wRitErsbLock and her husband, sherlock, got to see Mitt Romney in Orlando. She has pictures including those of the Ron Paul supporters who nearly took over the event through their sheer numbers.
John Hawkins of Right Wing News has his updated list of favorite blogs, and look who beat out Rachel Lucas. How did we beat her? As I keep explaining to my wife, men are better at everything.
Here’s a heartbreaking AFP photo of what coalition forces did to puppies. This is why I hate America and our troops!
Archive of entries posted on 15th August 2007
Ronin Profiles: Devil_Dog
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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Devil_Dog.
What’s the story behind your name? It’s a nickname for United States Marines– of which I am one. It comes from WW-I when the German officers said the American Marines fought like “Teufel-hunden,” which were the vicious, wild, and ferocious mountain dogs of Bavarian folklore.
Where do you live? Currently in Reno, Nevada (from Colorado, though).
How old are you? Forty-three… chronologically, that is.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Retired from USMC. Currently working in national nuclear security, teaching all manner of death-dealing (armed and unarmed fighting skills). All “free” time spent with family and writing my novels.
Do you think ninjas are underused in foreign policy? There is no way to overstate just how underused they are in foreign policy! Imagine the instant respect (and cold, stark fear) from the world if Condoleezza Rice had appointed a ninja to a high-level diplomatic post… instead of Cal Ripkin Jr. Now THERE’S a press conference for you!
How long have you been reading IMAO? Since 2003.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Hands down, “In My World: Career Day”: https://www.imao.us/index.php/2003/04/in-my-world-career-day/ – You’ve never written anything funnier than that one!
What’s you favorite political issue? Probably national defense, since nothing else matters unless we’re safe from the bad guys.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. For two years, I posted on Right Equals Might (www.rightequalsmight.com). I just put that site on hiatus in order to concentrate on my books. Just published one about Guardian Angels called “Guardian Dear” (here’s the trailer for it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=j8ckPtJwz28 – and the web site for it: http://www.guardiandear.com/ ), and I’m finishing another on a completely different subject.
BTW, you would like “Guardian Dear,” since it deals with lots of violence (swords galore!) and the Book of Tobit figures prominently in it. Non-Catholics will like it, too… maybe just not as much.
What kind of person do you imagine dislikes IMAO? Probably the standard, prototypical, drooling, dumb, monkey-faced drone who sacrificed a sense of humor for “speaking truth to power.”
Also probably werewolves… what with the whole moon thing and all.
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!
IMAO Condensed: English
Whaddya Mean “Just”?
I’m kinda irked that Obama said that our troops are “just air-raiding villages and killing civilians” in Afghanistan.
Like it’s not important or something. I mean it’s not like the terrorists are going to pick up the slack if we don’t do it.
But the fact is, the US military has got a lot on its plate over there in the ‘stan. Here are some of the jobs our boys are expected to do every day:
- Target journalists
- Throw candy at kids and not laugh when it bounces off their foreheads & makes ’em yip & go cross-eyed.
- Nod, smile, and make polite listening noises while natives blather on and on about their pointless, unimportant lives. Thank God we’ve got married men over there.
- Participate in a game of Buzkashi with the locals because – ever since Rambo III – the natives think ALL Americans love playing dead-goat-polo. Damn you Sylvester Stallone!
- Scour the poppy fields for lions, dogs, little girls, scarecrows, and some guy who looks like Jet Jaguar.
- Take turns leading Osama Bin Laden around on a leash in his secret prison cell.
- Oh HELL yeah. We’ve had him in custody since 2001. Anyone who thinks otherwise probably thought Paul was dead back in ’66, too.
- Keep “accidentally” lobbing shells across the border into Iran, just to keep Ahmadinejad twitchy.
- Learn enough Pashto to say “I am not Rambo”. Damn you again, Sylvester Stallone!
- Throw terrorists into leftover Russian minefields and see how far they bounce. Sorta like live-action Kitten Cannon.
- Hack into the Taliban’s web site and change the front page to something like:
Of course, if Obama were President, they’d be air-raiding villages & bombing civilians in Pakistan, which is completely different.
Jackass.
Man Made Global Warming Is Real and Monkeys Must Die!
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It ends up that orangutans are being slaughtered in the name of fighting global warming. Interestingly enough, I have just been thinking that with allllll the scientists who believe that global warming is caused by man, maybe they are right. Maybe we do have to kill all the monkeys.
Also, I think another way to fight global warming is to set squirrels on fire. Squirrels eat nuts which could have otherwise grown into trees to help fight global warming. If we set all the squirrels on fire, there will be more trees and less warming! Kill them and the monkeys for the sake of the world! Either squirrels will burn or the earth will!
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards is actually a lesbian trapped in a lesbian’s body.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
It takes John Edwards three times as long to shave as the average man. This isn’t because his beard is heavier but because he has to also “hit the pits” and those areas around the knees and ankles can be so gosh darn tricky.
Bonus Fact from Silicon Valley Jim:
John Edwards believes that there are two Americas: one where there are Islamofascists, Dick Cheney, and George W. Bush, and another one populated by fluffy bunnies, cuddly kittens, and darling lambs.
I Asked Dr Helen And She Answered
Helen NotReynolds has a little q and a she does on pajamas media.So I figured I’d ask a question. The preface here is a previous column she did about altruism. And it got me thinking.
Date: Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:35:40 -0500
From: spacemonkey@lmao.us
To: askdrhelen@hotfemale.com
Subject: Doing A Public Service?
Would you consider someone who drinks puppy smoothies (and I’m not necessarily talking about your husband) as a doer of a public service akin to the job performed by animal shelter staff when they are putting down unwanted animals?
—
SpaceMonkey
———————
http://www.imao.us
Her response was telling as well as chilling.
Dear Spacemonkey,
Absolutely. Puppies really aren’t animals anyway. They are technically foodstuffs and are grown in greenhouses or as at our house, a cloning vat. Manned day and night by hobos who are awaiting their “trip to the other side of the tracks” as Glenn likes to say.
They are delicious and refreshing. In this heat, a little public service that also refreshes is its own double reward. What good citizenry is all about: Doing the right thing when it helps you out.
Hope this helps.
Dr Helen
P.S. Buy a Volvo.
Always with the Volvo.
Bush on the Zombie Threat
In My World: Forever into Darkness Goes the Rove
“As you all know,” Barack Obama said to an assembled crowd of supporters, “I opposed the Iraq War from the start. Of course, that was because I thought Iraq was a province of Canada. Well, now I have smarter reasons to oppose the Iraq War. We have to take our troops out of Iraq and out of Afghanistan where they’re doing nothing but killing civilians and immediately invade Antarctica and bring peace between the penguin and seal population.”
President Bush turned off the TV. “Boy is that guy stupid. I guess I better bring peace to the world before the next guy takes over.”
Out of the shadows emerged the hooded figure of Karl Rove. “I’m afraid I won’t be with you to the end of this journey.”
“Whatcha you talk’n about, Rove?”
“According to the ancient Book of Punditry, now is the time I retire permanently to the shadows.”
“And do what?”
Rove eyes glowed. “Dark things… Plus, I’m going to spend more time with my family. Also, I’m writing a book.”
“Really? What’s it called?”
“Working title is the Necronomicon.”
“Eh… I don’t read books.”
“I’m well aware of that.”
Bush hung his head sadly. “Aww… we were such a great team. You were like Emperor Palpatine, Cheney was like Darth Vader, and I was like Jar Jar Binks, and together we were going to rule the galaxy! Now where are we going to get our evil to make others fear us? I don’t know if Cheney can do that alone.”
From another room they could hear Cheney shout, “More kittens! I’m hungry!”
Bush thought for a moment. “Hey, this isn’t just some trick of yours, is it?”
Rove handed Bush a piece of paper. “Check today’s talking points memo.”
Bush read the first line aloud. “‘Remember to belittle as crazy anyone who suggests Karl Rove’s resignation is just a Rovian trick.’ Hmm, who wrote this?” Bush checked the bottom of the memo. “Rarl Kove? Who’s he?”
“He’s… new.” The shadows grew around Karl Rove to the point they almost enveloped the whole room. “Now is the time that I depart to the land of darkness and shadows. Know that I shall never truly be gone. Wherever a child cries, wherever dreams go unfulfilled, wherever suffering becomes unbearable, wherever a Republican seems inexplicably unconcerned with border issues, I shall be there!” For the last time, Rove faded back into the shadows, and then the shadows themselves disappeared leaving the room bright and cheery.
A kitten wandered into the room. Cheney then ran in behind it and snatched it up by the scruff of its neck.
“Rove is gone,” Bush told him. “Now we have to figure things out ourselves.”
“Well, the Democrats are pushing even harder to spoil things in Iraq now that they think victory might be possible.”
Bush thought for a moment. “I know! We can invade Iran! Then everyone will complain about how that’s a quagmire and ignore Iraq just like they now ignore Afghanistan.”
Cheney shrugged his shoulders. “I guess that could work. Hey, have you seen my kitten dipping sauces?”
“Stop Throwing Bullets at Me!”
Look at this picture and read the first sentence of the caption and tell me you don’t laugh out loud.
Uncle Jimbo found more instances of this woman in press pictures. When I saw here, first thing I thought of was the lamenting Lebanese woman and apparently others noticed the resemblance.
UPDATE:
More here. They aren’t even U.S. military rounds. Also, you have to see what they did to a puppy!
Did You See Outbreak? I Didn’t, But I Know a Monkey Was Involved
I was very alarmed to see this story about a monkey repeatedly escaping a zoo. You’d think with all the modern technology we have, we’d have mastered how to isolate and contain a monkey by now. Well, if you can’t keep a monkey caged, then you need to destroy. If you were a science lab that had a strain of small pox and it kept escaping, you’d expect them to destroy the virus rather than trying to contain it anymore. Such should be our attitude towards monkeys.