Ronin Profiles: Dick

Dick

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Dick.


What’s the story behind your name? I was involved in a rather nasty argument a few years back with a crazed, tree-hugging, liberal broad. In the midst of the furor, she stopped what she was doing, then began to scream out that I was nothing but a big dick.
I thanked her for the beautiful idea, smiled pleasantly, and walked away.
Where do you live? Dallas, Texas, where I was born and raised. Sorry, no habla. Should I?
How old are you? Somewhere around seven in dog years. What about yourself?
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m one of the growing number of people who’ve met the love of their life through blogging and I couldn’t imagine a life without her.
I freely admit that I was a Liberal when I was young. Fortunately, by the age of six, I learned to read and write, resulting in my political leanings changing dramatically.
I spent six years in the US Army Infantry, leaving as a Buck Sergeant. Most of my time in the service was spent far down South or in Europe. My drink of choice is Cuervo Black tequila straight, three fingers at a time. I was spit at, and called a baby killer back when it was fashionable.
My first novel is going to press as I type.
What is it about terrorists that makes us love to kill them? What’s not to love? Every time a terrorist is toasted by one of our guys, Rosy gains another pound. Other than that, it has to be the crunchy sound they make when they go.
How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple or three years now, but that all depends on how much I’ve had to drink.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Me? I enjoy your quick quotes. The Fred Thompson and John Edwards facts are usually priceless. Notice I said usually. Sometimes you drop a turd, but I pretty much let those slide.
[Hey; no one bats a thousand. -Ed.]
What’s you favorite political issue? Anytime Charles Rangel screws up and opens his pie hole. That gravy sucking bottom dweller cracks me up with the ludicrous crap he spews.
Also, I’m one of the few who wouldn’t mind a civil war, but only if we could get the geographical boundaries sorted out.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. http://bigdicksplace.blogspot.com/
It’s small in comparison to this joint with only 800-1000 readers a day, but I have fun with it. My Fattie Fridays are not for the weak of heart.
How do you cheer yourself up on a rainy day? It’s the middle of August. I’m in Texas. We’re begging for rain.


If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Sad Day for Nutroots Updated

Jose Padilla, hero of super-mainstream Kos types, was found guilty today of, in one Kos commenter’s words, “being a non-white American citizen.” Also, I think the supporting terrorism had something to do with it.
More coverage at Hot Air if you care about actual news. Me, I just think it’s great that Jose was a pioneer showing it’s possible to be a terrorist without being name Mohammad or Ahmed.
UPDATE
Here’s someone getting her panties in a twist over the verdict and then questions Malkin’s and Allahpundit’s patriotism. After people in the comments start to her patriotism (as well as her logic and hysteria) she responds:

And may I say again I am stunned so many people who consider themselves to be patriotic Americans are so cheerful about flushing American values down the toilet. Y’all should be ashamed of yourselves.
Comments are now closed.

These people couldn’t be anymore pathetic if they were on a street corner holding up a cardboard sign saying, “Will hate booosh for food.”

Bush Spends Weekend “Messin’ With Froggy’s Head”

KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine (Reuters) – President Bush appeared invigorated after inviting the recently-elected French President Nicolas Sarkozy to his Kennebunkport vacation home where he spent the weekend playing spiteful practical jokes on and cruelly taunting France’s leader as revenge for French political activities during the run-up to the Iraq War.
“Well, that swishy little girl Chirac never had the guts to face me in person, so I figured I could get a little payback outta Sarkozy,” said President Bush. “I sweet-talked him into coming up to my house and just started messin’ with Froggy’s head.”

Bush suckers France’s naive president with a joy buzzer.

“First thing I did was hand him a hamburger, waited until he bit the edge, then told him, ‘Whoa, there, Pierre! That’s not how we eat a burger in America! Ya take the top bun off, then start lickin’ the meat.’ Would you believe that idiot actually started DOING it? I’m totally putting that one up on YouTube!”
Bush then took a verbal swipe at the visiting dignitary. “Just like eatin’ an Oreo, ain’t it? You DO have Oreos in France, right? Oh… wait… the only black & white things you have over there are the burnt out shells of cars after Muslim riots”.
Sarkozy, embarrassed, said nothing.
Bush continued to goad. “Come on Sarky, it’s not THAT bad. At least you smelly grape-stompers still got your national health care, right? Say… does that include air-conditioners now, or are you guys planning on roasting a few thousand more old people this year?”
After nightfall, Bush stopped the verbal barbs in favor of some old reliable frat-house pranks. “It was sorta like those ‘Messin With Sasquatch’ commercials,” said Bush, “except hairier and smellier.”
“In one night,” bragged the President, “I pulled the shaving cream in the hand trick, dipped his other hand in warm water, and woke him up with a bag of flaming dog poo.”
“I ain’t had this much fun since I tricked Putin into wearing a dress,” grinned Bush. “That picture’s EVERYWHERE now.”
“It was a great time,” concluded the President. “I may have lost Blair as my poodle, but now I’ve definitely made Sarkozy my bitch.”

Maybe You Don’t Hate America; Maybe You Just Hate How Much You Suck

Apparently Washington Post/Newsweek has made a blog for foreigners to spout off about why they hate America. That’s kinda stupid; why would any American care what a foreigner thinks? I guess it makes them feel better to think that Americans might actually listen to them. Maybe we can outsource reading the blog to India where people can pretend to be Americans and respond to America hate with “Wow. I didn’t know other countries thought of us that way. You’ve really opened my eyes.” or “I guess America has to work harder at not being imperialist.” or whatever it is foreigners want to hear Americans say. If we’re going to pay an Indian a dollar an hour to respond, he can figure that out.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgThere isn’t a hooker in the world who wouldn’t sell her soul to have John Edwards’s perfect, round little ass.
Bonus fact: Estimated street value of John Edwards’s perfect, round little ass: $10,000.
Bonus bonus fact: 10 cartons of cigarettes in Attica.

Question

Hugo Chavez is proposing a six hour workday for his people. Does the six hours of work include the standing on a street corner begging for change?

IMAO Condensed: Barack Obama

Magic Bullet Woman! More to the story!

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard of the poor woman who had blood thirsty American soldiers fling bullets through her bedroom. This is sad on so many levels and leads me to ask many important questions:
Why were they flinging bullets at her?
As the AP gun experts would ask, “Don’t they have guns that go bang and stuff?”
Why were they targeting this poor woman? Was she a reporter?
But wait there’s more!
IMAO has learned that this was NOT the orginal photo! That’s right. The AP changed the photo and the original caption. Thanks to the tireless team at IMAO (Motto: Don’t talk to me, I’m on a break) we have a picture and the text of the original materials.

Continue reading ‘Magic Bullet Woman! More to the story!’ »

Messiah Hunting

Apparently President Bush is trying to kill the Islamic messiah (according to Iranian press). I think this is a good thing. There’s been a big taboo about killing messiahs ever since the Jesus incident, but maybe it’s time we get over it. While everyone now agrees that Jesus was a really nice person and that killing him wasn’t very smurfy, considering the kind of followers this Mehdi guy attracts, the Islamic messiah is probably a big stupid jerk. I bet he’s all like, “I’m the messiah! Bring me food and women! Kill unbelievers!”
No, Islamic messiah, we’re going to kill you.
I think it would be awesome if President Bush hunted down the Islamic messiah himself and decapitated him, absorbing the Islamic messiah’s powers. Then he could declare, “I am now the Islamic messiah!” and command Iran to give us all their oil, diamonds, and mutual funds. In the end, that’s all we ever wanted from Iran: Every single thing of value they own.

More AFP Photo Shenanigans

This is supposed to be a photo of a woman’s home after coalition forces raided it. Notice anything funny about it?

Continue reading ‘More AFP Photo Shenanigans’ »

A Thought…

If we’re forced into a war with Iran, Ahmadinejad is going to be a lot harder to hunt down than Saddam. Saddam had to make a whole spider hole to hide in, but Ahmadinejad is tiny; he could hide in any drawer or shoe box in Iran. We’ll never find him.

Ask a Liberal

Q. Liberals often refer to the “Right Wing Noise Machine,” but what substantive critiques of conservative ideas do liberals have?
Keith Olbermann’s answers:

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

People say they never forget the first time they voted for Fred Thompson. For most people, it was at a voting booth.