your favorite Fred Thompson fact? “Fred Thompson can shoot a two inch group at 500 yards with a Nerf gun.” – Because for some reason, I didn’t get it immediately but it flew out of nowhere and smacked me in the face a day later causing spontaneous laughter.


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profile: ZK

ZK

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s ZK.


What’s the story behind your name? It’s actually an abbreviation of my old internet handle, Zerokun, back from when I was a huge fan of Megaman X. Since then, my taste in games and whatnot has expanded, but I’ll always remember this old handle fondly.
Where do you live? West Milford, NJ. A right-wing sanctuary in the left-wing corruption capital of the country.
How old are you? Old enough to vote and drink, but still not old enough to know better(read: 31.)
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m just a simple man trying to make his way through the universe.
How long have you been reading IMAO? For a few years now. I actually discovered this blog from the Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiller. When I’d read your impassioned plea to nuke the moon, I knew I’d stumbled upon something worth following.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? If you’re talking about specific posts, it’s when everyone’s favorite globular mass of socialist agitprop gets a fine how-do-you-do from Mr. S.M.I.T.E. But if you’re talking about categories, I’m a particular fan of Fred Facts, In My World, Hate-Filled Lefty, LOLterizt, Adventures of Aquaman, and Know Thy Enemy.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? We Hate Monkeys.
What’s your favorite political issue? The war, tax reform, the whole oil thing, immigration reform, the first two Amendments in the Bill of Rights (I don’t actually own a gun myself, but definitely wouldn’t mind owning one someday,) and any time liberals get figuratively punched in their dumb monkey faces. And literally.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a LiveJournal. (http://zk273.livejournal.com) Does that count?
[No. -Ed.]
Do you have a hanker for a hunk o’ cheese? Stinkin’ hunka muenster, yeah yeah yeah!


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profile: hadsil

hadsil

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s hadsil.


What’s the story behind your name? My geekiness is exposed. A long time ago I was playing the Ars Magica roleplaying game and my character gave birth to a son. I used the first letters of all party members’ names to get his name – Hadsil. It’s actually the coolest name, I think, I ever came up with for any character I’ve played. The father was another party member. We didn’t roleplay the consumation, but it would have been interesting.
Where do you live? Bay Shore, NY
How old are you? 37
Tell us briefly about yourself. Single, mostly harmless Jewish guy. I work in market research, so when I read of blogs here at IMAO or elsewhere chastising opinion polls, I have an insider perspective of irony. My company has not done the various polls that were talked about, but we have worked with IPSOS. Anyway, my geekiness is paramount. If it’s not D&D, then it’s nothing.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Over 2 years. Shameless plug: you can thank Michelle Malkin. I started to read her blog after I read her “Liberals Unhinged” book. She was my introduction to the blogosphere. I use her bloglist to get to my favorites.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? It was never anything specific, just the whole thing, but lately the John Edwards digs are getting my biggest laughs. To boost your ego, I was a solid Giuliani supporter but Fred Thompson is looking better all the time. A Thompson/Giuliani ticket would be primo.
[That would make the nutroots squeal in anger. -Ed.]
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Laughing At Liberals, but that’s easy.
What’s your favorite political issue? There are quite a number that pique my interest, but there is one issue I find that always gets my goat – men’s rights. Modern feminism is not about empowering women but rather destroying men.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. None
[A geek without a website? -Ed.]
What do you think would be the best part of a Hillary Clinton presidency? Republicans definitely get back Congress in 2010, the Presidency in 2012, and even then I’ll wish I lived in France.


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Ronin Profile: Fuloydo

Fuloydo

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Fuloydo.


What’s the story behind your name? My actual name is Floyd. I spent several years back in the 80’s working for a Japanese company and all of the upper management and most of the engineers were Japanese who spoke English as very much a second language, if at all. Fu-loy-do was how they pronounced my name. (They pronounced my last name Ku-raa-ku. You have roll the “r” and give it a teensy bit of “l” for the proper effect.)
Where do you live? A (very) small town by the name of Adrian located about 50 miles south of Kansas City, MO
How old are you? I’m not 45 yet. 🙂
Tell us briefly about yourself. Disabled, spend all my time either reading or surfing the intertubes, and am a collector. (note: collector=geek….Science Fiction books, DVD’s, Movie posters, Fantasy swords, etc.) I also collect guns, as I can afford them, and I studied martial arts off and on for several years prior to my accident, including kendo, and still have all the stuff associated with those. Basically, I’m a geeky packrat. I speak a very limited amount of Japanese, just about sufficient to ask where the bathroom is and please can I have another beer, and I can fluently say “I don’t understand, do you speak English?”
How long have you been reading IMAO? Not sure….I first discovered blogs shortly after 9-11 and didn’t really get heavily into them until the memogate incident prior to the 2004 elections. I came across IMAO as a link from one of those, probably Ace of Spades though it could have been the puppy blender. Say three-four years.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Split between the Know Thy Enemy posts and the cartoons. You are an incredible artist.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Irreverent, with guns.
What’s your favorite political issue? The 2nd Amendment. “From my cold dead hands” is not a bumper sticker, it’s a promise. I have a Missouri CCW permit and I never leave my home without my Sig.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I used to host http://www.excelsiornews.com on a server in my basement but got tired of the headaches. The site still exists but I’m no longer an admin and it’s no longer on my server. It’s an entertainment news discussion forum inhabited by the standard range of internet fanboys.
If Rose O’Donnell get her own show, what channel do you think it should be on? I’d say the Cartoon Network but that would expose our children to her……Bravo is the obvious choice……How about Animal Planet?


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.