Hitler Cat says: You will support the California Pet Sterilization Law!
Apparently, allowing the impure mongrel races to breed uncontrollably puts an unacceptable burden on the state, and the question of what to do about it needs a final solution.
Wouldn’t it just peg the irony meter if their Austrian-born head of state signed this one into law?

Is your cat a terrorist?
Recently, DNA tests have confirmed connections between American housecats and Saudi Arabia – home of 15 of the 19 Sept. 11th hijackers.
If you have a cat in your house, you should immediately raise your terror alert threat level to red (severe risk of terrorist attacks) and watch for the following signs that your cat is in league with Al Qaeda or other international terrorist organizations:

* Recently drove to London, but came home without his green, 4-door Mercedes.
* Ignores balls of yarn; loves balls of det cord.
* Purrs by making a “ULULULULU!” sound in his throat.
* Faces east while catching mice, i.e. preying toward Mecca.
* Leaves poop on top of cat litter, but eagerly buries weapons caches.
* Pelts women with hairballs if they’re not wearing burkas in public.
* When you question him about recent terrorist attacks, he responds in gibberish and pretends not to understand English.
* Never shaves his whiskers.
* Fires rockets at your computer monitor every time you read a post by Laurence Simon.
* Insists that you call him “Yusef Islam”.
* Pees on your copy of “The Satanic Verses”.
* After catching a mouse, he plays with it for several days, then videotapes himself biting its head off.
* Used to work as a baggage handler at JFK airport, and currently appears disgruntled.
* Continually denies the dog’s right to exist.
* Complains to Amnesty International when you put a leash on him.
* Eats around the bacon-flavored pieces of his Meow Mix.
* Sharpens his claws on an American flag while chanting “Meow Meow Akbar!”.
* Hides IED’s by the bird feeder.
* Takes his catnip through a hookah.
* Poses for Reuters photographers.
* IS a Reuters photographer.

If any of these items apply to your cat, distract him with a ball of det cord and contact Homeland Security immediately.

President Bush is having talks with Vladimir Putin. Considering the unstable relation we have with Russia now, President Bush should be careful what he says to Putin. Specifically, there are ten things I thought of that he shouldn’t say, and, in case he feels the need to say some of them, I put them in an ordered list so he knows which ones to most not say.
TOP TEN THINGS PRESIDENT BUSH SHOULDN’T SAY IN HIS TALKS WITH PUTIN
10. “Bet you twenty dollars I can obliterate your country before you even get a quarter of your nukes in the air.”
9. “I really liked your red and yellow flag better.”
8. “You’re funny looking and your odor is displeasing.”
7. “If your country has a civil war, you’ll understand if I back the other side, right?”
6. “Now be honest with me: If I want to get things done, should I be talking to you or the Russian mafia?”
5. “So what continent exactly is your country on?”
4. “If I shake hands with you, I won’t catch evil, will I?”
3. “So do you have a Mexican problem in Russia, too?”
2. “Ha! You farted! I’m gonna call you Vladimir Toot’n!”
And the number one thing President Bush shouldn’t say in his talks with Putin…

Continue reading ‘Top Ten Things President Bush Shouldn’t Say in His Talks with Putin’ »

Though it seems inevitable that the terrorists will eventually succeed in a new attack, these foiled plots in Britain show that the terrorists have trouble with even pretty lame attacks. Here’s some other foiled terrorists attacks you may no have heard of:
UNSUCCESSFUL LAME TERRORIST ATTACKS
* Stealing all the newest magazines in hospital waiting rooms.
* Not turning off cellphones during movies.
* Heckling school plays to break our nation’s self-esteem.
* Driving ten miles below the speed limit on highways.
* Buy all the pie at the supermarket so if someone is really craving pie and goes to the store to buy pie, there will be no pie.
* Removing yellow paint from curbs so curbs are less visible.
* Setting selves on fire to overwork the local burn ward.
* Preparing mass spoiler campaign for the release of the new Harry Potter book.
* Voting for Democrats.