KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine (Reuters) – President Bush appeared invigorated after inviting the recently-elected French President Nicolas Sarkozy to his Kennebunkport vacation home where he spent the weekend playing spiteful practical jokes on and cruelly taunting France’s leader as revenge for French political activities during the run-up to the Iraq War.
“Well, that swishy little girl Chirac never had the guts to face me in person, so I figured I could get a little payback outta Sarkozy,” said President Bush. “I sweet-talked him into coming up to my house and just started messin’ with Froggy’s head.”
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“First thing I did was hand him a hamburger, waited until he bit the edge, then told him, ‘Whoa, there, Pierre! That’s not how we eat a burger in America! Ya take the top bun off, then start lickin’ the meat.’ Would you believe that idiot actually started DOING it? I’m totally putting that one up on YouTube!”
Bush then took a verbal swipe at the visiting dignitary. “Just like eatin’ an Oreo, ain’t it? You DO have Oreos in France, right? Oh… wait… the only black & white things you have over there are the burnt out shells of cars after Muslim riots”.
Sarkozy, embarrassed, said nothing.
Bush continued to goad. “Come on Sarky, it’s not THAT bad. At least you smelly grape-stompers still got your national health care, right? Say… does that include air-conditioners now, or are you guys planning on roasting a few thousand more old people this year?”
After nightfall, Bush stopped the verbal barbs in favor of some old reliable frat-house pranks. “It was sorta like those ‘Messin With Sasquatch’ commercials,” said Bush, “except hairier and smellier.”
“In one night,” bragged the President, “I pulled the shaving cream in the hand trick, dipped his other hand in warm water, and woke him up with a bag of flaming dog poo.”
“I ain’t had this much fun since I tricked Putin into wearing a dress,” grinned Bush. “That picture’s EVERYWHERE now.”
“It was a great time,” concluded the President. “I may have lost Blair as my poodle, but now I’ve definitely made Sarkozy my bitch.”
Imagine serving bohemian hamburgers to a French president! He must have taken it as a complete insult.
In our eyes, France is on a temporary honeymoon because of Sarkozy. I wonder how long it will last?
Does this mean war with France? Please say yes.
AR, yes it does. We have Cub Scout troop #346 readying for deployment now.
DE – Isn’t that technically considered “excessive force”?
Sarkozy? What the heck is a Sarkozy? Is that like that lace thing my grammy used to put under her tea saucer so it didn’t damage the mahogany?
While I am the first to admit that short of toast and fries I really don’t stay on top of the whole Frog thing, but I am kinda curious, is Sarkozy even French? I mean I do seem to recall reading some time back that France went commie or something like that, but um did they actually go ahead and elect a Ruskie as president of the surrender squad now? Just curious mind you, it’s not like I really care all that much.
Have fun ;)!
Harvey, we want to make sure there are sufficient troops to deal with the angry “youths” in France as well. Better safe than sorry.
Point of order: French Fries are actually from Belgium. Which is like France and has the added indignity of hosting the headquarters of the EUnuchs.