A recent Pew survey shows that only 25 out of 47 countries queried have a favorable opinion of the US, so it’s time once again for another round of “why do they hate us?” from the hand-wringing mouth-breathers of the left. And of course, the drool-cupped, short-bus-riding Marxists will flap their arms like demented penguins and screech that it’s because we’re a bunch of Muslim-killing war-mongers.
Idiots.
Offing terrorists is a FEATURE, not a bug. If some people can’t appreciate that – like the filthy, baby-killing Palestinian orcs who gave Osama bin Laden a 57% favorable rating – I can only assume it’s because they’re a degenerate pestilence masquerading as human beings as they squat in their third-world rat holes.
Or French.
Whichever.
Still, I’m open-minded enough to admit that there MIGHT be other reasons that people might have for hating America besides the usual excuses of being afflicted with spongiform encephalopathy or Islam.
Like these:
- Pauly Shore.
- The phrase “Hey! It’s our old friend Smilin’ Bob!”
- Everything Paris Hilton has ever done except THE VIDEO, and probably that, too.
- Cancelling Firefly.
- The middle of “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”.
- “To continue in Spanish, press 2”.
- Being so confusingly similar in appearance to harmless Canadians.
- The permanent scarring from the Bill-Monica-cigar mental image.
- Fran Drescher’s voice.
- 20 years of letting the Olsen twins put their ugly, troll-doll faces in front of the camera.
- Every Ron Popeil product and their respective commercials.
- Not going all the way to Baghdad in ’91.
- The lines at Disney World.
- That New Jersey smell.
- Ronald McDonald, Michael Jackson, and other creepy guys who wear make-up and want to be around children.
- Political humor blogs that inexplicably start posting Simpsons Trivia questions EVERY SINGLE DAY for months.
- Ewoks, Jar-Jar, Midi-chlorians – pretty much everything George Lucas did after 1980.
- Plus the Star Wars Holiday Special
- Minus the Robot Chicken Star Wars Special
- Self-righteous hippies who visit your country and tell you how delightful your government is, and you can’t argue with them for fear of being thrown into a dark, roach-infested cell and randomly tortured for the next 20 years by said government.
- Heelys kids at the mall.
- Not picking a better name for the Global War on Terror, like “Islamofascist Kill-a-Palooza Fest”
- Not rebuilding the Twin Towers at Ground Zero EXACTLY as they were.
- Or maybe even just a little taller.
- Scary, scary freedom.
Of course, everyone knows the REAL reason they hate us:
Thompson envy.
