Archive of entries posted on 19th July 2007

Ronin Profiles: PaleoMedic

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PaleoMedic

Let’s meet another IMAO reader. Today, it’s PaleoMedic.

Where do you live?
Fort Collins, Colorado
How old are you?
41. I remember weird things, like Elizabeth Montgomery on my dad’s black and white TV telling me that “Bewitched is next, in color.”
Tell us briefly about yourself.
Born in Butte Montana, raised in Cody Wyoming. Despite decades living in cowboy country I loathe, yes, loathe, country music. Married for nearly twenty years, two sons, 18 and 16. Both plan on enlisting in the military, one Army, one Marine Corps. It’s genetic, I think. Grandpa was a reservist in the Army Air Corps and an engineer for Boeing, building B29s. Dad, Marine; brother, Marine; two brothers, Army.
Ever punch a liberal in his dumb monkey face?
Soon, hopefully. I’m actually fortunate. The people surrounding me are remarkably lucid. Most of the MFL types who irk me are on TV or in a news article, so punching would require a lot of planning and driving. Might be worth the effort though…Boulder is close.
How long have you been reading IMAO?
At least three years, give or take a couple months. IMAO was the first place I ever posted a comment, anywhere. My moment of giddiness was quickly replaced by the realization that I sounded like a total moron…nothing’s changed. I live and die with each comment.
What’s the story behind your name?
I was a combat medic in the Army from 1987-1991. I spent three years in Germany. PaleoMedic is just an overly self-important tag I adopted. I missed the big show in the desert. Can’t tell you how much it sucks to be left behind, especially after training three years for it. It still gnaws at me, haunts my dreams, and I hope to reenlist after the boys graduate (my wife made me promise to wait till then–two years!)
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
Impossible to pick just one, but I’ve always loved In My World. Reading Dubya’s lines and imagining his
weird breathy Texas patois cracks me up. And the stories oddly make more sense than what actually comes out of Washington.
What’s you favorite political issue?
I actually hate politics, but it’s an addiction I can’t seem to quit. It’s therapeutic, however, to be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and IMAO is key to that therapy (Butt Smooching Moment, or BSM) I pay a lot of attention to anything involving national defense and the war.
Do you have a website?
Just started a lame-o blog that is still in its larval stage, paleomedic.mee.nu. It’s literally a week old, if that. I aspire to achieve my own Nuke The Moon moment soon (BSM Redux). For now, though, I got nothing.
If you had the choice between a lifetime supply of bacon and the ability to breathe underwater, which would you choose and why?
Gotta go with bacon. It’s tasty, and works like garlic in deterring bad guys with designs to blow me up. The grease also words an adequate pomade for my hair. And being in a landlocked state, underwater breathing would be underutilized.

Only two in, and I’m really liking this segment.
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone.

Just When You Thought They’d Hit Bottom, Out Come the Shovels

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According to the latest Gallup Poll, Congress’s approval rating has sunk to a historic low of 14%.
In order to help put that into perspective, here are a list of things that – as of this week – are now more popular than Congress:

  • Fungus
  • Boils
  • Burnt toast
  • Drunk drivers
  • Drunk dialers
  • DMV employees
  • Personal injury lawyers
  • Hangnails
  • Hangovers
  • Spammers
  • Yipping Yorkies
  • Simpsons Trivia
  • Gas Prices
  • Geico (among cavemen)
  • Susan B. Anthony dollars
  • Retaining water
  • Boy Shakira
  • Stepping in poo
  • Blue Screen of Death
  • Power outages
  • Voldemort
  • Nose hair
  • Soap scum
  • Earwigs

On the bright side, Congress still holds a slight lead over AIDS, Hitler, and the 1/2 Hour News Hour, so there may still be hope for them.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

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Before attending law school, John Edwards briefly considered becoming a gynecologist so that he could do self-exams.

Fun Trivia

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Why do Democrats want to remove protections for people reporting suspicious, unAmerican activity?

Continue reading ‘Fun Trivia’ »

In My World: Up All Night

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“And this is the Capitol Building. Everyone here is stupid,” President Bush told the little Iraqi girl as he showed her around the Senate chambers.
“Why are there beds here? Are the people here homeless?” the girl asked.
Bush shrugged his shoulders. “I never know what the hell is going on here.”
“We’re going to stay up all night to make sure America retreats from Iraq!” Harry Reid declared.
“But what will happen to my family!” exclaimed the worried little girl.
Harry Reid knelt down to face her eye to eye and put his hand on her shoulder. “They’ll most likely be killed in the ensuing genocide, but know that their deaths will not be in vain because our analysts thinks the genocide will be blamed on Bush and perhaps skyrocket the Democratic Congress’s approval ratings all the way into the 20s.”
Bush chuckled. “My approval rating is already in the 20s. You guys suck.”
Reid stood up to face Bush. “We’re going to show we’re trying, and that will win over those guys on the internet!”
Bush grimaced. “The Kos Kids? You think their support will help you? Those goobers couldn’t find their wieners with two hands and MapQuest turn by turn direction from their home to their wieners.”
“Everyone uses GoogleMaps now,” the Iraqi girl said.
“Yeah, but that won’t give you directions to your wiener. I tried.” Bush turned to Reid. “I have a lot of time on my hands lately.”
“Excuse us, but we have to get our beds prepared for staying up all night.” Reid walked away to watch an aide fluff his pillows.
“I don’t understand,” the Iraqi girl said. “If they’re going to stay up all night, why do they need beds?”
“Because they’re morons and nothing they do makes sense.”
“I can’t get to sleep,” Carl Levin yelled, “Ted keeps farting!”
“Gerwarglerr!” Ted Kennedy replied.
“Jeeves, change my sheets!” Kerry called out. “I caught Byrd wearing them.”
“Are they going to sleep already?” the Iraqi girl asked. “It’s only six.”
“We’re old!” Reid answered.
Soon the Senate chambers were filled with snores. “Obviously, we have to do stuff to them while their sleeping,” Bush said. “I say let’s keep it simple and just quietly load them on a truck and dump them in the Potomac.”
“I thought you were going to show me the dinosaurs.”
“Bah, you don’t want to see that. Anyway, I heard those fossil bones are just a Jewish conspiracy to make the earth look older than it is. Now help me hot wire a truck.”

Reid was awakened when he felt himself hit cold water. “Help me! Help me!” he screamed as he splashed about in the river. He was hit in the face with an elbow as Ted Kennedy swam past like a torpedo.
“Not again!” Kennedy shouted. He was soon to shore and running away without a single glance behind him. “I need to find my lawyer!”

NYTimes Just Hates Mankind and Human Happiness

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The New York Times, which not alone openly cheers on the defeat of America but apparently also hates the joy of children, dishonestly obtained a copy of the new Harry Potter book and put out a review that contains spoilers (link to Hot Air explanation which contains no spoilers). This has already been condemned by J.K. Rowlings, and I assume a condemnation from the entire British government should soon follow.
Apparently, the review was very positive, but, then again, it was the Times.
UPDATE:
A blogger at VodkaPundit accidentally got his copy early from DeepDiscount.com and put it up on eBay. The story of the ensuing firestorm (including a call to his unlisted number from Scholastic) is here.

Happy Birthday SarahK!

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Happy thoughts and wishes about the lovely and talented SarahK go in the comments.

Shocker: Fred Thompson Only 99.925% Pro-Life Before His Senate Career

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Fred Thompson may not be as perfect as we all thought. While a 100% of his votes were pro-life during his Senate career, new billing records show that back in the early ’90s Fred Thompson charged 19 hours of work over a fourteen months period to a group that support abortion. That equals about 2.7 minutes a day from 1991 to 1992 — a full 0.075% of his time — that Fred Thompson was demonstrably not fully pro-life.
Conservative will have to ask themselves whether they can vote for someone like Fred Thompson who, while 100% pro-life since at least 1994, was only 99.925% pro-life fifteen years ago? How will he compare to our other choices such as Rudy Giuliani (used to be 3% pro-life, now 5% pro-life), Mitt Romney (averages about 63% pro-life over his political career), and John McCain (pro-life percentage N/A due to death of campaign)?
More as this shocking news develops!
UPDATE:
Adding to this scandal, apparently Fred Thompson has been caught in a lie. He said he didn’t remember lobby for such a group, but Fred Thompson has such perfect memory that he can remember the name of everyone he’s ever met — even if he’s was never told their name. Are we then to believe he couldn’t remember 19 hours of work from fifteen years ago?

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

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Fred Thompson once wrote a poem that was three times as lovely as a tree.
[Wait… I think that one might actually be a John Edwards Fabulous Fact. -Ed.]