Politico is saying it’s the 6th of September that Fred Thompson will announce while Red State says it will be 4:30 today (i.e., less than an hour from when I write this). At least no one is saying October anymore.
I think you’ll want a shirt for the occasion.
UPDATE:
Apparently what will be announced five minutes from as I write this update is that he will announce on September 6th.
UPDATE 2:
It’s official. September 6th he’ll be entering the race. He won’t be in the Republican debate on the 5th and instead have an appearance on Leno.
With a firm date, excitement begins to return. Soon there will be Fred Thompson.
Archive of entries posted on 30th August 2007
Ronin Profiles: Pork & Beans
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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Pork & Beans.
What’s the story behind your name? I wrote a practice on vernacular for my writing instructor in college that had to do with eating pork & beans. She loved it and most everything else that I wrote. I signed all my homework with that name. At the end of the term she suggested I read Twain’s and Patrick McMannus’ books; she said they have that “pork & beans” flavor. Kinda stuck.
Where do you live? I live on a wide spot in the road in rural western Oregon called Kings Valley.
How old are you? 51, but I feel older most times.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I grew up in the area where I live. I worked as a logger for many years (that’s why I hate those filthy stinkin’ hippies!). After my body started to break down, I worked for a major printer manufacturer as a technician for 11 years. Now I’m laid-off and looking for work. My wife and I breed Siberian Huskies and that helps a little.
Who would win in a fight between Wolverine and Aquaman if the fight were underwater (remember that Wolverine can’t breathe underwater)? Also, Wolverine’s claws are broken, he’s hung over, and he put his mask on backwards. Who would win? I can’t breathe underwater, don’t have claws, I’m extremely hung over, put my pants on backwards, and even I could probably kick Aquaman’s butt. Wolverine, hands down!
How long have you been reading IMAO? Three or four years I think.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? I have to say “Frank the Artist” is my favorite. You are an artistic and comic genius! I love Newsish Fakery (my photoshop work was posted there once).” There was a post by Lawrence Simon about your’s and his trip to the Olive Garden that was great. And, anything by Harvey.
What’s you favorite political issue? It’s all so maddening, but too important to ignore. The things democrats do to win just boils my blood. My state is “vote by mail.” My mail carrier is a stinkin’ hippie with Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers on her old Volvo station wagon. Our county (Benton) voted for socialized medicine when this blue state voted it down by 70%. I’m sure my ballot hasn’t been counted since 2000.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes I have two. One is for our dog breeding business(it was built using MS Publisher so it needs to be viewed in IE) and the other is a blog I just started. I aspire to write like Patrick McMannus and thought I’d start writing funny stories about growing up here along with other things that come to mind. It’s pretty lame and only has one real post on it, but it’s a true story (I’ll embellish later). http://skipnrocks.blogspot.com. Be kind!
How would you protect the borders? Personally, I’d have the oil companies build several refineries in Mexico first. Then I’d launch a full scale invasion on Latin America and conquer everything to the Columbian border. Panama would be broken into two states separated by the canal. The state of South Panama would become our largest military base. Our Southern border would be less then one hundred miles and a ten mile strip to the north would be firing range for all weaponry. Otherwise, I’d utilize S.M.I.T.E or the Mexi-Cannon.
If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you’re still in the running. Eventually I’ll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
Ask Dr. Duck: The Questions
(As the IMAO readers sit quietly in their bathoom stalls, reading IMAO magazine, a tapping noise is heard in the stall next door. A hand emerges under the stall wall and gives a wave.)
You know what time it is?
No, not THAT, Senator Craig!! Somebody get this sicko out of here, please.
That’s the signal for Ask Dr. Duck. Well, no, it’s also the signal for give me toilet paper. And the signal for “Howdy, Sailor” but let’s go with the first definition.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s face it: You have sad lives.
Sad, sad, sad. That’s why you read IMAO. This site makes you laugh.
Truly sad.
But it’s not all bad. From time to time, Dr. Duck emerges for his stall, I mean, office and offers the kind of sound advice that leaves you asking an important question: “When are we finally going to get socialized medicine?”
Sometimes people say, “Why can’t you just shut up? Your last piece of advice got me shot at/divorced/fired/separated.” I can’t help it, folks.
I care.
That’s why Dr. Duck (graduate of the Colegio de Sicologia y Tapiceria de Tijuana) is here to help you with the questions that most plague your mind and keep you from focusing on the things you need to be doing. Such as working. Or not working. Hey, I don’t judge the freaks, I just hep them.
So what’s on your mind? Relationships? Life? Politics?
Ask the questions and Dr. Duck will have the answers up soon.
I Was Thinking…
Dog Quizzing Ring Broken Up
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I thought you should hear it from me before you hear it the news. Yesterday, the police came to my house to break up a dog quizzing ring I’ve been running, alleging I’ve been cruelly pitting dogs against each other in categories such as math, science, history, and pop culture. They confiscated my Trivial Pursuit cards and said they could take my dog Rowdi away if I ask her any question more academic than, “Who’s a good girl?”
Yes, I do run dog quizzing rings, but I don’t think I should have to apologize for that. Animal rights people say its cruel since dogs aren’t very good at academics and tend to get laughed at a lot in these competitions — especially since we make them wear mortarboards — which they say can hurt canine self-esteem. I say these competitions are great for dogs; it used to be that dogs could get by just herding sheep or scaring away trespassers, but today’s jobs such as leading the blind and searching for explosives takes education. That’s what these quizzing rings do: They prepare today’s dogs for the jobs of tomorrow. Also, it’s so cute when they hit the buzzer with their paws and bark an answer.
Now, I guess I can see why some people might look upon this as abhorrent, but you have to understand that it’s a cultural thing. Putting silly hats on dogs and asking them quiz questions is just something white people do. The whiter we are, the more likely we are to do it. It’s not that I don’t love my dog; it’s just I love her more when she excels academically.
Bush Declares “We’ll Help Iran Get Nuclear Weapons”
WASHINGTON (AP) – In a concilliatory statement, President Bush recognized Iran’s right to pursue the development of atomic weapons, and promised that the US would be supportive of their efforts.
“Every nation,” said the President, “whether a freedom-loving democracy or a dictatorial, Allah-worshipping hellhole, has the right to develop atomic weapons. It is my intent to see that Iran’s President Ahmadinejad gets those weapons.”
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“Specifically,” Bush clarified, “in the form of a dozen 10-megaton mushroom clouds, which those psychotic Muslim bastards may attempt to reverse-engineer to their hearts’ content. Assuming their hearts haven’t been vaporized by the intial blast or melted into organic goo by the radioactive fallout.”
Addressing criticisms that the US would be acting unilaterally, Mr. Bush explained that the support of Iran’s nuclear program would be an international effort. “Israel, for example, has been itching to do some above-ground testing of their fissionables. I’ve invited them to join in the fun with us. I just hope Ahmedinejad doesn’t mind getting a few Jewclear weapons dropped on his front porch.”
In a Tehran news conference, Iran’s President scoffed at the threat of military action against his regime, saying that “even if they were to decide to do so, they would be unable to carry it out.”
Bush responded calmly to the defiance. “I suppose Amedinejad – or ‘Amy’ as I like to call him – is right. Americans certainly don’t seem to have the cojones for a decent war these days. That’s why I intend to start with diplomatic pressure. Specifically, economic sanctions. More specifically, a declaration of economic sanctions duct-taped to a 10-megaton warhead.”
A still-defiant ‘Amy’ then mocked America’s lack of determination in Iraq. “The political power of the occupiers is collapsing rapidly,” he said. “Soon, we will see a huge power vacuum in the region. Of course, we are prepared to fill the gap.”
A completely unimpressed Bush replied, “Not if we fill the gap with high-energy neutrons first.”
Nation of Sissies
They’re banning tag? You can’t draw a picture of a gun and you can’t even chase each other; it’s like some people out there won’t be satisfied until every boy grows up to have a wide stance.
At least they still haven’t banned my favorite playground game: bare-knuckle boxing.
Links of the Day
Aww, man. Am I going to have to write posts again today? Well, I’ll get to that and you can check out links from Conservative Grapevine such as:
The Diplomad: In order to save the world from global warming, Bullwinkle must die.
Newsbusters: Less than half of published scientists endorse global warming theory
Cracked: The 8 most embarrassing musical performances by non-musicians
Hot Air: Again: off-duty cop killed by illegal alien drunk driver
Conservative Grapevine: It’s fun to click on links!