I’m kinda irked that Obama said that our troops are “just air-raiding villages and killing civilians” in Afghanistan.
Like it’s not important or something. I mean it’s not like the terrorists are going to pick up the slack if we don’t do it.
But the fact is, the US military has got a lot on its plate over there in the ‘stan. Here are some of the jobs our boys are expected to do every day:
- Target journalists
- Throw candy at kids and not laugh when it bounces off their foreheads & makes ’em yip & go cross-eyed.
- Nod, smile, and make polite listening noises while natives blather on and on about their pointless, unimportant lives. Thank God we’ve got married men over there.
- Participate in a game of Buzkashi with the locals because – ever since Rambo III – the natives think ALL Americans love playing dead-goat-polo. Damn you Sylvester Stallone!
- Scour the poppy fields for lions, dogs, little girls, scarecrows, and some guy who looks like Jet Jaguar.
- Take turns leading Osama Bin Laden around on a leash in his secret prison cell.
- Oh HELL yeah. We’ve had him in custody since 2001. Anyone who thinks otherwise probably thought Paul was dead back in ’66, too.
- Keep “accidentally” lobbing shells across the border into Iran, just to keep Ahmadinejad twitchy.
- Learn enough Pashto to say “I am not Rambo”. Damn you again, Sylvester Stallone!
- Throw terrorists into leftover Russian minefields and see how far they bounce. Sorta like live-action Kitten Cannon.
- Hack into the Taliban’s web site and change the front page to something like:
Of course, if Obama were President, they’d be air-raiding villages & bombing civilians in Pakistan, which is completely different.
Jackass.
Diet Coke with Bacon?! And a cup of warm mayonaise with a plate of raw pig and a side order of live dog.
Our military will need to be retrained for their “new mission” once Osama or Hillary take over. Some new classes for them…
Why Abduallah should be happy he has two mommies by Rosie
Jack Booted Thug training by Janet Reno
Condom distribution from Jocelyn Elders
Sex Ed for 5 year olds taught by Osama Obama
Ash Tray Toss taught by “herself”
Sexual Harrassment 101 or “you better put some ice on that” by “himself”
Economics of the Mother Tite by Robert Riche
How to Out-Slime Al Quida by James Carville
Al Quida-Can’t We All Just Get Along by Rodney King and Shawn Penn
Bush Lied, People Died, Halliburtin, Cheney, Rove by Cindy Sheehan, The New York Times, The Washington Post and The LA Times, The Mps. Star and Tribune, The SF Chronicle, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, BBC
How to stop being an uneducated military moron by John Kerry
Other courses available from the ussjimmycarter institute, branch campuses:
* Battle field sexual etiquette by Bill Clinton
* How to survive a POW beheading by John McCain
* Hostage tactics by Jimmy Carter (oops!)
* When to surrender by John Murtha
* When to vote for and then against military spending by John Kerry
* The right way to lose a war by Lyndon Johnson
* How not to stay the course and say no to Bush by Harry Reid
* Swords to plowshares in one generation by George McGovern
* Demoralizing our enemies with double talk by Hillary Clinton
* Confusing our friends and enemies by Barack Obama
Please see the catalog for all course titles.
More courses recently added to the ussjimmycarter institute’s cirriculum:
* Gibberish as a first or second language by Ted Kennedy
* Using Tanks with one forward and five in reverse by Anwar Sadat (deceased, video tape with quiz)
* Firmly apologizing with retreat by Madeleine Albright
* Visiting enemy terrorist states in wartime: do’s and do’s by Nancy Pelosi
* Winning the war against conservative talk radio without the 1st Amendment by Howard Dean
* Socialized medicine for the troops, your folks and you by Hillary Clinton
* European and Russian money behind Saddam: get over it by James Baker
* Why the WMD’s were made to disappear by George Bush
Everyone got all creative on this one and I went to Kitten Cannon for an hour……
Let me here your war cry by Howard Dean
Lets see your war face by Nancy Pelosi
Serving without serving by Albert A Gore JR
Does any one have Doritos? by Micheal Moore
Kiss my ass and you’ll get an “A” by Jesse Jackson
NO, kiss mine by Al Sharpton
High score : 1171
Will, you are now an official branch campus of the ussjimmycarter institute for democratic retraining. The two above without a name are from some old Barry Goldwater Republican. Cheers.
Graduate level curricula are also offered at the institute:
* Do ask and do tell (or bend over and kiss the other guy’s arse) by Hillary Clinton
* Reducing the military to fight global warming by Al and Tipper (stop feeding him!) Gore
* Embedding American media in foreign anti-American protests by Keith Olbermann, Wolf Blitzer and Paula Zahn
* Bringing back the draft for more cannon fodder by Charles Rangel
* Shock and awe during withdrawal by Osama bin Laden (on loan from Al Qaeda, limited availability, check with HLS)
* The importance of ignoring important news stories by Larry King
* How to sell socialism, appeasement, dependency and apathy to young minds by various Democrats (1)
(1) There are over 300 presenters, check schedule.