Due to pressure from left-wing blogs, IMAO will no longer advertise during the O’Reilly Factor.
Archive of entries posted on July 2007
Ronin Profiles: Laura
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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Laura.
What’s the story behind your name? According to my father, my mother wouldn’t let him name me “Shithead”. I know it’s vulgar, but it’s the truth.
Where do you live? Craphole (AKA Spokane), WA.
How old are you? 25. Old enough to know better, young enough not to care.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I was birthed by a jackal and raised by a troll. After 12 years of preliminary education, I decided to follow my lifelong goal…To take over the World, and eat pancakes galore!
Ever killed a chipmunk? Ever wanted to? Unfortunately, no. Although, I heard they splatter when you hit ’em with a .50 cal.
How long have you been reading IMAO? I’m a “new” subscriber. Only four short months of readership.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? lolterizt, and any of the “In My World” posts.
What’s you favorite political issue? Illegal Immigration, gun rights, local/national/international terrorism. Oh, and Fred Thompson.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes I do. It’s my vile little hole of spite and cookies on the intraweb. http://conservativedreaddie.blogspot.com
If you could shoot a powerful beam out your eyes, do you think you could find the spare time to fight evil? Only if evil is defined as Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore, John Edwards, Barack Obama, and anyone with the last name of “Clinton”.
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!
He Said THAT?
The Top 10 Gordon Brown quotes from the Bush-Brown summit:
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10) “Um… no, I can’t help you get Harry Potter’s autograph.”
9) “Let me check… yes, yes I do have some Grey Poupon.”
8) “Do you have any that ISN’T made by Lipton?”
7) “YOU think they smell bad? Try living across the Channel from them sometime!”
6) “Don’t tell anyone, but the Queen actually died years ago. We replaced her with a Queen-shaped robot manned by Kenny Baker.”
5) “Got any blasphemers against Allah you want knighted?”
4) “Please stop introducing me to people and saying ‘what can Brown do for you?'”
3) “You can play Yakkity Sax if you want, but I’m not going to get up and chase you around the room.”
2) “Tell me more about this ‘reverse cowgirl’.”
And the #1 top Gordon Brown quote from the Bush-Brown summit (see extended entry):
One Who Flips Can Always Flop
Public opinion could change on Iraq if people see things improving there, but smart Democrats are prepared for that. For instance, here’s a poster Hillary Clinton is currently distributing to show her stance on the war:

But if the war is looking to be a success before the 2008 elections, she already has a new poster prepared:
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
CAIR Hates Muslims
Do you think that maybe CAIR is a false-flag operation, an organization set up by anti-Islam extremists for the sole purpose of convincing the American people that Muslims are either murderous thugs or whiny perpetual victims who hate free speech because it “hurt there feewings”? That’s about the only sense I can make of it.
Frank Thoughts About Iraq
People are always saying to me, “Frank, we want to hear more of your thoughts about Iraq. It is an important issue, and we need your wisdom.” Well, here are some things I have been thinking:
* Anyone ever think of doing a “Taco for suicide belt” exchange? If someone has a choice between blowing themselves up and a free taco… well that’s not really a choice, is it?
* There’s a number of socio-economic reason that can lead people to become insurgents, but whatever their reason, they all die just the same when shot by Marines.
* If things really start improving, the DNC might start funneling money to Al Qaeda in Iraq. This is allowed by McCain-Feingold since the group is acting in the Democrats’ political interest.
* Do Muslims have anything against puppies? I really think you can always calm down a situation by adding more puppies. Just make sure Michael Vick doesn’t get involved.
* People who want to blow up lots of innocent people probably aren’t right in the head. Maybe Iraq needs more mental health facilities. Or maybe they need to remove those faulty heads.
* Apparently Iran is supplying weapons to some of the insurgents. This could be a real benefit to us. All American troops need to do is pretend to be Shiites and they can get free weapons. This will allow us to keep the war going if Democrats cut off funding.
* If an increase in American troops really can bring peace, maybe they should try it in Chicago.
* All we really want from countries in the Middle East is hope that they can have a better future through freedom. We’ll certainly settle for fear of our god-like wrath, though.
* Maybe one day all of the Middle East can join together in something like the European Union. Then they’d all combine they’re power to be one huge, toothless entity. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
* I still don’t understand what continent Iraq or the Middle East is technically in. It’s kinda confusing since they’re all right there in… ya know… the middle.
* I keep hearing from U.S. military people who were over there about how they help build schools. I wonder if the teachers let the children know how the school came to be? “Little Omar, you know those people who came to this country and blew up so much stuff and killed so many people? They built this school. And, if you don’t pay attention to your teacher, they’re coming back!”
* If Iraqis are happy, American are happy too. Except for the Democrats. Happy Iraqis makes them sad. Poor Democrats.
* Maybe to help the situation in Iraq, Bush should have talks with leaders of Iran and Syria. When they’re all seated at a table together talking, then Bush can pull out a gun and shoot them in the face. I can’t believe they fell for that!
* If Iraq becomes prosperous, it will prove that people other than just the Jews can be successful in the Middle East. This will give hope for everyone.
* I hear that more Muslims are turning against suicide bombing. Originally, they thought it would only be used against Jews and Americans, but now they’ve found out from Iraq that it could be used against them. Sure, suicide bombing can be fun, but getting homicided by it sucks.
* I hope in the end the insurgents take this lesson from Iraq: You don’t make many friends blowing people up… unless you’re Americans.
* When things are settled and the American troops leave Iraq, I hope the last thing the Iraqis say to them is, “Thanks for killing so many bad people.” That’s all our military ever wanted to hear.
IMAO Condensed: The United States of America
Is the Tide Turning?
The liberal blogosphere reaction to the editorial in the NYT that said the surge is working and we can win in Iraq has been to try and tar the left-leaning authors rather than try and refute any of its points which gives you an idea of how devastating this is to them. Americans can forgive someone for being for victory and failing, but they aren’t going to treat someone who was for failure in the face of victory very kindly. Right now, things are looking good for the Democrats in 2008, but a victory in Iraq would be devastating for them after all their attempts to cut funding and call for immediate withdrawal. It would make the next election look like a choice between Thomas Jefferson and a caveman who was against the adoption of fire.
JEFFERSON: I will help our country flourish and spread democracy to new lands.
CAVEMEN: Fire is angry god. Thag no like.
Well, let’s keep praying that we can find peace in Iraq and there aren’t more bombing in which our troops or civilians get hurt. And the Democrats can burn incense to their pagan gods that their will be more blood and death as that will prove their political point (hey, it’s the position they unintentionally put themselves in, the stupid bastards).
Fear Not the Snowman
There’s talk that some Republicans will skip the YouTube debate on CNN because it’s undignified. They could get asked questions by puppets or Chris Matthews which is really stupid for a presidential debate. Also, there’s some fears that CNN will use it as an excuse to ask questions they know they’d normally get in trouble for asking (“We didn’t ask that; it was the person on screen so don’t get angry at us.”). Still, I think the Republicans should go. One thing Republicans are supposed to be used to is a hostile media, so they should go this debate and be ready for shenanigans. If CNN puts up a really stupid question, then publicly call them out on it; Republican love seeing journalists get their comeuppance. If the question is really horrible, pop someone right in the mouth (doesn’t matter who as long as he’s a reporter). And if it’s just unbelievably awful, then pull down Anderson Cooper’s pants and take a picture of his penis (he hates that).
Mitt Romney “Peace in Our Nation” Ad
New ad inspired from Mitt Romney’s “Ocean” ad. An IMAO exclusive!
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Ronin Profiles: ussjimmycarter
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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s ussjimmycarter.
What’s the story behind your name? I like the irony of an attack US nuclear submarine named after a dufus like Jimmy Carter who I loathe.
Where do you live? Mound, MN which is a suburb of Minneapolis in occupied territory of
the People’s Republic of Minnesota.
How old are you? 54
Tell us briefly about yourself. I didn’t do very well in college (Party Time) so I became an IT
guy. I am a Program Manager by trade. I married my high school girlfriend and I ride motorcycles.
Do you know thine enemy? Hippies, Hillary Clinton, Harry Reid and Al Franken who will probably get elected as our next Senator here in Minnesota (sigh).
How long have you been reading IMAO? 3 years, it’s my favorite blog since I discovered it!
What’s your favorite IMAO post? In My World! They are the best!
What’s you favorite political issue? Right now it’s Republican stupid! When I watch the Democrats and what they have to offer it’s truly amazing that the Republicans ever lose to these guys on any issue in any election in any state period!
Do you have a website? No!
Why are there wars? We’ve spent a lot of money on our military and how much fun would it be if they never got to kick someone’s ass?
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!
I Heard Robert Byrd Won “Best Costume” For His “Grand Wizard” Outfit
House Speaker and 67-year-old grandmother Nancy Pelosi has been voted the #4 Most Beautiful Person on Capitol Hill.
Seriously.
Personally, I don’t understand the result, but since I hate mysteries, I’ll just take my best guesses about how this might have happened:
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- Her roughly tanned skin locked up the leather fetishist vote.
- Power is a strong aphrodisiac, and so – apparently – is undermining the war effort.
- Ballot box stuffed by people who are irresistably attracted to pointy, plastic noses.
- Let’s just say she took some “cinematic tips” from Paris Hilton, and let you Google it from there.
- Voting done entirely by blind people. Turns out Nancy is actually stunningly attractive in braille.
- Poll reflects opinions of Arab men who voted according to how much better she’d look in a burka.
- Should’ve been Al Gore. Stupid butterfly ballots!
- You have to admit that it’s darned impressive that a 67-year-old woman had the stamina to sleep her way that far up the list.
- In her own way, Nancy IS “beautiful”. Just like she “supports” the troops.
- Uncaught typo led to ballots reading “hideously disfigured Sleestak-looking freak” instead of “beautiful”.
- It was a reward for NOT participating in the swimsuit competition.
- GILF is the new MILF
Regardless of how Nancy made it, I think we can all agree that the REAL travesty here is that Hillary got passed over for Miss Congeniality.
Perhaps a More Appropriate Name for Them Would Be an Angry Exclamation of “That’s Not Funny!”
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Usually IMAO flies under the radar of left-wing blogs. They want stuff to be angry about, but who could be angry at fun-loving IMAO? We only want to nuke the moon — there aren’t even people there to hurt. Still, we’ve had our run ins with some of them such as when some guy named digby criticized us for our “hostile” humor and Amanda Marcotte and her commenters once spent about 500 pages in a horribly pedantic analysis of whether a post of mine was technically “satire.”
Now, Sadly, No! — a left-wing humor site — has latched on to our Fred Thompson Facts. By itself, it’s not that notable. It seems to be a lashing out at how the left-wing blogs’ favorite candidate Edwards is perceived as being “swishy,” and now they must be further frustrated on that count since Edwards took time out of the last debate to criticize Hillary Clinton’s outfit. The humor seems borne more out of being angry than being clever, but their audience seems to like it so I can’t really criticize.
Anyway, what was interesting to me was the monologue preceding the humor where this bit caught my eye:
Not that we don’t have a begrudging sort of respect for the I.M.A.O.s of the world. After all, it’s sort of mulishly courageous to tackle humor as they do, from the opposite end of what is actually funny. Very few humorists can find comedy in the violent victimization of the marginalized by the overclass, largely because there isn’t any. But points to I.M.A.O. for trying. And even if their output isn’t — how shall we put it? — ‘funny in the slightest,’ at the very least it makes for a nice sort of homage to the Golden Age of Beer Hall comedy. . .a kind of living monument to the jackbooted stylings of those brownshirted stand-ups who, once upon a time, quite literally ‘killed’ at venues across Europe.
Now, if this was meant in jest, it’s exceptionally clever. Basically they’re poking fun at their own side and how many have an overwrought hatred of any one with a different political viewpoint. It’s much more self-aware than you’d find anywhere on DailyKos. If it’s meant even partly serious, though, then it’s rather sad.
And that’s the problem with a humor site with politics like that of the popular left-wing blogs. If you handed me something written by Glenn Greenwald and said, “Here’s this hilarious parody of a left-winger I wrote!” I’d think it was some genius satire and admire the work you put in it (“Wow. You kept it up for like five pages.”). When I first read Amanda Marcotte, I thought she was joking as she preached a kind of feminism I had long thought was made up by the older conservatives to scare us. So, when a left-wing site is sometimes trying to be funny, how can you tell when it’s saying something in jest or when it’s saying something ridiculous with a hilarious though somewhat sad earnestness? When many on that side honestly believe the government is behind 9/11 and that President Bush is going to establish a dictatorship before leaving office, how can you tell when they’re joking about something?
If I were to guess, I’d say who wrote that at Sadly, No! meant it seriously. That’s because it’s extremely rare to see left-wingers use self-deprecating humor about their own politics. I could write a whole paper on the reasons why for that, but just think about: How often do right-wingers make jokes using the left-wing’s stereotypes of them? We here at IMAO do it about every other post; it’s fun to pretend to be a mindless warmonger who hates the poor. Now how often have you seen a left-winger make a jokes using the right-wings stereotypes of them. I can’t think of very many instances; they really hate those perceptions of them and don’t find anything about them funny.
So, if I’m wrong and that statement from Sadly, No! was completely in jest, it was all the more exceptional.
What do you think? Do you think they were joking, or do they really think our humor makes us like Nazis? If so, then which posts are the Nazi ones? Maybe it was the one where I drew Kos with exaggerated Jewish features.
UPDATE:
I got a response in the comments from what seems like a dour, humorless person. I’d thought I’d put it here with my response:
1: Power. The powerless use humor to try to deflate those with power over them.
That’s one use of humor, but it’s far from the only use. Most people who play the game of “[insert group here] can’t be funny” start by making up their own esoteric definition of what constitutes humor, trying to make complex a simple human impulse.
When the powerful make fun of those beneath them, that’s not funny, it’s cruel. It comes off like cheerleaders mocking the poor kids for wearing hand-me-downs. Brandi and Candi might laugh, but it’s not “humorous.”
Ridiculing is actually the basis of all humor (or so I argue). Still, calling all the humor of one side “bullying” shows a very narrow mind which probably isn’t open to actual discussion in the first place. It also shows absolutely no understanding of humor (which isn’t to say the person is incapable of humor; just incapable of understanding it outside partisan blinders).
It’s hard to make stuff funny when one side is dedicated to bringing Americans together to make things better for all of us and the opposing side is devoted to accentuating the divisions between different groups to increase their power.
Of course, this is just one person’s retarded viewpoint of the world which is shared only by a small fringe. Who gets to say what it funny and what isn’t is the audience to the humor. You can’t just say that it’s only humor if people with my own narrow political viewpoint thinks its funny; everyone can play that game and its completely pointless.
2: Fringe reality. The fraction of Kosites who believe that Bush was ACTUALLY behind 9/11 is roughly the same as the fraction of $Con_site who believe that Hillary is ACTUALLY a lesbian Mossad agent who had Vince Foster murdered b/c he wouldn’t keep quiet about Bill importing planeloads of cocaine into Arkansas. It’s a big country full of weirdos of all types and the internet just makes them a lot louder.
Of course, this is more a political than a humor argument. Those viewpoints make the recommended diaries (though 9/11 conspiracies are now verboten from Kos). Polls — as useful as they are — show those viewpoints are significant among Democrats and thus even more significant among the fringe that is Kos. I don’t think most fervently believe the conspiracies, and it’s mainly just how silly their partisanship has gotten that they even consider them.
Anyway, the person who wrote this comment obviously has a silly little viewpoint and takes himself way too seriously. From his own definition, that makes him the pompous one to deflate using humor. If this is the writer of the Sadly, No! post, then they really should change their name to the exclamation of “That’s not funny!”
UPDATE 2:
Phelps has an example of how the violent victimization of the marginalized by the overclass can be hilarious.
I laughed.